Love, Lies and Lullabies
by aerialla1
Summary: A single wish from Bella to Edward on her birthday will change their lives forever.
1. Chapter 1

Stephenie Meyer owns the sandbox I play in.

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**Carlisle's POV**

"NO!" The word screamed and it echoed off every room in the house, thundering all of us to run.

Alice lay on the floor holding her hand in her head and screaming for the vision to stop. Jasper was instantaneously at her side, but even his powers could not bring Alice into control.

"We need to go to Forks now!" Jasper was helping Alice to stand when Edward burst in the door. Twigs and leaves clung to him showing that he had fled immediately from the hunt. Alice's cry had brought us from far and wide.

On Edward's heels was Emmett and Rosalie. None of them stopped until they were in the front door.

"Carlisle, we have to leave now. There is no time." Jasper's arms were around Alice, keeping her on her feet.

"No Alice! I told you, you were not to look at her future." Edward, my son, balled his hands into tight fists at his side. Rage shown clearly on his face and in his eyes. I think he would have struck her if Jasper had not stood in the way.

Since leaving Bella, Alice, had fought hard to keep Edward out of her mind and with Jasper's help had become successful. Now there were three minds in the world Edward's powers could not reach, Bella's, Alice's and finally my own. It angered him that he didn't know if Alice was looking into Bella's future or not. Alice over the last year had worked with me in putting up walls around the thoughts we did not want Edward knowing.

"It would just kill you wouldn't it, to know I was looking at Bella's future for the past four years. I'm not sorry. I went with you for the sake of the family. Bella is my friend, Edward, whether you like it or not. Who I look for in my visions is none of your business. Go pick on someone who you can intimidate because you can't do it to me anymore. We have to go Edward, we don't have a choice, if we don't, the outcome will be worse."

"What did you see Alice?" Gently I went to my daughter who forced her way passed Jasper and into my arms.

"We have to go, even if he doesn't. If we don't make it, Bella's going to die, we'll lose them both." Her words came out as sobs against my chest. I rocked my daughter gently before letting Jasper carry her off to their room.

I alone in the family knew the truth. Alice had come to me with her visions.

"We leave now. Edward, come or not, I will not let Bella die when we can save her. Not even for your pain will I risk her life."

****

The night was to have been a celebration, more than one opportunity had come about to make everyone happier, a little wealthier, and I hope a little wiser. Too bad plans never work out the way you think they should, or hope they will.

****

he big buck deer came from nowhere. It bounded into the middle of the road and seemed suspended in animation. The driver of the big Suburban slammed on the brakes, but it was too late and the road was too wet. Hydroplaning the older driver lost control of the massive vehicle. Impact with the deer spun the car into the dangerous path of the surrounding forest. The barricade of trees was nothing less than a natural brick wall.

The collision was so intense the driver and his passenger wife died on impact. Flames were shooting up into the night burning the low hanging leaves wherever they touched. The overwhelming tang of gasoline said the two passengers in the backseat had but moments to live, if they could escape the metallic coffin that imprisoned them.

With hands intertwined for a second that stretched through time, those that remained alive stared at each other, the last five years of life flashing before their eyes. Both of them knew that one of them was never going to make it home again.

****

The smoke was becoming thick and cloying inside the cab of the truck. I knew my left leg had broken, though thankfully no bones were protruding. We had to get out, and now. It wouldn't be long before one spark hit the leaking gas and then we would all die.

He, my husband of the last four and a half years was holding my hand and just staring into my eyes. One hand was caked with blood but it didn't stop him from touching my face.

"Can you move?" The words were small but audible even over the flames. He was hurt bad, his chest shallow with the need to breathe.

"Yeah, my legs bad, but I can get out. My seat belts a little jammed." I pulled again on the strap and with his help, it pulled it free.

"You've got to go. Get out now!" Sparks were flying about from the burning leaves and the grass.

"I'm not leaving you!" Frantically I started pulling on his seat belt until it was free. Pain from my leg threatened to make me woozy. I had closed off my nose to the smell of blood, knowing that I would pass out if I did not. I had to stay focused, he needed me.

You have to go! I'm not going to make it. The seat trapped my legs." His words spoke with such finality that my heart clenched. Looking into his sorrow filled eyes I could feel the tears running down my cheeks and the burn of my nose.

"I'll get you out. I have to. I can't lose you." Using my arms I forced the rear left door open. It gave away with a groan. Scrambling I reached for his torso, trying to pull his legs out from where they wedged under the seat.

Sparks finally hit the gas sending flames up around the car. With strength I didn't know I possessed I pull with all my might. His screams with up into the night and finally were free. Flames were coming faster toward us, eating their way to the vehicles oversized gas tanks.

"I'm not going to make it! Save yourself! Tell Charlie that I love him and I'm sorry. I love you, have always loved you, will always love you. Run! Now, Go!" With the last of his strength he pushed me backwards out of the car as the flames leaped to the interior and began licking at the gas tank.

Crawling backward I watched as the flames attacked his body and looking one more time into his eyes I stood to my feet and tried to run away.

I wasn't far enough away when the tanks exploded. I felt the blast lift my body up into the air and across the road. I felt my body and head hit the trunk of the tree with such intensity that I was sure every bone in my body broke with the impact. With a last bang to my head as I fell I let the black abyss swallow me whole and I knew no more.

**Author's Note: For the followers of my other Twilight fic Second Chances. Second Chances will still be updated regularly and I have no intention of giving it up for this story. Jasper has been giving me fits for the past few weeks but I am whipping him into shape. ...I think he likes it that way. Let me know if you like the new story and thanks for all of the support.**

**Aerialla  
**


	2. Wishes

Stephenie Meyer owns all.

Certain parts of this chapter were taking from New Moon and are not my own.

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**This chapter is dedicated to the best reviewer I have ever had or ever seen. JaspersBella. You rock girl!**

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_**Flashback: Five Years Ago**_

****

I met him halfway around the truck. My arm was still on fire from where Carlisle had stitched my wound closed.

Edward had become quiet on the way home, too quiet_. _Even when I had interlaced my fingers with his, he had hesitated. When he had brought up Mike Newton in the car, then how much better off I would have been with Mike, everything had become clear.

The twisting in my stomach became painful as he came to help me. Every instinct I had told me that this was going to be it, our last night together.

He would not stay now. For months Edward had been trying to convince me that vampires were dangerous and if I were smart, which I was, I would run. No pun intended but tonight with Jasper had put the icing on the cake. Edward could have lived with the disaster that was James, but he couldn't live with a member of his own family attacking me.

If this was to be my last night with him, and since it was still technically my birthday, I would ask him for one wish, the wish to be his fully, just one time. I didn't know whether he would give in, scoff at my request and proceed to talk me around to his way of thinking. The latter were usual, but tonight more than ever, I was determined.

"Would you stay with me tonight?" Again I laced my fingers with his stepping between his legs to bring us closer.

"I should go home." One cold thumb drew circles on my hand.

I looked up at him but he had closed his eyes and his face made it look like he was fighting for control. If I were lucky, this could go in my favor. Leaning against his cold chest I laid my head over where the beat of his heart should have been.

"Stay, for my birthday." I whispered the words against him then kissed his chest snuggling my nose into the soft fabric of his shirt.

"You can't have it both ways, Bella. Either you want to celebrate your birthday, or you don't." His voice was stern then retreated and his chin came to rest on the top of my head after kissing it gently.

"I only want to celebrate my birthday with you. I'll meet you upstairs." Stepping back I reopened the truck door and grabbed my presents out of the truck, which Edward promptly took. Turning briefly I made for the house and through the open door. My heart told me that he would be there when I opened my bedroom door, but my head didn't agree.

After a few words with Charlie I made my way upstairs. In the bathroom propped on the toilet lid were a silver bag and a card.

"Bella,

I got this for you. No pajamas, at least for tonight. Jasper apologized and said he would make it up to you somehow, someday. Anytime you need us, do not hesitate to call. We love you.

Don't worry about Edward. He will have the control.

Alice."

Inside the bag was a white cotton baby doll nightdress with eyelet lace trim, threaded with a pale pink ribbon and matching panties. It was sexy, demure and would drive Edward insane. A pale pink robe in the same pink as the ribbon was in the bottom of the bag.

Laying the bag aside I brushed my teeth and fluffed out my hair before undressing. The stitches pulled and I winced. The moment the cool cottons of Alice's gift hit my skin, I shivered. I knew Edward could hear my racing heart from behind the closed door to my room. Soon he would know why.

Carefully I slipped on the robe then into the hallway. Charlie was on the phone and Sports Center was playing in the background, so I didn't have to sneak. I didn't want to think of the explanation I would have to come up with when he saw what I was wearing. The sound of his voice calling out to me had my heart hammering more.

"Bells, I just got a call from the station. I have to go in for a few hours. Will you be okay?" I could hear the jangle of his keys.

"Yeah, Char..er dad. I'll be fine. I'm just going to bed."

"All right. Night, Happy Birthday."

"Thanks, night."

I waited until I heard the back door slam and the car door open before I slowly opened the door to my room.

Edward had turned on the small desk lamp and it cast as many shadows into the room as light. He was sitting idly on my bed toying with a present.

Looking up at me I saw him swallow even though he didn't need to. His fingers bunched into the fabric of my comforter and his mouth opened, releasing no sound.

Slowly I walked the short expanse to the bed taking the robe off and laying it over the desk chair. Edward's eyes in the dimness were changing color from a dark amber to almost onyx. Deliberately I shoved the packages out of his lap before crawling into their place. In one movement I was straddling him and he leaned back into the headboard.

"Can I open my presents now?" My voice was slight, breathless and heady. With force of will I got my hands to stop shaking and ran them over the expanse of Edward's chest.

"Sure, if that's what you want." Edward's eyes were closed and his voice came in a husky whisper. His hands bunched at his sides as if he was too afraid to touch my bare skin.

"That's what I want." Bending I kissed his forehead and his nose.

Slowly I began to unbutton his shirt, exposing more and more of his pale skin.

"Bella, what are you doing?" Edward's hands were cautiously coming up to my sides, carefully not to touch the exposed skin of my legs and thighs.

"I'm unwrapping my present. You said today that my wish was your command. Well, I'm calling in my wish. I know what I want for my birthday." Hesitantly I ran my fingertips down his perfect chest, staying in the middle before letting them linger at the waistband of his jeans.

He gulped. "Whatever you want I'll get for you, I promise. You want that Audi coupe I talked about today. I'll have it delivered tomorrow." His eyes were still rapidly changing color and for a man that didn't need to breathe, he was taking several unneeded breaths. Slowly his hands were clasping my waist. Through the thinness of the cotton I could feel his every touch and it cooled my skin sending shivers down my spine.

Carefully I bent down, fully aware the cut of the gown was giving Edward a look from my sternum all the way to my belly button. Underneath me Edward began to squirm impatiently and I grew excited and bolder as I felt him harden. The panties that Alice had picked out were rapidly becoming damp and tight against me.

"You, Edward, I want all of you for my birthday." The sound of his belt buckle seemed so loud in the small room as did the top button of his jeans leaving their hole.

Edward moaned and growled deep in his chest and slowly he moved his hands down to my bare thighs. Slowly he pushed them even wider apart until the core of me was directly over the bulge in his jeans. The electricity at feeling him so close made me gasp.

"We can't do this Bella." His voice came out ragged but Edward made no inclination to move.

"Yes, we can. You said I could have anything, Edward. I want you tonight, not a year from now or longer. I want you right now."

To feel him so close under me made me bold. Slowly I ground myself down on him and the growl from his throat was almost deadly. Sitting up he looked me in the eyes. His eyes were dark and almost no amber remained. The straps on the gown had fallen down my arms leaving my neck and shoulders bare.

The heavy breaths in my chest had forced my breasts to tighten and strain at the fabric of the gown. My nipples had turned rock hard with the vicinity of Edward's cold chest. I took his face in my hands. I looked him in the eyes and began nibbling at his lips before taking one in my teeth to suckle.

Edward grew even harder underneath me if that was possible. Again I rubbed myself against him loving the friction of his jeans so close to me. The panties were completely useless now.

His hands came to my arms and pulled down the left strap slowly. My breasts were not fully bare, but so close. Whispered kisses caressed my collar bone before moving to my neck. A low growl erupted from his chest as he took the vein pumping life throughout my body and sucked hard. The bruising force caused a moan to leave my lips and I clung to his head holding him closer to me.

My breath was coming in ragged gulps as Edward lowered the straps of the gown down over my breasts. The cool air and the nearness of his chest made them form into hard pebbles that ached in a way they never had before.

His head was still in my hands as he bent even farther to take one rosy nub into his mouth. This time I couldn't muffle the cry from my lips and was instantly glad that Charlie had left. The chill of his hand and he rolled the other nipple between his fingers had me grinding even more on his lap. The bulge between us had grown even more.

"I want you, Edward. Let me have tonight, let me have you." Kissing his head I got him out of the rest of his shirt and sighed at feeling his cold skin against my own feverish form.

Pausing I put my hand between us, running my fingers down the length of him buried in his jeans. He groaned and this time it was he grinding against me.

"Bella, we should stop." The words were agonized, a whisper in the night, but I was undaunted.

"I can't, and I don't want to stop. I need you Edward." Carefully, slowly I lowered the zipper of his jeans inch by inch.

"I've never done this Bella, I don't know if I have the control to stop if anything happens." His eyes were sobering and starting to turn back to their amber color. I couldn't have that.

Rising up on my knees, I tossed the nightgown off and over my head. My panties were soaked. Like many normal teenage girls I had explored my body and had even tempted to pleasure myself once or twice. It had never been anything like this. I was soaked in a way I didn't even know was possible. I could smell how hot I was, and if I could, so could Edward.

"I trust you Edward. You saved my life after James. You can do this. I'll let you know if you get close." Slowly I ran my hands down my body, hooking my thumbs under the small straps for the panties, slowly I started sliding them down my hips.

In a flash Edward grabbed my hands, holding them together in his larger one. His eyes were back to onyx and there was a forcefulness about him that I had never seen. It was exciting and hot and I felt my whole body flush.

"If we do this, I need to stay in control. I don't want to hurt you, Bella." While his left hand held mine, the right ran down my side from breast to stomach and finally to hips. "Let me know if I hurt you in any way and we will stop."

His long fingers were sliding down the front of the panties into the part of me that was an inferno. I didn't want to ask him if he knew what to do, and figured with his powers he had been in enough minds to have seen the act more than once. Closing my eyes I gave into the feelings of my body as Edward flipped us over and his cool lips started kissing my body from head down.

Now it was my turn to clutch at the sheets. Edward stopped at my belly button dipping his frigid tongue in deep and sucking hard. His hands were on my breasts caressing and squeezing. His every touch was starting to make my body tremble.

Soon his hands had left my breasts and were trailing down my sides before gently pulling the drenched panties over my hips and down my legs. My hips arched off the bed, begging for him. I was whimpering with need.

"Soon, my beautiful Bella, very soon. You feel so good. I love your hot skin against mine. It's perfect when it flushes." Standing he quickly divested of his jeans and I got the first view of him naked in the moonlight. Adonis had nothing on his perfect form and my body craved to feel him inside me. Holding out my hands he came to me, leaving a trail of kisses from the tips of my toes and up the middle of my right leg.

The first kiss on my pubic bone right above the small patch of hair between my legs had me arching off the bed.

"You smell so good Bella, better than anything I could ever have imagined."

He returned to kissing me lower and lower as I whimpered and thrashed about. Finally he placed one frigid hand on my stomach and gently forced me down.

"Edward, I need you, please." I tried to reach for him but he didn't comply.

Lower he kissed. His cool mouth and teeth against the sensitive nub of my clit had me screaming his name. After suckling me hoarse he went lower still. It was his icy tongue inside my hot core that sent me spiraling over the edge and clawing at the sheets. I wanted him inside me, deep inside where we would join as one.

"God, Bella, you taste so good. It's the best thing in the world." His words were cold against my hot skin and I needed him inside me even more.

"Please, Edward I need you now." Raising up I met him halfway as his mouth crashed hungrily into mine.

My hands roamed his body as his tangled in my long hair. For the first time ever his lips were greedy on mine, hungry and forceful. My blazing hot breasts pressed up against his cold chest made me gasp and pull him closer. It felt like I was standing in the middle of the desert and he was the only water.

Frantically his hands left my hair, pulling a little, but it didn't matter. They traveled down my body to my thighs forcing them wider apart. His body was fully between them now and I arched into him. My fingers traveled down his chest to where I touched his hardness for the first time. It was much bigger, and harder like marble than I expected and for a brief moment the fear of pain zinged through my brain.

I wasn't given time to think about it. Easing between my scalding folds for the first time had Edward clutching the bed struggling for control.

The barrier of my virginity had him stopped within centimeters of my opening. He whispered "I'm sorry Bella." The words were barely audible as he grabbed my hips and forced his way through and fully into me.

Pain sliced through me like a blade and I cried out clutching at Edward's granite shoulders. I tried to push him back to make him go slower but he didn't heed. Because of the pain, I had tightened my body around him. He growled low and long in his throat and began thrusting into me hard and with abandon. I could smell the copper blood of my virginity and started becoming slightly woozy. Luckily it disappeared soon with the pain.

It wasn't long before I was arching up and into him, loving the feeling of him sliding in and out of me. When his weight shifted to just one of his arms I arched into him more as his free hand found my clit and began rubbing in small circles. I was so close, so very close. My body began rubbing against him and thrusting up to take him deeper. I needed more and more of him.

"Bella, god, you feel so good. You're so tight my darling, so hot. God, Bella." Deeper and faster he started thrusting into me, taking it as far as he could go.

I came with crashing waves screaming "Edward!" Clinging to wherever I could grab hold, I clenched so tight around him that I thought I would split into two.

Harder he thrust, now grabbing my hips and forcing me back onto the bed. The frame was hitting so hard that I thought the wall would crack. His weight lay on me now, his body entwined with mine. Edward had placed one of my legs on his shoulders and was going so deep that I could feel him in my stomach. Forceful were his hands on my body and even through the pleasure of his touch I knew I would be bruised tomorrow.

A spiraling inferno took both of us over the edge as Edward rubbed a deep spot inside me with every stroke. Wrapping my legs around his waist I pulled him in tight and together we fell into an abyss. Even in my orgasm I heard the muffled cry and the ripping of fabric as I fell wrapped around the man and now the lover I held in my arms.

*****

The morning after my birthday, especially after the night before should have been a happy occasion.

It wasn't.

I woke up cold and alone. My body hurt everywhere. I had expected some pain and discomfort, though nothing like this. It hurt to breathe, let alone to move.

A morning breeze was blowing through the curtains and the early dawn hours made vast shadows on the walls. Some light was trickling in but still not full sun. Edward must have left to hunt. After last night I was sure his thirst was insatiable.

The breeze picked up a small object, blowing it into my line of sight. It was a small white feather.

Moving I pulled the sheet around me, in the process dislodging more feathers. Reaching beside me I encountered the culprit, my down pillow, ripped to shreds. That must have been the last sound that I heard before falling into an exhausted sleep.

Realization hit brilliantly with a flash of light. Edward had bitten the pillow last night instead of me. Alice had been right. Edward had found his control.

A soft thump at the foot of my bed drew my eyes up. Edward stood in the shadows, his hands buried deep in his pockets. I noticed something different about his eyes as soon as he saw my naked form, they were turning black around the edges. It was the same effect they had last night when we made love.

Nervously I ran my fingers through my hair, hoping there was no feather entangled. I could feel the color rise to my cheeks. In the light of day I wasn't as wanton as I had been the night before.

"Good morning. I'm sorry I left. I went home to change clothes. I was hoping you'd still be asleep." His eyes were tender and I longed to have him in my arms again.

I made to get out of bed but became trapped by the sheets. The tops of my breasts became exposed and Edward turned hastily. He was ever the gentleman. I quickly pulled the sheet up. Even the slightest movement hurt and I winced silently in pain. Luckily Edward still had his back to me and didn't notice.

Neither one of us knew what to say about last night so the silence was awkward. Slowly I climbed out of bed, wrapping the sheet around me. A cloud of feathers went into the air with a faint trace of musk.

I don't know what made me glance at the bed, but I did. In the middle was the full evidence of my virginity. The mark looked dry but I quickly turned to Edward not fully knowing what he would do with the faint trace of copper that happened to be in the air.

"Are you all right?" His words were barely a whisper but in the stillness of the room were just loud enough to hear.

The back of him had formed a still line and he had begun to clench his fists.

"A little stiff and sore, but okay." My words came out just as quiet as his and I could feel myself blushing to the tips of my toes. The embarrassment did not stop me from going to him though.

Gently I walked up behind him. Wrapping my arms around his waist I laid my head on his cool back and hoped he could feel my love in the touch. Slowly he turned in my arms, wrapping his arms around my waist. His chin rested on my head and I buried my face in his shoulder.

Pulling back just a little I stood on my tiptoes and reach for his lips. At first Edward pulled away, just a little, then gave in crushing my lips to his.

His kiss became hungry and his hands tightened. Gently he worked the sheet away from my body to run shivers across my skin.

"Bella, I can't help it. I want you so much." Bending he lifted me by my thighs wrapping my legs around his waist. The movement pulled and hurt but I didn't utter a sound. I wanted him just as much as he wanted me.

"I love you, Edward." His lips were blazing icy streaks down my neck and I pulled them up to my lips.

Within seconds he was bending me over the bed. I was glad that in the darkened room he wouldn't be able to make out the bruises that I was sure was there. I started pulling up the T-shirt he was wearing and he finished pulling it over his head and tossed it to the floor. Standing he was out of his jeans before I could blink.

"God, you're beautiful, especially when you blush." Taking my wrists together in one of his hands he placed them above my head. Slowly he started kissing down the valley between my breasts pausing just above my heart, and he held his lips there. His right hand began kneading my breast. The chill of his skin made my nipples ultra sensitive and I gasped.

I wanted him more than last night, especially now that my body seemed more used to his touch. As his hand drew lower, down my hip and thigh I found myself involuntarily arching into him. There was a fire building up inside me and I was positive he was the only one who could put it out.

His fingers found the soft spot between my legs and began stroking, first up and down, then side to side. I tried to pull my wrists free but Edward gripped them tight. The pain of the bones grinding together overtook me for a moment, then diminished. The lessening effect happened to be the feel of Edward's finger as he gently stroked my opening. Despite the ache in my thighs and hips my body opened more to him.

I could feel him so hard against my thigh and my hips arched off the bed when I felt one long digit slide into my hot core. The pain I expected, hit me behind my eyes in a brilliant flash. Biting my lip I muffled my cry just in case Charlie was still home. Slowly Edward began stroking his finger in and out. I urged to dig my nails into the bed. It wasn't long before the pain subsided and the throbbing began to take over.

Edward let go of my hands and I was grateful to be able to dig them into his lush bronze hair. Slowly my breaths came in pants and when Edward's cold tongue replaced his finger, I spiraled out of control. His hands gripped tight to my thighs. From the tips of my toes the orgasm started and went all the way to my head. My hips were arching off the bed and into Edward and just when I thought it would never end I felt the marble shaft of him slowly enter me.

He grabbed me then, around the ribs pulling me up and onto his lap. A long low growl erupted from his chest vibrating against my breast. Slowly he began to slide my hot, wet channel up and down on his. The grip he had on my ribs hurt like hell but the pleasure he was bringing to everything else made it well worth it.

His head bent to be and as I gripped his hair. His mouth from one ultra sensitive nipple and sucked deep. Again I was soaring. Edward picked up speed and started thrusting into me deeper and stronger, even harder than last night.

"You feel so good Bella. You are so hot and tight. I can feel you throbbing around me, God Bella, it's so good." He was growling low and picked up more speed.

There did come the moment when the euphoria wore off that pain began to set in. My ribs were on fire and my thighs quivered from exertion. I clung to him then putting my whole body into his hands and hoped that a spare pillow was handy. I didn't have to wait for long.

"Bella! I love you." I felt him icy hot spilling into me. No pillow had been necessary. With his arms still wrapped around me, Edward laid his head on my shoulder and me on his. For long, incredible moments we held each other and basked in our love.

This was definitely the best way to start a day, or at least would have been if the morning light wasn't coming in to chase the shadows away.

Edward's face had buried in my neck and as he slowly stood I could smell the blood. I could feel my eyes roll and I fought the urge not to be sick. If I could smell the blood so fresh I knew Edward could as well. He had done well in using control last night, but today was a new day. I went to sit up and couldn't every inch of my body hurt.

"I knew last night and this was a bad idea." His voice was hard and clipped.

Before I could utter a sound, he was again fully dressed. Feeling unsure I looked away and began pulling the sheet over me. Luckily for me the fear of Edward hurting was outweighing the fear of blood.

"I should never have let this happen. When you started getting closer and more physical, I should have stopped it then." Turning his back to me he twisted his hands into fists.

"What are you talking about? Edward, please look at me." His turning away hurt, hurt more than any bruise on my body. I wasn't stupid. I had known what the consequences could be with making love with him.

"Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper all said there were dangers, but the pleasures we could have with each other were worth it as long as I was careful. Look in the mirror at what I've done and you will understand. I'm sorry Bella, so sorry."

Slowly I made my way to my feet, grabbing the desk when my legs didn't want to hold up. Step by step I made it to the mirror that hung on the back of my door. I could see the bruises on my wrists from his hands and slight blossoms of purple on my arms.

"Edward, I'm.."

"Bella Swan, don't you dare say you're fine." He turned now his eyes full of pain. Taking the few steps he was at my side and tugged the sheet off in one pull. The movement caused me to stumble. If Edward would not have been right behind me, I would have fallen.

"Look, Bella. Look and see the monster than I am." In the mirror I saw his hands go to my shoulders and then stop, afraid to touch me, afraid to hurt me more.

I did what he asked and looked in the mirror. A swath of bruises covered my rib cage just under my breasts which had one or two. My hips and thighs were the worse. Two sets of Edwards hand prints dark purple in color spanned my hipbones. My thighs were too mottled to see clearly though they wore the same dark color.

"Now tell me, how bad are you hurt inside? I want the truth Bella. How bad did I hurt you?" He had moved to sit on the edge of my bed then obviously remembering what we had done there, moved like lightning to the rocking chair.

To say that I wasn't a little shocked at the bruises would be a lie. I had known the dangers of his strength on my skin but never thought of anything to this extent. I didn't know whether to tell him the truth or not.

"Bella, the truth please, I have to know." His head was in his hands and I didn't need Jasper's ability to feel the pain rolling off him. I did the only thing I could. I went to him, sitting on the bed in front of him I left his question unanswered.

"It's not as bad as I thought." My hands went out to him but he was already gone, and pacing the small confines of the room.

"Not as bad as you thought! You're black and blue all over and it's not as bad as you thought. Exactly what kind of monster am I to you, Bella?" His agitation and anger were palpable.

"I know what your strength could do. I figured if something bad really happened, you would change me." I tried not to look at him over this answer as I knew how angrily it would make him.

"What if I'd killed you, drained you dry, then what would have been left to change?" Facing me now he stopped in his tracks. His eyes were black around the edges.

Almost in slow motion, for him anyway, he came to me. When he was on his knees in front of me, he took my face in his hands. "I could not live if you were to die, especially by my hand. I love you too much and it destroys me inside to know I caused you harm." Too many emotions flashed before his eyes for me to catch them all.

I placed my hands over his and stared into his dark eyes. "I love you Edward. I knew the risk I was taking. I did and still do feel that risk was worth it."

I hoped he could see all the love I had for him, could feel it. All the bruises were worth being in his arms and making love with him.

Gently he kissed my lips. "That's why I'm leaving. I can't stay here and put you at risk. One of us has to look out for you." Standing he strode toward the window.

"Edward!" I shook my head and turned to stare at his retreating figure. Standing as quickly as I could, I went to him.

"No, Edward, we'll work this out." Grabbing his arm. I tried to tug him around to look at me. Losing my footing I landed hard on the bed, bounced, then hit the floor. The impact was jarring, yet that he hadn't helped me hurt.

I didn't want to lose him, not after last night and this morning. His words started a fire in me. I became just a little angry.

He did pick me up off the floor and set me down on the bed, wrapping the quilt around me.

"I will not stay, knowing that I was able to hurt you physically like this while we made love is too much. I can't stay to hurt you again. I won't. I love you Bella, will always love you, but I won't see you hurt ever again by my hand." Gently he took my face in his hands.

Tears were falling rapidly from my eyes and my heart felt as if it would burst from my chest.

"Goodbye, Bella." With a final kiss to my lips he was to the window.

"Just like this you're going to leave me. Didn't last night mean anything to you?" I could feel anger beginning to roll within me and didn't know where it came from.

Somewhere deep inside all the pieces of my self-esteem began fusing together. I was worthy of his love and was stronger than he knew. If Edward didn't see the need to fight for us, then I didn't need him. I needed someone who wasn't going to run off at the first sign of difficulty.

"If you leave now Edward Cullen, don't ever come back. If my love and our relationship are not worth fighting for, then I am better off without you." It was the hurt in my heart that made the lips form on my tongue and force out my lips. He looked stunned by my words and stopped his back hunched. Standing I forced myself to my feet and turning my back on him walked with as much dignity as I could bear out into the hall shutting the door firmly behind me.

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_**End Flash Back**_

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	3. Hope

Stephenie Meyer owns all!

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**Carlisle's POV**

"Faster, Carlisle!" Alice was leaning forward in the passenger seat while I floored the Mercedes as fast as it would go.

As we rounded the dark corner of the road, we could see the bright, orange and yellow from flames. As we near the flames, the smell of blood clung heavy in the air. A large buck deer lay in the middle of the road.

As we neared the site, it was clear that we would find no survivors in the car. My heart and gut clenching a prayer slipped from my lips, audible to everyone in the car.

A small hand found my own and I looked at Alice. "Even if we had gotten here in time Carlisle, they wouldn't have made it. Two died on impact and the other's injuries were too extensive. I've run through the different scenarios and the crash is the same every time. There is nothing we could have done."

"Is Bella all right?" Edward was now leaning forward where before he had been acting like a petulant child.

"You mean you're voicing concern, considering we had to force you in the car." Emmett turned his large frame and I could see he was fighting for the control not to rip Edward apart.

"Bella is our first concern here. The pettiness out of both of you I will deal with later." This was one of the times I felt like I was a referee instead of a father. Smoothly I pulled the car over to the side of the road.

"Where is she Alice?" We got out, though it took longer for Edward. His attitude angered me but I forced myself to the task at hand.

"I'm not sure. I saw the car explode and then nothing. She could be anywhere." A vision had her quickly grabbing the side of a tree. "We have to hurry. We don't have much time." Unknowingly to Edward and Emmett, Alice had placed her hand on the tree in the exact number of minutes we had to find Bella. Three minutes.

"Emmett and Edward, you take the side of the road the car is on. Alice and I will take this side. Yell when you find her." Edward burned his eyes into my brain trying to get through. I quickly slammed my thoughts shut and heard his growl of frustration before he turned and joined Emmett on the other side of the road.

"Which way Alice?" I had taken my kit out of the car on a precaution. We didn't know what condition we would find Bella in.

"This way." Alice bolted into the trees northwest of the crash and I was hot on her heels.

We found her within seconds, about fifteen feet off the road. We called for Emmett and Edward. It only took seconds to have them at our side.

"Emmett we are going to need something as a stretcher to get her to the car. I don't want to risk jarring her by carrying her. Until we fully know the extent of her injuries, my only goal is keeping her alive. Edward, phone for an ambulance, set the flares out by the car and wait. Alice, go with him, this is going to be too much for you."

I was positive that my voice was forceful enough that they would not hesitate to obey. Later was the time to deal with Edward's juvenile moods.

Bending down I looked at the young woman that still held the spot of a daughter in my heart. Her heart was getting fainter by the second. Her unequaled pupils told me she had a concussion but I wouldn't know further without an x-ray. Quickly I pulled out the large syringe that would keep Bella alive until we could get her to the hospital. Quickly I injected the needle directly into her heart and pushed the plunger down. The dose of epinephrine would keep her blood flowing to her heart.

I reset her leg glad that it was a simple fracture. The rest would have to wait until we were at the hospital. It would have been so much easier if we could have just run her to the hospital, but without knowing the full extent of her injuries I didn't want to risk further damage. Ripples started forming across her abdomen and I prayed the ambulance would be here in time.

Emmett rushed at me with the picnic blanket that I kept in the car for when Esme and I had time alone. It was just large enough that it would work.

"I'm sorry I couldn't find anything else and didn't want to waste any more time." Too many people in our family, often did not give Emmett enough credit for his brains. They often never saw past the brawn and his jokester facade. He had one of the best minds for common sense that I had ever seen.

"If we each hold two ends, she should be able to fit in the middle." His restraint was amazing considering the blood in the air. My child had grown in leaps and bounds in the past five years. With more gentleness than I'd even seen him show, Emmett lifted Bella straight up and then placed her on the blanket, a large hand pushed the hair out of her eyes. His face was full of emotion and when he caught my eye he rushed away to the highway to wait for the ambulance, passing Alice on the way.

"The ambulance will be here in five minutes. We got here in just enough time." Alice sat on the ground, grabbing Bella's left hand in her own. "She'll be okay, Carlisle." Taking my jacket off I laid it over her still figure and prayed for a miracle anyway.

I noticed Edward standing on the road looking toward us. His features were unrecognizable but at least his hands were no longer gripped into fists and ready to battle the world. For all the years he had lived as a vampire, there were still character traits about Edward that forever would be that of a seventeen-year-old young man.

As the ambulance neared with a fire engine Edward turned around and seemingly disappeared. Alice ran to tell them where to park. Emmett and I gently carried Bella to the side of the road.

"Dr. Cullen! Nice to see you back in town."

The paramedic, Paul, was one I had worked alongside many times in the emergency room. He and another female unloaded the stretcher and Emmett and I lifted Bella onto it.

"Do you mind if I ride in, I'll fill you in on everything on the way?" I wanted to make sure that I was the one taking care of Bella. I owed her that much.

"We don't allow anyone to ride anymore, insurance reasons." The other paramedic, Jessica given the name on the shirt looked at me rather smugly.

"Sure you can Dr. Cullen, especially if you're going to be the attending physician. She'll be better in your hands than anyone." He smiled at me while the female scowled at his back.

"Go home, tell your mother that I'm going to the hospital." Emmett grabbed Alice's hand and they trotted back to the Mercedes as I climbed in the ambulance.

"So, what's going on with her Doc?" Paul already had an I.V. hooked in and was making notes on the required forms.

"She has a broken left fibula, multiple lacerations, GCS of at least ten with pupils being responsive though unequal, possible cracked ribs and internal bleeding. As you can tell she's about seven to seven and a half month pregnant, and if the spasms are any indication going into preterm labor." I sat back and let the paramedic do his job.

"Did she have any information on her?" He finished hooking her to the heart monitor and while erratic I was happy to note that it had gotten a little steadier, with Bella's unborn child.

"No, I suspect anything in the crash is a loss. The flames were high when my children and I stopped. The left rear door was open so we hoped someone had escaped. We were lucky." Gently I took Bella's left hand in my own, my finger gently rubbing over the plain gold band and the small diamond engagement ring that adorned her finger.

"I'm sure the hospital will have some record of her, or at least the police station. Is Charlie Swan still Police Chief?" I tried to appear nonchalant in my question.

"Chief Swan died just more than four years ago. Someone gunned him down at a routine traffic stop. Whole town mourned him, still does, especially that daughter of his. They still haven't caught the person that did it."

We pulled into the emergency room just as I was getting over my shock. In such a short amount of time Bella had not only lost Edward and us, but her father as well. We were so wrong to have left her behind.

For now it was time to put aside any emotional ties I had to Bella and be her doctor. It was still touch and go and a turn for the worse could mean not only her life, but the life of her unborn child.

The doors opened to the emergency room and immediately we were swarming with nurses. Rapidly I fired off all the information they needed. For now Bella would be a Jane Doe.

"Dr. Cullen, we didn't know you were back in town." Jackie was one of the older nurses was proficient enough to take information, check vitals and converse at the same time. "Are you planning on staying? We could always use your brilliance around here?"

She deftly hung the I.V. bag as the trauma team transferred Bella to a bed and began hooking her up to the other necessary monitors, one a fetal heart monitor.

"I'm not sure yet. Who will the attending be?" I stood back out of the way and let the nurses do their job. Within minutes they had Bella stabilized enough to monitor her labor and to have the CT-Scan ran.

"A new one. Dr. Cooper. He's here from New York. We'd much prefer to have you. This new doctor has some Tourette Syndrom that has some of the younger girls running for cover. I'll call Max Phillips at home. He's the Chief of Staff now. If you go back on duty, at least while you're here, he'll probably let you be the supervising physician."

Jackie turned on her heel and even she fled the room as the new hot shot doctor walked in. At least I could say one thing about him. He had enthusiasm.

Not bothering introducing himself, Bella's physician began to look her over, while continuing to talk on a Bluetooth headset.

"So St. Bart's again, huh. We should do something different this time . . . I don't know . . . Man those girls last time were hot."

The man wasn't even bothering with Bella's chart. Instead he was giving her a cursory glance and dared to move the hair away from her face. I growled low in my throat. Turning around quickly, Dr. Cooper immediately disengaged his phone. Seeing me his hand shot out to grab something and touched nothing but air. Would I have been a nurse there was no doubt I would have gotten a shocking surprise? I now understood what Jackie meant about the Tourette syndrome.

"Dr. Cullen, I've heard a lot about you. They sure do treat you like God around here don't they."

His laugh was nervous and his eyes began darting between me and Bella and I was having the slightest problem containing my anger and annoyance enough not to throw him out the window.

A flurry of footsteps sounded outside the curtain and I smelled Jackie's perfume. "She's all yours Dr. Cullen. Max has authorized full reinstated for as long as you want. The Jane Doe will now have you listed as attending physician. He also wants to come in and talk to you about some problems, his bursitis is acting up again."

She left as quickly as she had come and I shooed the rest of the nurses away as well. They had been here long enough to remember me and that I liked to work alone. I tried to show Dr. Cooper where he could go as well. I wasn't expecting the fuss he put up, wasting precious time.

"Ah come on. At least let me help, case like this, two doctors are better than one." Apart from his appalling behavior I could see the sincerity in his eyes and the genuine need to help. Nodding my head, I agreed.

"I'm going to change, make sure her condition is fully stable and order up the CT, call up to maternity and have them prep a delivery room for an emergency cesarean section. Last get her fingerprints and run them against the database. We need to know who she is and any allergies that she may have." I clipped out the orders and gave Dr. Cooper the look I usually reserved for the newest of interns, he jumped and ran to fulfill my orders.

I took off in a fast human run to the nearest staff room and changed into scrubs. I was back into the room before Dr. Cooper could call for the CT.

"I can't get anyone over there by phone. I'm going to go over now." Dr. Cooper was hanging up the phone as I got in.

"When you get there, if no one is there, get the key. I'll run the machine myself. Now run, I'll get her prepped." As he left, I snatched the light pen out of his jacket and went to Bella's side.

Opening her left eye, then her right, I was glad to note that her irregular pupils were returning to normal, which meant that swelling in her brain was lessening.

"Bella, can you hear me? You need to wake up. If you can't talk squeeze my fingers."

Taking her hand in mine, I felt the slight pressure. "That's good sweetheart. I'm going to ask you some questions and I want you to squeeze my fingers,." Again the pressure.

"Are you in any pain?" The hand gripped mine, tighter this time. I took it to mean that she was in much pain. "Can you open your eyes on your own?" She squeezed and as she did her eyes fluttered open. I was beginning to pull her out of her unconscious state. Her liquid chocolate eyes focused on mine and then all hell broke loose.

The heart monitor went erratic as did the fetal monitor. Bella was going into shock. I watched as she slipped unconscious.

Three nurses ran behind the curtain and I began barking out orders.

"Get maternity stat and have them prepped for an emergency cesarean and have a crash cart on standby. Move people. We're going now!" Flying I had Bella prepped for the journey up three flights of stairs before the nurses even had an opportunity. Jackie was right behind me making sure the proper monitors stayed attached.

The elevator took forever. "Someone please find me this young woman's name and notify her family, and someone get Dr. Cooper's ass up here now!" One girl got off on the next floor and ran to do my bidding.

I let them wheel her into the delivery room and went into the antechamber. I was glad that they would be too busy to see my speed as I changed scrubs and washed up. Two maternity nurses had Bella ready. With every passing minute two heartbeats were dropping fast. Screw Dr. Cooper. I didn't have the time to waste on him.

He surprised me and showed up just as I was ready to begin. "Keep a check on her heartbeat and breathing. Let me know immediately if she starts showing signs of distress. I'm going to do a general, even though she's out I don't want her in any unnecessary pain."

"We'll need to wait for the anesthesiologist." Dr. Cooper was by her side and waiting?

"We'll discuss my certifications later, keep an eye on her breathing and intubate if you have to."

With precision I inserted the needle and gave it just enough time before I called for a scalpel. Within minutes Bella's child, a beautiful but a small baby girl was born. The nurses went to work hooking the baby up to monitors while I removed the placenta and stitched Bella back up. With the cleanup process I put a call through for the CT scan and threw and MRI in for good measure.

When we were leaving for the scans Bella's heartbeat and again stabilized and I was happy to learn that Bella's little girl weighed three pounds and four ounces was doing remarkably well.

While we were waiting for the results I would get Bella's leg set in a cast and take a look at her ribs. From that point on until Bella awoke, it was going to be a waiting game.

**Author's Note: I am hoping that everyone that reads this as well as Second Chances will come to love this one just as much. Man wouldn't it be a hoot to see as many reviews for this story as Second Chances. No pressure guys. If you like, or even if you don't, leave a review. Reviews are my own personal heroin.**


	4. Secrets

Stephenie Meyer owns all

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**Three Hours Later**

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Just as dawn was impacting the world, I walked into the waiting room, tired but relieved. Bella had fully stabilized with her heartbeat, and breathing fully regulated. Her leg was now set in a plaster cast. Tape secured her four bruised, and one cracked rib.

I had to tell my family the news I had found out just minutes before. Edward in particular was going to take some of the news hard.

"Is she okay? Why didn't someone call Charlie?" Alice, and Esme raced to my side. I pulled both of them in for a hug. It felt good to be back among my family. The other's walked nearer, even Rosalie.

"Bella, and her daughter are stable. Unfortunately, Charlie Swan died four and a half years ago. Mike Newton, Bella's husband, and the elder Newton's, died in the crash." I saw Edward tense up at the mention of Mike Newton's name. For more than an instant I wondered if the waiting room could handle his wrath.

Edward turned, storming toward the door, and out into the early morning mist. The rest of the family sighed, they had enough of Edward's moves over the last five years.

"Meet us all at home in fifteen minutes Edward. There is a matter that we must discuss as it affects us all."

He turned his face toward me, nodding his yes to the reply then left.

Esme, Jasper, Alice, and I made the short trip home in the Mercedes. Emmett and Rosalie went on foot. We beat them by only a few seconds.

From outside we could hear the music. It had been so long since he had played, too long. Slowly we went inside. He stopped immediately. We convened in the living room and while the ladies chose to sit, the men in the family tended to prowl. Edward stared out into the window as dawn's light bathed his face. There was never going to be a time to tell them this news, but it needed attention. A feeling of serenity washed over me. I looked at Jasper, mouthing my thanks.

"Bella is, and will be this family's main concern from this point on. While at the hospital, I found out some interesting news. Charlie Swan died during a traffic stop in February of the next year after our leaving. One day before graduation, Bella, married Mike Newton in a small ceremony at his parent's church, they became engaged the previous Christmas."

There was a hush in the room. Even Alice couldn't believe that Bella had fallen for someone so quickly after we had left. Edward turned toward me, his face was full of rage and his eyes were turning black.

"I don't have to stay here, listening to this." He turned to stride off. Tired of his temper tantrums over the years, I felt my own anger flare hot. Grabbing him I forced him into the stone of the fireplace leaving a foot long crack in the marble.

"Yes you do. As the patriarch of this family, and your maker, you will do as you're told."

I flung him down onto the floor where the hardwood and the concrete below caved. Turning to Esme I mouthed the words of an apology. She shook her head at me, understanding.

The rest of the family looked at me with new eyes, Jasper's, and Rosalie's, especially held new respect.

"Ten days after graduation, Bella Newton delivered prematurely, a five-pound three-ounce baby boy. The chart said that her date of conception was at or around September the 13th."

A hush came over Edward, who looked like he would sink into the floor.

"Would you like to explain? Just what the hell happened between the two of you that she wouldn't call us? Why would Bella not call to tell us that she was having your child?"

I was daring Edward to rise again so I could put him back in his place. Edward had much explaining to do to our family.

"It's partially my fault." Alice stood, trying hard not to contain her sadness.

She alone had known. It was one of the visions I had asked her to keep from me. She had tried to tell me once after a powerful vision. I had told her to keep it to her until I could fully block Edward.

"I got Bella lingerie for her birthday. I'd had a vision of her, and Edward together, with him keeping control. I left them in her bathroom for her. I didn't know anything else would happen." Turning she went to her husband who gathered her in his arms.

"Did you know about this? Did you know that I had fathered a child?"

Edward was to his feet and stalking toward Alice leaving Jasper to jump in front to defend his wife.

One word stopped him in his tracks. "Yes."

"That's why you've blocked me from your mind. You didn't want me to know. You bitch!" Edward's hands were clenching, and unclenching. Venom was dripping from his mouth.

A physical burst of power hit the room and toppled those standing except for of its maker. Jasper still stood over his wife.

"If you're finished blaming Alice, maybe we need to look at the reasons we left in the first place."

Jasper's words were truer. With my anger, I could not have come up with a better question at the moment. He stood to help Alice to her feet. Emmett and I got to our own. Edward sat still before climbing to his feet. Thanks to Jasper's powers he now would at least be calm if not rational.

"Tell us what happened Edward, we can't understand if you don't tell us." Esme went to Edward laying her hand on his shoulder, offering her full support. He took it, squeezing her hand before letting it drop. With his back to us he once again faced the morning.

"I was at Bella's the night after her birthday party. One action led to another. We made love. That morning I came back here to change clothes. I went back to her house. She was just waking up when I got there. It was still dark outside. Feathers covered her. I had bitten a pillow to keep from biting her. We wound up making love again that morning. Just as the sunlight was coming through the window, I noticed the bruises. They were dark and purple all over her body, bruises that I had made with my hands. I don't know where else she hurt. I knew there were fresh, and old blood in the air. She was having a little trouble breathing because I had hurt her ribs. I could hear the muscles in her stomach contacting. I asked her how badly she hurt, she said not as badly as she had expected."

A sob tore at his throat and he pressed his head against the glass.

"She said that she knew that even if I lost control I could just turn her. She said it as if the bruises, the hurt I had caused to her body was nothing. I knew the moment she said the risk had been worth it that we needed to leave. If she wasn't going to protect herself then I would have to. I told her that I wouldn't stay to see her hurt by my hand ever again, that I loved her, but I was leaving. At her window I turned, kissed her one last time, then told her good-bye. She got angry. Before she walked out of the room, she said that if I left, not to bother coming back."

I watched as my son folded to the floor in grief and pain. Behind me Jasper went to his knees on the floor trying to keep it together. One motion to Emmett had him lifting Jasper to his feet, then racing them out of the house. Rosalie, and Alice followed knowing that Esme, and I needed to be alone with Edward.

"Oh Edward, I'm sure she didn't mean it." Esme was running her fingers through his hair as I watched my sons chest heave with dry sobs that had been building for five years.

"If she didn't Esme, then she would have called. I would not have spent the last five years of my life without knowing my son. Where is he Carlisle, where is my son?"

Little by little I could see Edward change right before my eyes and gain a maturity that had seemed forever lost to him. Gaining his feet, he looked at me now with the feel of a man instead of a perpetual teen.

"He's with Jacob Black, and his wife on La Push. They are the next of kin in Bella's file." It was hard for me to tell him that, knowing the treaty forbid up to enter La Push.

"What's our option?" Esme stood, ever the mother protecting her cubs.

"Right now, unfortunately we have none. Until we can talk to Bella personally, we wait. Afterward it still all depends on Bella. Without trying to force something legally, we don't have a choice. How this even happened, I have no clue. I've never heard of a human female giving birth to a normal child, let alone survive the pregnancy. The birth usually ends looking like a horror movie. Unless the mother is turned right away, she dies. I won't go into the other details because it's too gruesome. How Bella survived to have a healthy, and normal child, if his charts are anything to go by, then I don't know." I had to ask Edward the one question that was sure to drive him over the edge to fury.

"Edward, are you positive that Bella wasn't seeing someone else. We know that you both loved each other, but could it have been possible there was someone beside you in her life." I hoped for Edward's sake that my question was off base.

"No, there was no one else. Bella was a virgin the night of her birthday. So was I." Edward was sitting with his hands on his knees and his head bent. He looked beaten. For the first time I didn't know how to help.

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**Author's Note: I'm sorry about the delay in the new chapter. I have been working hard on Second Chances. Another chapter will be up this week as well. I can't not believe the response to this story. The reviews are incredible. Please keep the reviews flowing in. Reviews for me are better than being dazzled by hunky Cullen vampires.**


	5. Author's Note

**Author's Note:**

**Many thanks to everyone that continues to read and review the story. **

**Since my last update I have been working with no days off. My boss unfortunately decided to hire a bunch of high school students when we first opened, only to have start leaving at the beginning of August to get ready for college. This has left a small coffee shop extremely understaffed and the older ones, like me, overworked.**

**Last week I was in a car accident while taking my daughter's to school. The accident totaled the front end of my car. Luckily, besides me, no one else was injured. I walked away with a hurt shoulder. At the emergency room they told me that I have pulled every muscle in my left arm down to my finger tips and around and down the left side of my spine. They believe because of this accident that I might develop carpal tunnel syndrome, but hopefully it will go away as my shoulder heals.**

**To top a very bad month off I have to send in my computer to be fixed. My laptop monitor decided it wasn't going to work anymore. The good news, at least for me, is it's still under warranty. The bad news, it will take two weeks for me to get it back.**

**Due to all of these circumstances Second Chances and Love, Lies, and Lullabies will still not be updated for a few more weeks. I can't express my feelings of frustration and anger at these unfortunate events in my life right now. The only thing I can ask for is everyone's understanding and patience as I get these situations straightened out. I care too much for these stories just to call a halt to them**.

**Please bear with me and I promise it will be worth the wait. I am deeply sorry to all of my readers and reviewers and I hope that I will not lose you in the shuffle to other stories out there.**

**In love, gratitude and respect**

**Aerialla**


	6. Joy

**Edward's POV**

After I had finally talked everything out with Carlisle, and Esme, I felt better. I was now willing to see Bella. Late that night when the hospital was the most quiet, I snuck in through a back way. They changed her room from the ICU, to the maternity ward to be closer to her daughter. Her CT scan had come back normally.

Making sure the nurse was busy working at the desk, I snuck into her room. I made sure to leave the door just the way I had found it. Carlisle had made sure that she was in a private room and down a hall away from the busy cycle of the ward.

Bella had bandages that started at her head, ending with the cast on her leg. I remembered seeing her like this after James. It had scared me so much to see her hurt, knowing I could do nothing about it. This time was worse. I was trying hard to deal with the anger, mixed with the love I still felt so strongly for her. The feeling rolled together until I didn't know whether to cry or destroy something.

On the cart by her side someone had sent a large bouquet of wild flowers. Someone knew Bella well enough to know that she wasn't a fan of roses and considered them ostentatious. Quickly scanning the card I saw the signature read, Jacob and Leah Black. On the side was another card, larger this time, made of construction paper. It was a drawing of four people in front of a small house. A typical child's drawing. In a bright blue crayon above the people were their names, Mommy, Daddy, Charlie, and Alicia Rose. In the corner was the full name of my son, Charles Edward Newton. I fingered the name and felt my long dead heart constrict in my chest.

The pain at seeing an obviously happy family was worse than even the flame of turning. I longed to see what he looked like, if he had my human eyes, or my mother's smile. Would his hair be dark like his mother's, or my own bronzed? I had missed so much of his life. I would have given anything to have been here since the beginning of his life. Bella had robbed me of so many years, all because I had wanted to keep her safe.

"You must hate me so much, especially to never let me know. How could you not have let me know? Was my wanting to protect you, worth me not knowing my own son? I left because I loved you, you kept him from me out of spite. I'm going to try for the sake of my son, but I don't know how I can ever forgive you for this Bella. I can understand you marrying, even being happy with Mike, if that's what you wanted. To keep my son away from me, Bella, was cruel that was something for which I never took you for." Carefully I unhooked the picture from the vase, folding it carefully, I put it in my jacket pocket. Leaving the room, I ran back to the house where I taped the picture to the refrigerator for everyone to see. One person was in the house. She flew to my side, laying her head on my shoulder.

"You shouldn't have done that you know. He is going to ask about it tomorrow afternoon when they bring him to see the baby." I stiffened. Alice massaged my arm. "Don't worry he's going to draw another one, but it won't be as good. I'll have to tell her that I approve the name for her little girl. I wonder if Mike knew the name was a form of mine and Rosalie's."

Alice's actions hurt. It hurt that she had kept the truth from me, but I understood it. Looking at the picture, I wanted to be angry. I couldn't. My leaving had given Bella the chance for the normal life I wanted her to have. With my left arm I wrapped it around my sister, pulling her into my side. For the first time in four years she let down her shield, allowing me to see into her mind.

"I'm sorry Edward. I did what I had to do to protect them. If you look deep enough, you'll see every vision concerning the outcome of telling you. All of her visions ended in death and despair. You're my big brother, and I love you, so I hope you can understand. You left Bella to protect her. I found a way to block you fully from my mind to protect us all." Slowly the floodgates opened to Alice's mind. I could see every action that my anger at finding out about my son would have caused. Many of Alice's visions ended with all of us dead, including Bella and Charlie.

"Thanks, Pixie. I'll find a way to make it up to you."

"Give Bella time so I can know my nephew, and I will forgive all." In the blink of an eye, Alice began replaying in her mind every vision she'd had of Charlie. Through her mind I got to watch the birth of my son, when he learned to walk, and crawl, his first day of preschool. None of the visions were as precious to me, as Alice's vision of him sitting up in his crib, playing with a stuffed toy of the Count from Sesame Street. Alone he patted the toy that shimmer in the light, and said "Dada." I watched through Alice's mind, as he fell asleep holding the toy.

"That toy is his favorite. Bella makes sure that it is always in his backpack. I tried to find out how she got it, but I've never found the answer. I think it's cute the way the fabric shimmers in the light, just like us." She took her arm off me, and went to step away. I had to catch her as she started to fall.

"I think I repressed all of those a little too much. I believe that I'm feeling a headache." Lifting her up in my arms, I took her upstairs to her, and Jasper's room.

"Do you want me to call Carlisle?"

"No, I'll be fine. I'm going to take a hot bath, and relax. Remember this afternoon, two o'clock, he will be at the hospital. Make sure that you hide in the closet across from Bella's room." I laid her down on her bed then left. My heart still filled with so much pain, was also feeling jubilant.

I took off hunting, keeping a close watch on the time. A myriad of thoughts ran through my head. My thoughts stuck on the images where Bella would not let me see my son. I had a hard decision to make. Would I stay, fighting for him, or would I fade into the background as I had done before? I didn't know.

Back at the house I showered, and changed clothes. Carlisle was in his office. I stepped in, closing the door behind me. No one else was at home so now was the perfect time to have a private conversation. At first it had angered me that Carlisle had blocked his mind from me, but now I understood, or was at least trying.

"I don't know what to do? Should I fight for him, or should I just leave now? I'm overwhelmed with the need to see him, to hold him. How did it happen that we had a child, it's not supposed to be possible?" I flung so many questions at my father at once that he held up his hand to stop me.

"Only you can decide whether to stay or go. The family will stay here now, for if possible. You alone, Edward, have to live with the eternity of not knowing your son if you walk away. Until a time when I can examine him, we don't know if any of the vampire genetics passed to him, or what those will entail. It may be possible that he is more human and will thus live, and die as human. He could reach a certain maturity, and stop aging. You have to decide what to do. How to live with the consequences of your actions, right now his father died in a car crash with his grandparents. You can leave it at that, hoping for the possibility he has a long human life. Can you stand on the outside, watching as he grew then got old, passing away without knowing him, or him you? In the end that is the safest answer, but safe is not always the right answer. Since he is your son, with even the smallest part of vampire genetics running through his veins, he will never be safe, especially if the Volturi ever finds out. You can leave, protecting him from you, or you can stay, protecting him from a threat that will mean his death, no matter his age."

Carlisle stood from his desk and came around. Placing both of his hands on my shoulders, he looked into my eyes. "I say this not as your maker, Edward, but from a position as your father over these long years. Do not let the opportunity, of a life with your son, pass you by. Though our situation is different, I am grateful for every year of life that I have been the father to you, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice and Jasper. The five of you in my life brought meaning to my existence. I would not trade even one day for all that heaven holds. Do not waste the precious gift of watching your son grow, and change right before your eyes. Fight for your son Edward, the way I would fight for you." Looking me in the eye he embraced me, then left me alone with my decisions. Carlisle's words, and the image of my son patting his toy and saying Daddy, decided for me. No way in hell I was going to give up my son. If it meant a fight, then for him, I would fight.

*****

I was in the closet just as two o'clock came. With Carlisle back on staff getting around the hospital was easier. I had a clear shot into Bella's room. The nurses had propped the door fully open.

I heard them before I saw them. Two voices came down the hall. My ears latched onto one and my chest tightened.

"Did you like seeing your little sister, squirt?" After the prom, I would never forget the voice of Jacob Black.

"Yeah, she's so tiny, just like a pixie. Mommy said that pixie's really do exist. That a long time ago she knew one." The voice while high, and childlike was one I would recognize anywhere, it was so close to my own.

"Really, your mom knew a pixie. You have to tell me the story."

"Yep, she said this pixie loved clothes, and dressing people up like dolls. She was never mean about it. She just liked helping people that way." I could see my son now as they neared the door of the room. I almost choked in shock the hair was as dark as Bella's. It was no mistaking the green of his eyes, or that he was identical with the picture my mother had of me at the same age. The urge to grab him, to run, was overwhelming. I stayed put. I didn't want to do anything that would jeopardize me in his life permanently. Instead I memorized everything about him down from the backpack, to the tiny Converse shoes. He was the perfect combination of me, and Bella.

"Charlie, I have to tell you something. Your mom cannot talk to you right now. Last night we told you your parents, and grandparents were in a bad accident, right?" My son shook his head yes at Jake's question, looking afraid.

"Well in the accident, your mom broke her leg. She's banged up badly. She's going to be in the hospital for a few days. They have her on medicine that causes her to be sleepy." Jacob held onto Charlie's hand tighter.

"Like the kind she gives me when I have a cold?"

"Yeah, it's just like that."

"Do I get to see Daddy next Uncle Jake, can he talk? I want to tell him and Grandpa how you, and Grandpa Billy took me fishing yesterday."

Tears were streaming down Jacob Black's face. My chest heaved for my son. "Charlie, you remember how Leah, and I told you the accident was bad? Because of the accident, you won't get to see your daddy, grandpa, or grandma."

Jake bent, grabbing Charlie into his arms. Turning he went into the room leaving the rest of the conversation alone for a different time. "See, your mom got the flowers we picked for her yesterday."

"Where's her picture I want to show it to her?"

For an instant I felt ashamed at taking the picture, especially with seeing Charlie so eager to show it to her.

"It's lost somewhere, Charlie, we'll make a new one for her. Do you want to tell her about it, she can't talk yet, but I'm positive she can hear you?"

Jacob held Charlie in his arms. Charlie immediately started babbling about his picture, with fishing, and playing with other kids on the reservation.

For the first time in my existence I wished I could cry, anything to get the hurt out of my chest. I watched as my son told his mother, all about his day, and his excitement over his new baby sister. I wanted to be the one in that room holding him to me, hearing him talk forever. I was just about to leave the closet. The urge overwhelmed me to run, to take my son away, when I smelled a vampire.

Down the hall walked Carlisle, writing in a chart. A nurse walked next to him. The nurse looked direct into the closet, into my eyes. Alice, what in the world was Alice doing dressed like a nurse.

"What are you up to Alice?" I knew her, and Carlisle would hear my whispered words.

"You'll see." The words formed into her brain. It was refreshing to hear her thoughts. I had forgotten how pleasing it was to hear her in my head. I would have to tell her that someday.

I watched as Carlisle went into the room with Alice. I waited.

"Hi, I'm Carlisle, Bella's attending physician." I thought it was strange that Carlisle hadn't used his last name, but it didn't matter Jacob recognized him anyway.

A growl filled the room, coming from Jacob. Carefully he set Charlie down, then behind him, out of harms way. Charlie immediately looked terrified as he clung to Jacob's jean clad leg. Carlisle held up his hand to stop any apparent attack.

"Now is not the time for old arguments. Yes we are back for now. It will be up to Bella to decide how long we stay. Right now we need to concentrate on getting Bella well for her children. That is our main concern. Also, there are things concerning her care, with preparations for her spouse, and in-laws that need addressed. You can let either Alice take the child to the end of the hall to the children's waiting room, or we can discuss everything in front of him."

Carlisle was checking Bella's monitors, writing his findings down on her chart. Alice bent down, peeking at Charlie, who was looking around Jacob's leg.

"Hi, sweetie. I'm Alice, would you like to come with me. A room down the hall has many toys, and many supplies to make pictures. Would you like to make some pictures while your uncle, and the doctor talk?" At the mention of drawing a new picture Charlie perked up, then held out his hand.

"You're just like the pixie in my mommy's stories." His awe as he looked at Alice fully for the first time made my sister laugh.

"That's funny because my nickname is Pixie. You will have to tell me all about your mommy's stories about pixies." Charlie took Alice's hand not noticing the cold of her fingers and followed her.

She was almost to the door when Jacob grabbed her arm, bending close to her ear. "You take him one foot from that room, and I swear I will tear you apart." Something flashed in his eyes that I had not seen in a long time. It was then that I recognized the smell the chemicals in the closet had been covering. Jacob with whom knew how many others, on the reservation, were werewolves.

"I wouldn't dream of it Mr. Black. We will be down the hall in the children's waiting room, just like I said." Alice pointed to the nearly visible corner of the waiting room.

"So tell me Charlie have you had lunch yet? They have pizza, and ice-cream in the cafeteria today. We could have them bring you up some while you wait on your uncle." Alice waited while Charlie ran back to ask Jacob for permission.

"Uncle Jake said its ok, especially when I told him how much I want pizza, and ice-cream, they're my favorites." Again he grabbed Alice's hand. Together they walked down the hall.

Feeling jealous of Alice's time with Charlie I nearly hit the wall until Alice's voice sounded in my head. "Don't hit the wall. Wait five minutes. When Jake's back is to you, swing out the opposite way. Meet us in the waiting room. You will have just more than two hours with your son."

Joy was the only word to describe my feelings. In five minutes I would get to spend time with my son.

It was the longest five minutes in existence. Just as Jacob turned around, I slipped out the door to the left. I walked into the room to meet my son who was just sitting to draw a picture.

"Charlie, this is my brother Edward. Edward, meet Charlie." Alice introduced us, then moved away.

"Edward, that's just like my middle name." His eyes, so like mine, bore a hole through me. Bending on my haunches, I looked at what he was drawing. The backpack he had been wearing earlier was open. The toy from Alice's vision sat at Charlie's side.

"Who is this guy Charlie?" I pointed to his toy all the while never taking my eyes off his sweet face.

"That's Count. He's from Sesame Street. He's my favorite. Did you know that he's a vampire, but he's a good guy?"

"No, I didn't. He's neat. He shimmers in the light doesn't he? May I?" I went to pick the toy up.

"Yeah, it's neat. My mommy said some special people in the world have skin that shines like diamonds. She said that some were bad. She knew a whole family who sparkled like Count. They were good guys, and once they protected her from a bad guy who tried to hurt her.She told me she found Count one day while shopping. It reminded her of the special people and how much she missed them."

Carefully he handed his cherished toy to me. Alice, and I stared at each other over it. Had I been wrong in my feelings? Did Bella deliberately try to keep me from my son, or did something else happen? I was going to have to wait for Bella to wake up to find out. What I did know was that I didn't want to miss any more of my precious child's life.

"Charlie, I think I smell pizza." Alice singsong voice trilled. The sound of feet coming our way brought a smell of another vampire.

"I have an order of pizza, salad, apple juice, and ice-cream for Mr. Charlie Newton." The voice of my mother rang in the small room. I looked at her curiously.

"What, if you think I'm going to let the two of you monopolize my grandson you're nuts." I smiled at her when her voice came through my head.

It was the best hour of my life. After Charlie ate his lunch, we finished his picture together. He, and I made a tower of Legos which he promptly pushed over, laughingly destroying it. Sesame Street came on, if my heart could have beaten it would have. Charlie with all the fearlessness of his mother crawled into my lap, and arms to watch his favorite program. My mother, and sister quietly left the room. I had a half hour of bliss. Slowly Charlie fell asleep in my arms, a place where he felt too right and natural. Next to having Bella in my arms so long ago this was the greatest feeling in the world. Bending I placed a kiss on top of his soft head. Quietly I began humming the notes to his mother's lullaby.

Whatever Bella wanted me to do I'd do it if I could stay in Charlie's life. After holding him I knew all the wrong I had done in leaving Bella. I wasn't ready to fight then, but I was now. Some part of me said it was going to be a hell of a fight.

I heard Jacob walking down the hall shuffling papers in his hands. Closing my eyes I prayed Charlie would stay asleep.

Walking into the room Jacob saw me, saw Charlie, and started to shift.

"Are you insane?" Carlisle grabbed Jacob's arm, pulling him out of the room, reminding him of where he was.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" His voice was low, on an edge, his eyes were rapidly changing colors. His muscles had bulked. Jacob was close, too, close to changing. He stared at me. I stared back.

"Don't fight him on this. You don't want to look like the one causing trouble. I know you don't want to let him go, Edward, but you have to." Alice's voice rang in my head. I knew she was right.

Standing slowly to not jostle Charlie, I grabbed his backpack. At some point his legs had gone around my waist. His head had snuggled into my chest with his small hands clasped around my neck. Taking the few steps to Jacob, I handed the backpack to him. Moving slightly, I tried to get Charlie to disentangle his hands, but he held on harder.

"Come on Charlie, we need to go home." Jacob tried to pull Charlie off. He held closer. It was then that I realized he'd been awake.

"No, I wanna stay with Edward." Charlie's hands tightened on my neck. He closed his eyes, burying himself in my jacket.

"Charlie, we have to go home. Now!" Jacob's calm was hanging on by a thread.

"No, Uncle Jake, I wanna stay with Edward." He was being deliberately defiant.

"Charles Edward Newton, I said now." Jacob's eyes were too, close to the wolf's. The anger in his voice made Charlie jump, sending tears running down his face. His small body was trembling. I closed my eyes to keep my temper in check. My ecstatic sister rewarded me for my cool, who began cheering me on in my head.

"Can I at least carry him to your car? I think he's had a long day. We all have." Jacob glared, growling at me, but he could not do much without making a scene himself.

"Fine." The sound snapped much like I'm sure his jaws would in wolf form.

"I'll let you out a back exit. It will be quicker." Carlisle showed us down the hall to the employee's elevator.

Charlie clung to me, crying softly, sniffling into my T-shirt. "It's going to be all right, Charlie." I said the words in my head, more of a prayer than a statement to my son.

"I like you, Edward, will you be my friend?" I stopped briefly in my tracks then kept walking.

"Charlie can you hear what I'm thinking?" The thought of him having my gift astounded me. I wonder if anyone else knew.

"Sometimes, Mommy says I'm not to, that it's rude. I'm not supposed to tell anyone. Daddy doesn't even know. Don't tell anyone okay. I don't want Mommy to be mad at me." His eyes looked into mine with all the trust in the world, trust I hoped to earn.

"Can I tell my dad? He's like us? I promise he won't tell anyone." Charlie nodded yes. Closing his eyes again he snuggled back into my arms.

Rain had begun falling outside. Neither Jacob, nor I had an umbrella. I held my coat over Charlie's face so it would not get wet. Jacob had gotten a space close to the entrance so we did not have far to go. It surprised me to see Jacob driving Bella's old truck, but with a new paint job. I opened the passenger's door, setting Charlie into the child's safety seat.

"Can I play with you again, Edward?" He hugged me tight before settling in his seat. He let me buckle him in. I heard the low growl in Jacob's throat.

"I'd love to, Buddy, but I'll have to talk to your mommy first." I ruffled his hair then closed the door.

"Don't make him promises, Cullen. I don't want to see him cry when you're not around." Jacob rested his forearms on the hood of the truck glaring at me.

"Well considering I don't see myself going anywhere, and that I have all the time in the world, I think I'll be making myself comfortable." I waved a good-bye to Charlie as Jacob got in. He gunned the truck's engine. It sounded new, and made me wonder why Bella got rid of it.

When they were gone, I ran for home.

"Hey slow down man." I nearly shoved Emmett to the ground when I burst through the door.

"Can't, sorry? Is Carlisle home? Never mind." I heard the crunch of the gravel. I met my father at the door of his car.

"Go change your clothes, and go to the meadow with me now." I didn't give him a chance to say anything yet. Withing moments he was back in old clothes then we were running.

When we were on the edge of the meadow, I doubled back tackling my father playfully around the middle, sending us both flying.

I was laughing as he flipped me off to land on my feet. I hadn't laughed in five years.

"He can hear me, Carlisle! Charlie can hear me, and I can hear him!" Grabbing my father I hugged him tighter than I ever had before.

"Do you mean what I think you do?" He looked at me in astonishment.

"Yes, Bella knows. Charlie says he's not allowed to because his Bella says it's rude. He's also not allowed to tell anyone. Mike didn't even know." I tackled him again. This time we were both laughing. We wrestled for a while. My heart felt lighter and better than it had in years.

After hunting we sat on a rock overlooking the valley.

"You know what this means don't you? There's a good probability that Charlie has other inherent abilities. We need to be careful about this Edward, if the Volturi finds out, they will either try to take Charlie, or kill him." Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder. His words were sobering. I knew that I needed to start making contingency plans in the possibility they ever learn the truth.

"Besides Bella and Charlie's safety, Edward, you also have someone else to think about now." I looked at Carlisle curiously.

"Bella's daughter."

I was deeply ashamed, then saddened simultaneously. In my excitement over Charlie and learning I had a son, the realization never fully sank in. Bella now had a newborn infant to care for. It saddened me to know that Bella had fallen in love enough with Mike to have wanted his child. If we hadn't, have come back to Forks six years ago would it have been Bella and Mike all along?

"Stop, Edward. If you play all the scenarios out in your mind, it will not change the present. You and Bella happened for a reason. If you cannot handle that she had a child with her husband then staying long enough to work something out about visitations with Charlie is best, and we'll leave."

"No!"

The word was out of my mouth before I realized it. If Bella ever let me back in her life then I would have a son and a daughter. It wasn't Bella's or her children's faults that I had left, never even tried to contact her. She had gone on with her life just as I had wanted.

"So what do you know about toddlers, and babies Carlisle?" Carlisle started laughing. It was contagious.

"I think we're all in for a bumpy ride."


	7. Ache

Stephenie Meyer owns all.

**Chapter Six: Ache**

Later that night I crept again into the hospital. After my talk with Carlisle I knew where my first stop would be.

As I stared into the nursery, The sight filled me with wonderment and complete awe. They were so tiny. A few were crying, either testing their lungs for the first time or making demands in the only way they knew how.

"Which one are you looking for honey?" An older nurse in teddy bear scrubs came from the open door. The babies had engrossed me that I had not seen nor heard her approach.

"Newton." The word tumbled from my lips before I could stop it. For the briefest of moments I wanted nothing more in the world that to see Bella's daughter.

"Ah, she's a little one. Come on in. Are you family or friend?" I followed her like I was stepping into Wonderland only with no Alice.

"Both." The statement wasn't a lie, just no longer the full truth. Bella had been out of my life for too long to still be a friend though she would always be family.

"Go, wash your hands well, then sit in that rocking chair and I'll bring her over." I was a little confused by the request but did as she told me. The chair seemed tight around my tall frame when I sat on the edge.

The nurse wheeled out a bubble plastic bassinet. The incredibly tiny child inside lay hooked up to an array of monitors and cords. They connected tubes for breathing and feeding to her nose and stretched a cord to a heart monitor keeping time with her precious heartbeat. One of her legs was no bigger than one of my fingers. I felt my chest constrict. Amazingly dark hair covered the head that could fit easily into my palm and become lost. The hair made me wonder what color her eyes would be and I felt the hope swirl that she would have Bella's dark chocolate eyes. In this moment I would have changed powers with Alice just so I could see what she would look like as a little girl, running and playing with her brother. I had no doubt in my mind. She would be a miniature Bella with long hair and scraped knees.

"Would you like to hold her?" My head went up like a shot, looking at the woman as if she had lost her mind.

"I'd hurt her. She's so tiny." Where the hope and urge came from to hold this precious, and so very tiny creature, I had no clue.

"Nonsense, babies are a lot tougher than they look. This one needs some attention besides the nurses. Other than her little brother no one has even been in to see her. She needs the contact with others, and if you're family that's what she needs."

"I have a circulation problem that makes my skin really cold. I wouldn't want to make her ill."

She didn't bother with my protest, and lifted the baby out. Before I could even begin to protest, I had a warm blanket strung over my chest and a baby so tiny that it didn't seem humanly possible in my hands.

"Hold her to your chest with your hand so you flex her legs. If you were the father I'd tell you to take that shirt of yours off so she could have the skin to skin contact. That's what she needs the most. Don't pat or rub her, the preemies prefer the security of a firm hold?"

Her thoughts told me that she was willing to do just about anything for the little girl with her father dead and her mother medically sedated.

Slowly I slid back in the rocking chair, holding Bella's tiny newborn daughter to my chest and began gently rocking back and forth. I could never fault Bella for falling in love, even with Mike. This tiny little being in my arms and my son were worth whatever pain and heartbreak that my leaving had caused for both of us.

Alicia Rose, squirmed in my light grip and slowly opened her eyes. Dark, like warm melted chocolate, eyes looked up at me. Just that quickly she wrapped me around her minuscule finger and I knew in a heartbeat I would die for her. She may not have been mine by birth but she was mine, all the same.

It saddened me that no one other than Jacob and Charlie had come to visit. Where were Renee and Phil? Why were they not here, when Bella needed her mother? Alicia scrunched her face and let out a cry that pulled at my heart. I didn't know how to hold her as she squirmed. It made me afraid of holding her too tight and hurting her.

The nurse was at my side within moments.

'I think someone's in need of changing. Would you like to?"

Quickly she took the baby from my arm and I followed her to the small changing table not believing what I was about to do. "Have you ever done this before?" I shook my head no.

"I'll need to warm my hands. They are cold." My voice sounded choked and unusual for me.

"You know you should have that checked. Circulation problems can lead to heart problems. Run your hands under the hottest water you can stand."

I didn't tell her that even boiling water would not burn my skin, but did as she suggested. Steam rose from the hot water. I didn't dare leave them for long with the nurse watching. Drying my hands, I was glad to find that they had warmed considerably. I hoped they would stay that way long enough.

"Stand in front of the baby and move the tubing out of the way. You're going to peel the velcro off the front diaper tabs." I did as she asked cringing as Alicia cried harder.

"Now making sure to spread her legs, you're going to pull the diaper down in front, lifting her legs gently, you're going to pull the diaper out from under her bottom." The sight was worse that I could imagine but was virtually smell free, for that I was grateful.

"You're going to wipe her bottom good with a wet wipe." She handed me the wipe and I finished the job as thoroughly and as quickly as possible.

"Now you need to add ointment so she doesn't chafe or get rash." She held out the small tube and I turned to look at her as if she was insane. Calmly she took my hand in her adding a strip of the ointment to my finger. "Make sure that you get into the folds of her legs and on her bottom."

I suppose that I was similar to most men, and felt completely uncomfortable doing this, especially for a girl. The job ended quickly and the nurse handed me a wipe for my fingers.

"See that wasn't so bad, was it?" Considering I had closed my eyes, no, it wasn't too bad.

"Now we need to put the diaper back on. Do everything reversed, and you'll be fine." Looking into her mind I followed what she was thinking and had Alicia back in her diaper in a blink.

"That wasn't too tough, was it?" She laughed at me and bundled Alicia up in the blanket.

"It was completely nerve wracking." I grinned at her and returned to the rocking chair where she placed Alicia back in my arms.

"Just wait until she needs a bath. Her feeding tube makes sure that she gets all the nutrition she needs but she should need changed every few hours. If an emergency arises, we'll be here in two seconds, otherwise, you're on your own sport. If you do need a warm blanket, just buzz, and we'll bring you another." Laughing she dimmed the lights further in the room and Alicia now warm and dry, snuggled into the warm blanket with her tiny head on my chest and promptly fell asleep.

Outside the normal hospital sounds the room was blissfully quiet. I let myself skim over the thoughts of the other babies and Alicia's just to see what would happen. It was blissfully quiet. With the limited cognitive brain functions of the newborns I could relax my brain and for once have peace. Closing my eyes I held Bella's precious daughter to me and for some insane reason began picturing us as a family.

It was way too early to think of that in any form. My mind did not want to cooperate and neither did my dead heart. It was going to be a long road but with nothing on earth but time I hoped it was going to be an enjoyable if not bumpy ride.

For hours I sat rocking in that chair or diapering when the time came. I did nothing more than hold a priceless life to my chest my heart, and overruled every obstacle my brain put in it's path. I would give Bella all the time she needed. I would wait and someday hope that we could be the family that my fantasies had started weaving in my mind.

It was near dawn when I heard familiar footsteps in the hall.

"Alice told me I'd find you here." Carlisle walked partway into the dark room with a clipboard in his hand. "She also told me you'd been here all night and that I had to see it for me." His voice was a whisper.

I had expected mirth but the true happiness that shone on his face told me that my father was proud of me.

"I need to talk to you." Gently I pushed the button for the nurse close to the rocking chair. I didn't want to let Alicia go, but it was time and would look strange if I stayed any longer. I had probably over stayed as it was.

The same nurse as before, obviously pulling a double shift, walked into the room. Her face was alight was happiness and I could tell it was because I was here for so long when many people only stayed for short periods. She honestly thought my being here, and all night was best for the baby. Joy filled my heart and I found myself bending to kiss Alicia's perfect head before handing her over.

Leaving the room with Carlisle, I found my arms almost painfully empty. I could feel the changes that had come over me in the matter of days. It wasn't unpleasant. The feeling of having something to fill the void of a lifetime and emptiness had left me almost lighthearted.

Even if Bella ordered me away, I would not go. Bella and the children were my life and I would never leave them again.

Carlisle's mood seemed lighter as I followed him to an empty office. It wasn't as pleasing as the one he used to have. He sat in a chair that groaned under his weight and squeaked horribly as it rolled across the floor.

"So what do you need to talk about?" He folded his hands in front of him and leaned into the scarred desk.

"How long can I reasonably stay before . . . ?" I began pacing the room trying to think of ways around my condition.

"Before you have to hide that you never age, is that your question?" He looked at me and I knew his answer was not one that I was going to like.

"Yes." I continued my pacing.

"A year, two at the most, we have already been gone for five years and I have had more nurses than I can count, tell me that I haven't changed a bit. Many ways have been found, concerning cosmetics and prosthetics that we can use to increase our age, and I would consider doing research in that area if you plan to stay longer."

I had not thought of the possibility that my family would move on without me. The blow was staggering. I didn't know how I could do everything that I wanted to do without them. I had stopped in my pacing and stared at Carlisle. He understood my sudden deflation.

"We will stay of course however long you need us, Edward, never doubt that. There are many other towns and cities close to here where we can move with anonymity. We would never desert you, my son."

"I know. The thought of being away from the family was unexpected. Honestly it was not something that I had considered when my plans played out in my head."

"What plans have you considered?"

"There are so many and I'm not sure exactly which paths I should take, so many I want to take. I think the best thing is to wait for Bella."

"I think that is wise. We are going to try to wake her today. The swelling in her brain is gone and we are taking her off the sedative this morning. Wait for a few days and then I think it will be the best opportunity for a conversation. I don't want Bella under any stress, not this close to the accident."

"I understand. Has anyone tried to notify Renee? Bella's mother should be here." Bella and Renee at one time had seemed so close and it disturbed me to think of a rift between them.

"I don't know. The only contact on her chart was Jacob and Billy Black so that's by what the hospital went. Well have to wait for Bella to fill all the blanks, but only if she wants. We can't expect her to be happy that we're back. Our leaving dramatically affected her life. She may not want anything to do with us, more importantly, you. Bella may very well fight tooth and nail to keep you from Charlie. You have to be prepared for this Edward. We have had no contact with Bella for five years, five years in which many events have changed her life."

Carlisle's words were truer than I wanted to believe. All night I had built fantasies in my mind about a family I may not be destined to have. The truth forced the shine out of my earlier mood. I would go home and wait and count the days until Carlisle told me that Bella was ready to handle a confrontation.

Leaving Carlisle I headed home. Alice met me at the front door.

"She's so beautiful Edward, and so tiny. What was it like holding her?" Alice herself began jumping up and down, as if a small child. Rosalie and Esme came into the room, obviously intent on hearing everything as well.

"If it's going to be a family affair, let's go into the living room that way I don't have to repeat anything."

"What was it like?" The three women of my family had congregated around me. All were anxious to learn of my experience, Rosalie most of all. Her rapid thoughts on the baby and her excitement puzzled me.

"She was tiny at just over three pounds. I was afraid I'd hurt her. Curled up she probably would have fit in my hand."

I was sure it was a funny sight for Jasper when they walked into the room and I was telling about my experience with changing a diaper. I saw Emmett hit Jasper in the ribs. They thought it was funny.

"I'll be right back."

In a flash I was gone. The high school had not been opened yet for the day and I could sneak in unaware. With a smooth tug, I pried open the closet that contained what I was after. After the failed class experiment our first year in Forks, the contents had not seen the light of day in years.

Jasper and Emmett were still in guffaws when I strode in the door, then placed two of their own precious bundles, both girls, in their hands.

"What's up man, you didn't get enough playing house last night?" Emmett threw the electronic baby in the air, causing it to turn on and begin wailing. The horror on Emmett face was catching and Jasper laughed so hard he dropped his on the floor and caused it to cry.

"I bet you each hunting service for a week that you can't go twenty four hours taking care of them. If you break them, I get two weeks service from both of you. Oh and they will need changed and fed every few hours. The diapers are on the table as are two bottles. Good luck guys."

"Alice!" Jasper yelled at his wife hoping for some clue to his fate. Alice shook her head and laughed.

"Rosalie, come on, babe, I'll buy you that Tesla roadster you want so much." Emmett held out the baby to his wife.

"Really Emmett, is that any way to treat your child. To pawn her off on someone because you don't want the responsibility." She scoffed at her husband and rolled her eyes.

Esme sat back and watched in mirth and gave me a wink.

For the next two hours I regaled my mother and sister with my experiences with Alicia, and how terrified I had been changing her diapers. They laughed and I felt a support and closeness grow with these three incredible women, that I had never felt.

It was surprising. We had spent so many years together yet they opened to me in a way they never had. Esme through a choked voice told us fully her feelings on family and how she still missed the child she didn't get to watch grow. Rosalie in a moment of complete candor said that not having a family and children would haunt her forever, and that was the real reason she had never wanted Bella to have our life. Alice in true form just wanted to be the loved eccentric aunt, and she couldn't wait to play house, dolls and dress up.

Soon Rosalie and Alice left to their rooms, their minds full of babies and possibilities. Esme beamed a brilliant smile at me and hauling me to my feel hugged me until it hurt.

"I am so proud of you. Fate, gifted with something that is more precious than anything in Heaven or Earth. Not only do you have a flesh and blood son, but you will have a daughter that while not of your blood will be yours, all the same. Now you will fully understand the feelings that Carlisle and I have for you're all. You may not have been born of me, but you will always be my son. Thank you for making me a grandmother." She kissed me on the cheek and floated away on a natural high.

I stood in the living room of our home and listened to the family around me. Not once had they reprimanded me for my past years of childish behavior. I had caused them such grief and pain. They swept it under the rug, then stood supporting me with more love than I had the right to ask for. I was determined to be the man for them they felt I was, and not the spoiled ass I had been for too long.

*****

Bella's POV

Everywhere on my body hurt. My head felt like it was splitting in two. My lips and throat were dry.

The accident and the explosion came back in reality and I screamed and began crying.

He had pushed me out of the car. His last moments on Earth were shouting his love and pushing me out of the car, protecting me and our unborn child.

The baby! God, where was my baby! With the hand that was free of cords I touched my stomach and found it flat.

A flurry of footfalls sounded outside my room. Gauze was in my face, preventing me from seeing clearly and I tried to pull it off.

"Shh, it's okay sweetheart. You have some stitches on your head that require the bandage, but give me just a second and I'll have them out of your eyes."

Gentle hands lifted the gauze but before I could see who was near a bright flash of light blocked everything out. Before my eyes could adjust, the gauze was back in place.

"Where's my baby?" My throat was hoarse, scratchy and it hurt to talk.

"She's in the NICU unit and doing well. You're lucky."

I heard scratches a pen to paper, and I tried to sit up.

"Now, we don't want to do that Isabella. You've had it rough, but the good news is now you're responsive. Why don't you try to get some rest and we'll see about getting that gauze out of your face later?"

The soft hand again pushed me down and I almost fought back. I needed to stay awake. I had to see Charlie. He was so scared and worried. He worried so much just like his father. Slowly I felt the weight pull on me and again I was asleep.

Noise awoke me later that afternoon. The soft rustling was too, close to my ear not to have disturbed me. A deafening silence remained. The soft sound of cloth, a ticking clock, and moving wheels sounded so loud. No sound was coming from an outside source so I figured the door was closed.

I looked forward and found the bandages removed and my sight clear. The lights were out and the blinds were mostly closed. While not dark, everything was in different colors of shadow.

I could feel the presence of the person sitting next to me. Turning my head slightly I could make out a figure but the dim light from the windows was in back of him, making his face dark.

"How are you feeling?" The voice was soft and oddly recognizable.

"Who are you?" My throat burned and I barely got the words to pass my lips.

"For right now your doctor." I heard the sound of tearing paper and then the sound of pouring water.

The straw came to my parched lips and I drank deep and too much. I started coughing and I felt strong arms lift me up. The hand that touched me was cold and I shivered. After the fit subsided I was gently lain back against the pillows. Just drinking some water depleted my strength.

"My son, I need to find out about my son. I need to see that he's okay." Panic and terror ate at my gut that Charlie didn't know what was going on. He was no doubt asking for Mike, and wanting his grandparents.

I could hear the machine measuring my heart beat speed up and I became frantic with worry.

"I'm not sure but I'll find out for you. I do have a few questions for you, are you able to answer them." I could hear the slight snap of his clipboard.

I nodded my head despite the bass drum throbbing.

"Where are you hurting, and on a scale of one to ten how bad is the pain?"

"My head hurts the worst. It's a nine. My leg hurts where it's broken. That's a five. My stomach is cramping. I would give that a six. My ribs hurt and it's hard to breathe, those I would give a seven to an eight. Other than those things I just feel banged up and miserable." When I finished the run down I was gasping for breath. I let myself sink backward into the pillows.

"That's all I need for now Isabella. Is there anything I can get you, or could get a nurse to do for you?" A gentle hand pushed the hair out of my eyes.

"My husband, but that's not possible, is it?" Pain sliced through my heart and the tears began running down my face.

"I'm sorry Isabella, so sorry for your loss." The words were gentle and again I felt a flicker or recognition.

"Tell me your name please." I figured that request was simple enough.

"Dr. Cooper. Press the button on the bed if you need anything. Go back to sleep now sweetheart."The soft shuffle of fabric followed the click of the door.

I missed Mike. He always held me through the nightmares. This time my nightmares were reality and he was never going to hold me again. Sobs welled up in my chest and even with the pain I couldn't stop. He'd left me and I'd never had the chance to tell him that I loved him. I would never get to look in his bright blue eyes and would never see Mike hold Alicia, the daughter he had so wanted, or to play with the son he adored.

"Mike. I'm so sorry. I miss you so much already. How am I going to do this without you? How am I going to tell Charlie that you're gone? I need you here to hold me and get me through this."

We had built a life together out of special circumstances and his love had seen me through the roughest time of my life. Now he was gone when I needed him the most.

I cried myself to sleep unaware that someone else was in the room. His heart was being torn apart just as much as I was.

**A/N: New Chapter up soon! Hope you enjoyed this chapter.**


	8. Amazed

SM owns Twilight

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**Chapter Eight: Amazed**

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**Edward POV**

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I waited until Bella was in a deep sleep and left the room. I flew to Carlisle's office. I wanted to rip out my heart so I didn't have to feel this pain. When Carlisle came into the room I had curled myself up in a corner. The pain of learning Bella loved someone else too much to bear.

"What happened?" Carlisle hunched over me then pulled me to my feet. His eyes and voice were full of concern.

"I was in the room when the other doctor was there. I wanted to see if she was okay when she awoke." His head shook sideways at me.

"What did you hear?" Carlisle started putting folders and papers into his briefcase then threw his coat over one arm.

"She loved him, Carlisle. Bella loved Mike Newton. She cried for him and wanted him there with her." I pounded my fist into the old concrete and watched as my fist made a small mountain of dust on the floor.

"Did you expect anything less from Bella, Edward? She went on with her life, Edward, just like you wanted for her. You have to prepare for the reality that Bella may not want any of us in her life, or the life of her children. The Bella we once knew has grown and changed, by you sneaking into her room you are taking steps back instead of forward. You have to give this time, you can't expect her to wake up and run into your arms."

I wanted to heed his advice, but it was so hard to stay away from her. There were so many things that I had to make up for and so many things that I wanted to tell her.

"Let's go home, son."

"I'm going to stay. They told me Alicia needs the companionship." If I couldn't hold Bella in my arms, at least I could hold her daughter.

"You shouldn't do this Edward. You're just going to make this harder on yourself." Carlisle walked to the door and I followed.

"I know, but she needs me. The nurse last night said there has been no one else to visit and that Alicia needs the contact. I'll be fine. Thanks Carlisle, for everything. I'm trying to go about this in the right way, but it's harder than I expected." I put my hand, briefly, on his shoulder and walked away. Carlisle's thoughts wandered to what would happen if this all ended badly and I couldn't blame him, my own thoughts went the same way.

The same nurse was in the ward as last night and I knocked gently on the glass to get her attention. Her smile beamed and she motioned for me to come in.

"How are you tonight honey? Go scrub up and sit down".

I scrubbed my hands in hot water and sat in the rocking chair as last night.

"She's been a might fussy all afternoon. Good news is she is already starting to gain weight, she's a full ounce bigger today than she was yesterday which is excellent. I'm Stella by the way, didn't get to introduce myself last night."

Alicia laying alone in the bassinet was crying so hard I thought her tiny lungs would explode from the impact. Legs and arms were flailing about. She was definitely not happy and didn't mind the world knowing. It was enchanting to watch, though my sensitive ears were ringing.

A warm blanket now lay on my torso and within seconds I was holding a warm bundle of life. It was amazing. She scrunched up her tiny features, about to let out another wail, then stopped. Her small eyes opened. They were so warm and dark, when they looked up at me. I couldn't help the grin that formed on my face.

"We're used to that with the mommies but it's so wonderful to see with a daddy." Stella placed the bassinet out of the way and turned, watching with her own amazement.

"I'm not her father." Words full of regret and sorrow were the only ones that I could pass from my lips. It should have been this way with Charlie. I should have been doing this to him, moments after he was born.

'Right now, honey, you're the closest thing she's got."

Stella dimmed the lights and left the room leaving me to ponder her words. I tried not to ponder too deep, but was unsuccessful. I honestly didn't know what I would do if Bella refused to allow me to be a part of Charlie's life, and that of his sister. How far was I willing to go in a fight for them? There was only one answer to that question. As far as I could without the children coming to harm.

The reality of the situation was clear, at least for now. I could give up having Bella in my life, if that was what she wanted. I would not give up my son. I tried not to let the anger of being kept apart from him these past years feed into me. It was hard.

Carlisle was right. I knew that. Tonight once I left the hospital I would leave Forks for a few days, giving Bella time to recover and come to terms with the events in her life. If I stayed, Alicia would pull me to being here every night doing exactly this. I would hold this sweet, precious child to my heart and become more painfully entangled than I already was.

I only stayed for a few hours. The attachment I was beginning to feel for Bella's daughter was overwhelming. I needed to get out of here before like her mother, she had my heart in the palm of her hand, if she didn't already. After pushing the button, Stella came in almost immediately. I kissed the top of Alicia's tiny head before handing her over.

"Good night." I whispered the word to Stella and was out the door before she could reply.

****

Broken pieces of mechanical baby hit my head and chest and I opened the front door. One poor defenseless head smacked into my chest, before falling to the floor in mid cries.

Alice came twirling into the room. Her feet hit the wood lightly between the debris. "My poor Jasper was the first to lose the bet just over an hour ago. Emmett's still hanging in."

"Jasper was trying to follow Esme's instruction's in changing a diaper. It was when he came to the legs that it became a problem. He grabbed them too hard and they just popped off. He tried to put them back on but the more he tried the more the poor doll fell apart."

A "Shut up, Alice," came from the upstairs. I could hear my brother's thoughts. It actually depressed him that he had broken the doll, more so than losing the bet. I felt sorry for him, especially after the joy of holding Alicia in my arms again.

"You're not helping you know. Some of us just weren't cut out for the parenting thing." If his mind was anything to go by, Jasper was leaning up against the window in his and Alice's room, cursing the strength in his hands.

"How do you do it, how do you hold something so small and fragile without hurting it?" Jasper was amazed at my feelings and the control I had when holding Alicia.

I was not given time to answer his question. Emmett came strolling into the room looking rather smug. He had the doll carefully positioned against his chest holding it with the utmost of care.

"You forget fangboy. I grew up with a bunch of little brothers and sisters around. This is just like riding a bike." I had to hand it to Emmett the paternal role came natural to him.

The rest of the night and the next day, I spent in the comfort of my family. Shortly before dawn I left the house to hunt.

*****

**Carlisle POV**

Alice joined me in my study when Edward left the house. I knew she had a vision. She had given me the signal earlier when no one was looking.

"What was it Alice?" I shut the door softly, speaking in a whisper.

"Bella, she's changed, Carlisle. She is not the Bella we knew. She is not going to like that we have come back. Bella, hates us, Carlisle. I've seen it. If we don't do this right, we'll lose all of them. It could take a long longer than Edward is going to have the patience for."

"What kind of time table are we looking at Alice?"

I knew it was a possibility in Bella not wanting to see us. The truth hurt more than I had thought it would.

"A year, maybe more. There's something else, Carlisle. Bella is going to start seeing someone. Edward is not going to be happy. It was bad enough with Mike. This will be worse. He's a doctor."

The image of Dr. Cooper came to my mind. I could not stop the growl that formed. It was menacing enough that Alice became afraid.

A soft tap came on the door.

"It's Jasper. I'm going to let him in." Alice went to the door opening through which it just enough for Jasper to squeeze.

"What's going on? You guys are sending so many emotions I feel like I'm on a roller coaster." Gently he put his hands on Alice's shoulders.

"Carlisle?" Alice put her hands on my face, but it didn't help. My chest was still growling.

"I just told him that I've seen Bella with someone else, a doctor." Alice put her hand on my arm. I tried hard not to shrug it off.

"You know him." Jasper flooded my body with calm. I felt the growling stop.

"Dr. Cooper, he's a womanizer. He constantly chats up the nurses with half the other woman patients."

How was it that Bella could even consider the type of guy Dr. Cooper is? I was the pacifist in the family, yet I came close to twisting his neck off, daily. If I saw him grab another nurse, voluntarily or not, he was going to lose his hand.

"If it helps, Carlisle, he genuinely likes Bella and he adores kids. I've seen them together. Bella's happy. If she's happy then Edward stands a better chance at being a part of Charlie's life."

"That's the most important fact, isn't it, to have Bella happy, whether with Edward or not." Jasper's view made sense.

I had waited and longed to have the family whole again. Bella had changed us all so much, the family didn't feel whole without her. It bothered me. None of this was her fault, although I still wanted to shake some sense into her as a father.

"Can we change any of this?" I didn't want to deal with Edward again when he found out.

"It's a set course so far, unfortunately. Since we have been back, I can see Bella clearer. I see Edward, but he's on the outside. He's hurting, but he's not giving up." Alice stepped away from Jasper and hugged me.

We had been through so much, had grown so much closer in the past five years. Telling lies, and keeping secrets, can do that to people.

"Let's give this time then. Events might yet happen to change everything. Should we tell Edward, or let it play the course?" I set Alice back on her feet beside Jasper.

Alice got a blank stare on her face. I knew she was searching her visions for the answer.

"He'll find out on his own. It makes him fight for them. He will demand to be a part of Charlie's life. He won't give up. He's willing to wait, Carlisle. He'll wait for her forever, just to make up for him leaving. He owes her that much. That's not from a vision by the way, just knowing Edward."

"So, we wait then." Jasper headed to the door. He picked up on the rest of the family's curiosity about why the three of us were meeting.

"We wait." If it was best for all, then we would give Bella all the time in the world. Time we had in abundance.


	9. Love

SM owns Twilight

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**Chapter Eight: Love**

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**Bella POV**

Having it to wait around for a doctor was painful. The urge to go home was unbearable. Surrounding myself with my home, children and my memories of Mike was all of which I was thinking. Annoying the nurses one too often had them sending me looks of pity. The revolving door of a certain doctor to my room didn't help matters either. It seemed as if Dr. Cooper was checking on me in every spare moment that he had?

My only thoughts were how I was going to go on without Mike. He had become my rock, my light at the end of the tunnel. Stupid cliches, I told myself. Mike was so much more than that to me. There was no saying for all the things Mike meant and would always mean to me.

It was Mike that found me the day after my birthday. I had driven to the Cullen house to see Edward and to figure out a way that we could still be together, even preparing me to beg if necessary. The bruises to my body had meant nothing next to the feeling of being in his arms. Recalling that day was so easy, as if it was yesterday.

****

**Five Years Earlier - September**

The tears would not stop flowing, and it hurt too much to cry. Even the small shallow breaths I took to calm down, hurt. Nothing, not my wrists, ribs, legs or my stomach hurt as much as my heart. Staring at the empty house I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces.

I was not enough for him to stay, our love, my love, wasn't enough for him to stay. Bitterness and anger along with hurt and sorrow, became a huge knife in my gut. It brought me to my knees in front of their steps, then clawed at my insides like a beast. I had given him everything that I was, every ounce of my body and soul, and still it wasn't enough. Not only had he left, but he had taken his family with him. Edward did not allow me the comfort of having them near.

Crawling, I barely managed to get to the truck. My legs refused to support me. It took hauling me up by the truck's handle to make it inside. Turning on the ignition, I backed out of the drive, desperate for even these last moments of them in my life.

A mile down the road, I pulled the truck over. My hands were shaking so bad and beads of sweat were on my brow. I knew I was going to be sick. Barely, I made it to the front of the car where on my hands and knees, I lost the contents of my stomach. I heard the sound of another vehicle and its car door opening, then slamming shut, just as another round of heaves shook my body.

"Bella, God, are you okay?" Gentle hands helped me to my feet. "What the hell happened to you?"

My eyes were closed but his voice spoke of horrors that I didn't want to see in the mirror. With my chest heaving and my body in pain, I collapsed in Mike Newton's arms sobbing and feeling destroyed.

"Bella, I'm going to put you in my car, then take you to the hospital." I knew he could see the bruises on my wrist and the stitches on my arm from last night.

"No! Please, just take me home." I knew I couldn't go to the hospital like this. They would ask too many questions.

After shutting off my truck and locking the door, Mike walked me to the passenger side of his car. It was higher off the ground than my truck and as he lifted me to help me in, my ribs pulled painfully and I cried out. Setting me in the seat, Mike batted my hands away as he lifted the hem of my T-shirt. Within inches he could see the dark black, and purple bruises of my ribs.

"Jesus, Bella, who did this to you? Was it Cullen, cause I swear I'll kill him?" Mike's eyes flashed dangerously and I could feel his anger rolling off him."We have to get you to the hospital and to your dad."

Mike had buckled me in my seat and was crossing to his side before I could say a word through my tears.

"Please, Mike, just take me home. I'll be fine. I just need to rest." I laid my head against the back of his seat. Looking over at his profile as he drove, I watched muscles in his jaw tense in anger.

"Tell me what happened, Bella. I won't tell anyone. You can trust me. Did Cullen rape you?" The last words were barely whispers, and I could see his hands tighten on the steering wheel.

"I don't want to talk about it, he's gone, they're all gone." Turning my head away I stared out the window and let the tears fall. Mike grabbed my hand, holding it all the way back to Forks and Charlie's house.

After that, Mike became my shadow, much to Charlie's delight. At first he didn't push anything past a concerned friendship level and for that, I was grateful. Without him, I never would have gone back to school and tried to start a normal life. Mike's consistency caused a stir at Forks High and rumors of our relationship became rampant, neither of us ever told anyone, nor even denied the rumors. It wouldn't have made a difference anyway.

Soon Mike and I began doing stuff outside Charlie's, the store and school. The first time he'd ask me to the movies I had hesitated, then finally agreed. Toward Thanksgiving, Mike and I began officially dating. It was nice and I found myself enjoying the time we spent together. Mike had become my best friend and without his presence my days felt lonely and empty. I wasn't ready to love again, but the companionship was pleasant. We had fun and for the first time I felt myself be a teenager. Sometimes I would talk to him about Edward and the Cullens, though never giving away their secret. Mike never pushed for an answer to the question about whether Edward had raped me, and I never volunteered. Slowly I was trying to leave the Cullens and Edward in the past. A normal life is what Edward wanted for me anyway, well Mike was as normal as a person could get.

Three months after Edward left I was beginning to find some happiness again. Mike and I were dating, and life was turning around. The first time Mike kissed me was at the movies. It seemed right and comforting. I thought at first that it would bring back memories of Edward and my birthday, but it didn't. Mike's gentleness and passion were comforting and it helped to ease me when my mind dwelled on old memories that wouldn't stay locked away. After that first kiss, we were always touching, either holding hands, or had our arms around each other. It was pleasing to be touched and held without having to worry about a bruise the next day. That was until one evening in December, exactly three months after Edward had left. Mike and I were working late at Newton's to get stuff stocked for the weekend. Christmas shopping was going well and we were constantly busy. For the past few days I hadn't felt well. Charlie and Mike suspected the flu, I agreed. Lately I had been so tired and my appetite was haywire. More than a few times I'd had to run off to the bathroom to lose whatever food I had managed to get down to my stomach.

"Bella, sweetheart, are you okay." Mrs. Newton's voice at the door, brought me up from my position in front of the toilet.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be right out." I flushed, then washed my hands and swigged some mouthwash that I began keeping in the medicine cabinet.

"Are you still sick, honey? If you're not feeling well, you can go ahead home. Mike and I can take care of things here." The palm of her hand felt my forehead looking for a fever. In many ways, she had become my surrogate mother, and I loved her for it. Both of Mike's parents had taken well to the relationship and I was starting to spend just as much time with them as I was with Mike, though working in their store, did help with that.

"I'm okay now. I just can't shake this bug." I smiled at her, then went to the front to join Mike. I began helping him tag and hang new skis when suddenly I began to feel incredibly light headed. I don't remember blacking out, but I did. I woke up to find myself in the hospital with Mike and Charlie beside me.

"Hey, we're really worried about you." Mike picked up my left hand and kissed the back of it. His blue eyes were full of concern. Every day, I found myself staring into them more, and wondering if I could, ever possibly feel for him, the way I felt for Edward.

"What did the doctor say?" I sat up wincing at the ache in my head. My stomach rolled, but I could get it down.

"You fainted at the store, but they won't tell us anything else, something about you no longer being a minor. I'll go find the doctor." Charlie left us and Mike pulled my hand close for another kiss.

"How are you feeling?" Mike brushed the hair out of my eyes before tucking it behind my ear. The look I saw in his eyes made my stomach flip even more.

"Okay, my head really hurts." I massaged my forehead for emphasis. Tuning on my side, I stared into his dark blue eyes, then rubbed my nose against his. These little displays of affection from me had become so much easier. I now looked forward to the feeling of his skin on mine. Mike laughed and Eskimo kissed me back before kissing my lips.

I hated the times like this when Mike's warm soft kiss would remind me of Edward's hard, cold ones. The pain still hurt in my heart and like now, I wondered if it would ever go away. Days like this, I cursed Edward and the day he walked into the cafeteria. I could have had this with Mike all along if it wouldn't have been for Edward. Without Edward and the Cullen family I never would have known extreme pain and fear, let alone the constant wonder of which day it was, that I was going to die.

The doctor interrupted my thoughts and Mike's warm kiss.

"Bella Swan, I'm doctor Phillips. If you wouldn't mind, son, I have some things I'd like to discuss with Miss Swan in private." Dr. Phillips motioned for the door and Mike hesitated then obeyed.

"I'll come back when he's gone." With a wave, Mike was gone and Dr. Phillips was sitting on the stool beside Bella.

"They brought you in because you fainted, correct." The doctor flipped through the chart, his eyes on it and not Bella.

"That's what they told me, what's wrong with me, it's just the flu, right?" Concern for a million different things ran through my mind, all probably the worse case scenario.

"Miss Swan, the reason you fainted is that you're pregnant. We have a few more tests to run, and then we'll get you home."

Wait a minute, my mind screamed at me. Physically I shook my head at the doctor then said the dumbest thing a person could say. "What, how?" Mentally I slapped myself. This could not be happening, and just how in the hell, was it happening?

"I'm sure you know the how, Miss Swan." The doctor, chuckled then patted my knee. "I'll be right back with the sonogram machine and you'll see your baby for yourself."

Oh, god! The tears did not stop flowing from my eyes and the sobs shook me so hard that I couldn't breathe. Pain. Immense physical pain attacked my heart then my whole body. This couldn't be happening. Just when I was starting a normal life, would I never be rid of the pain Edward Cullen had caused and was causing now?

When I was thinking of how much, I needed Mike, he walked through the door. Seeing me crying, he rushed to my side and pulled me into his arms.

"Shh, Bella, whatever it is, we'll get through it together. Nothing can be that bad." Repeatedly he kissed my head as he cradled me against his chest.

"You're not going to want me anymore, either, then you'll leave just like he did. He didn't rape me, Mike. I need you to know that. Edward didn't rape me, was too rough, yes, but it was consensual. I'm sorry. I understand if you don't want me anymore." The words formed in my heart and head then tumbled from my lips without stopping.

Suddenly I was face to face with Mike, his eyes had become steely grey, the way they did when he was angry. "You listen to me, and you listen good. I am not Edward, Bella. You, are stuck with me whether you like it or not, forever. Haven't you figured out by now that I love you, that I'm head over heels in love with you, and have been since the moment I saw you? Edward, can go roast in hell for all I care, and he deserves to, any man who treated you the way he did, deserves that and more.' Kissing me, he pulled me back into his chest as I cried.

'So, you're going to have a baby, it's not the end of the world, and I told you, we'll get through this together."

He held me and rocked me until they came in with the sonogram machine, then moved out of the way while they hooked it up. Mike made to leave, but I grabbed his hand and brought him back to my side. I needed him, and in that moment I began feeling things for him I hadn't expected.

"I'm just going to get you situated, dear, and then we'll get a look at your baby." The nurse made sure that my legs were covered then lifted the hospital gown up and over my belly. For the first time, I noticed the slight roundness. It didn't seem possible that I could be having a baby.

"This might be a little cold." A cold, clear, and slimy jelly went on my stomach and then the nurse began moving it around. Suddenly we could hear a whooshing thump in the small room and a picture came on the screen. "There he is. Yes, from calculations you are right at twelve weeks, which would give an estimated due date for the middle to end of July. We'll know more of an exact date, as he gets bigger and older. The heartbeat is a little slow, but steady. If you don't have an OBGYN we'll get you an appointment, along with all the papers and a prescription for prenatal vitamins. You will start those immediately. Here are some pictures of the baby, and congratulations." Pushing a few buttons, paper began feeding out from the machine.

The nurse recovered me, handed the pictures to Mike, unhooked the machine, and was out the door before I could wrap my head around anything she'd said. Tears fell again from my eyes and I clung to Mike's arm as Charlie walked in the door.

"Well, what's going on, and how much longer do we have to be here?" Charlie leaned against the door. He was looking really impatient to leave.

I looked up at Mike. He was smiling down on me and I could see the love in his eyes, love that he had for me. Now that he'd let me know, he wasn't hiding it now and his love was lighting up the room like the sun.

"We're sorry to tell you like this, Chief Swan, but better now than later. Bella and I just found out that we're going to be parents, Bella's pregnant."

Charlie leaned against the doorframe and looked at us, shock, and disappointment was evident on his face. I knew how much he had wanted me to not make the same mistakes as he and my mother had. I was sorry for hurting him like this. I also knew my father and that he would have questions for me in private.

Charlie went to speak, but a nurse interrupted by coming back in and giving me my discharge papers, along with the things she'd mentioned before.

"Well are you going to tell your parents, now or wait?" Charlie ushered Mike out of the room so I could get dressed. I was grateful to have just the few moments alone. As I pulled up my jeans, my hand came to rest on my rounded stomach. Tears began falling from my eyes again. Inside me there was a little life, I didn't know whether it would be human or vampire, or whether it would kill me. Something told me I should automatically love the life inside of me. All I could think about, was its father, and how much he had hurt me. For the moment I was resentful that this child was a part of Edward. I made a silent vow that Edward would never know of his child and that in some way it would hurt him as much as he'd hurt me.

**Christmas - that same year**

The Newton's dinner table was overflowing with food and the people around it stuffed to the gills. Rebecca Newton was laughing with something Charlie said while Mike Sr just looked content. They had invited Charlie and I over for the holidays, having already welcomed us into their family. Unlike Charlie, both elder Newtons were ecstatic about the news of a grandchild. Neither had many relatives on either side, and with Mike being their only child, saying they were overjoyed was safe.

Mike looked across the table at me. His face was beaming, his eyes danced with love and laughter. I couldn't help myself. I smiled back. I didn't know any more how to get through one day without him. No one knew at school yet about the baby and we decided not to tell until we had to. We both wanted to finish out our last year as normal as possible.

A few minutes later, Rebecca and I cleared the table. As we loaded the dishwasher, the guys retired to the living room. From the kitchen I could hear the doorbell signaling the arrival of the friends we invited over for a gift exchange. Some friends were my fathers and the Newtons. The rest were friends of ours from school. Since spending so much time with Mike over the past few months, I hadn't spent as much time with Angela. I was glad to see her and Ben. Mike Sr had turned on the Christmas music and they were passing a nonalcoholic eggnog to everyone.

Angela and I were chitchatting about school when we deliberately witnessed Jessica Staley trying to catch Mike under the mistletoe. We laughed every time that he ducked neatly out of the way.

"So how are things with you and Mike?" Angela took a sip of eggnog and looked at me.

"Wonderful, actually. Most of the time it's hard just to get through a class without him." I looked at her over my glass. So often I wanted to tell her about everything and just never found the courage.

"Surprising, considering Ben says that Mike says the same thing about you. Could this possibly be love?" She teased me and I let her. Smiling I looked around the room and watched now as Jessica again tried to corner him.

"I'll have to let you know on that one. Right now I think I'd better go rescue him before his duck and weave leads to locked lips." I shrugged my arm into hers while letting her ponder my statement. I wasn't ready yet to say if I loved Mike or not. The truth was I didn't know yet, but frequently it looked like a future possibility.

"Bella, save me please." Mike whispered furiously in my ear as he came up around me. His hands rested on my belly and the child inside. He had taken to doing this a lot lately, it usually accompanied the never-ending question of if I could feel the baby move yet.

"Just why should I save you?" I rested my head on his shoulder loving the way his body wrapped around mine.

"Would you really want me kissing that, and then coming back over here to kiss you?" His voice was husky in my ear as he nibbled my earlobe.

"Um, that would be a definite, no." I ran my hands along his then captured his lips with my own.

"Good, now I want you to stand right here, and I'll be right back." Mike positioned me under the mistletoe and went into the kitchen.

More than one of our friends came up for a kiss and I found myself dodging out of their way, while trying to stay where Mike had put me.

"Everyone, can I have your attention please." Someone turned the Christmas music down low and Mike came out of the kitchen banging two lids together. He'd obviously thought they would be enough noise makers to get everyone's attention. As he banged, he walked toward me and I felt butterflies fluttering madly in my stomach. I watched as Charlie, Rebecca, and Mike Sr gathered and near us.

"Isabella Marie Swan, you're my best friend, and I have been in love with you since I first saw you enter Forks High. These last months with you have been the greatest of my life. I know that we're young, but I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you more than anything in the world and I want everyone to know." Mike stopped in front of me and I felt my left hand go to my chest involuntarily. My face flushed and tears began running out of my eyes. Mike bent down to one knee and pulled a black box out of his pocket."Bella, please, please, please, marry me. I want to spend the rest of my life, every day of our lives, loving you." Tears were glistening in his eyes and I felt two things happen in my heart. One part melted and the other froze into a block of ice.

"I love you too, and yes, I'll marry you." The words were choked as they came out of my mouth as I furiously swiped at my eyes.

Mike wasted no time getting off his knees and pulling me into a passionate kiss before swinging me around under the mistletoe. I put my shaking hands on his face and kissed him with all my might. Sitting me down on the floor, he pulled out the black box. The diamond solitaire inside was small and perfect.

"Someday my love, I will buy you one the size of the moon." He whispered the words as he slid the ring on my finger.

"Don't you dare?" I laughed and looked at my hand. The ring felt right on my hand, like it belonged there. For the first time in my life, I truly felt like I belonged to someone. Looking into his still wet eyes I knew the words of love I had said, while not true now, would be someday.

**February - The Next Year **

"Bella! Bella, open the door."

I heard the voice and for an instant thought it was in my dreams. The pounding on the front door with a force that almost shook the house, made it a reality. Grabbing my robe from the back of the desk chair I threw it on over my pajamas and expanding waistline and trudged down the stairs. I took each step carefully and held onto the railing, a fall right now would not only hurt me, but the baby.

Now officially at six months pregnant I was finally showing. A few weeks ago we began telling friends at school, and that the baby wasn't due until after graduation, which was correct. We just didn't tell them how soon after graduation it would be. So far, we heard only a few snotty remarks, mostly coming from Lauren and her friends. Mike had put a stop to the really mean ones. Some of them came too, close to the truth, especially when Lauren blatantly asked loudly in a full cafeteria, if I knew whether the baby was Mike's or Edward's. It was Angela, which came to my defense, punching Lauren's in the face and breaking her cosmetically enhanced nose. Mike then began telling people that he and I had been seeing each other behind Edward's back and that's why the Cullens left. For most, other than Lauren, it put and end to the rumors, especially when Mike began getting teased about being the doting father. Fortunately for Mike, it was a title that he was relishing.

The pounding continued at the door and I barely got it unlocked before a new barrage hit.

"Bella, thank God. I thought I was going to have to break the door in." Mike ushered me into the livingroom and onto the couch.

"What's going on? Good thing dad's not here or you'd have been shot." I wearily rubbed my eyes and looked at him. His face had the look of concern that I knew so well. Something was wrong, something that he didn't want to tell me. "What's going on, Mike?"

"Sweetheart, I need you to listen to me, and think of the baby. About an hour ago there was a shooting. I'm so sorry, baby, Charlie's dead."

No! No! It wasn't possible, not Charlie. God, please not Charlie. I felt my blood began to race as it drained out of my face. Blackness swallowed me whole like a great beast.

When I awoke the next time, it was daylight. Barely opening my eyes, I peered at my surroundings. I was in hospital room. Sun was streaming through the slats in the blinds. Mike was beside me, his head laying on the bed, one of his hands wrapped around mine and the other was on my stomach. Sound was the next sense to register and I heard the steady thump of the baby's heartbeat. My memory came back in a crashing wave and the sound that came from my chest was a high keening that didn't sound human.

How could Charlie, my father, the one who always took extra precautions, be dead? Someone had to be mistaken. My chest heaved and Mike awoke with a start. Immediately I was in his comforting arms and breaking into a million pieces. Nothing in life had ever hurt this bad.

"I know it hurts, baby, it's okay to let it out." Mike slowly began stroking my hair as I cried. I was still crying hard when the fetal monitor began screeching. Nurses began running in the door along with a doctor. They shoved Mike off the bed. Still crying I tried to cling to him.

"Miss Swan, we need you to calm down. The baby's heartbeat has become very erratic and his blood pressure is starting to plummet. We're going to give you a mild sedative to help you. It might affect the baby, a little, but right now it's necessary."

Even as I cried, they stuck a needle full of who knew what drug into my arm. Within moments I felt my mind beginning to go fuzzy. Mike was instantly by my side when they left and I fell into his arms, numb.

I stayed numb for two weeks afterward, even as they lay Charlie in the ground and presented me with his badge and the American flag, I remained numb. Mike, and his parents, fearing for mine and the baby's health, moved me in with them.

During this time my mother made her first appearance in Forks since I'd moved here. She began insisting that I move to Jacksonville with her, and even began talking to me in private about putting the baby up for adoption. She then began insisting that to keep the baby was foolish when I was too young to give it much of a life. It didn't matter to her that Mike and I were getting married, or the fact that his mother was a better mother to me than my own. In the end when she tried to clear out Charlie's house without my permission, I told her to leave and never come back. Since she was so insistent that I put my baby up for adoption, then she could put herself up in his place. She left in a huff and I knew I would never speak to her again.

**June**

My burgeoning belly barely fit into my graduation gown. I sighed at the mirror in frustration. Rebecca popped her head into my bedroom door laughing.

"I looked, much the same, with Mike. This little guy is going to be a handful, that's for sure." She placed her hand on my round belly and immediately he began to kick and roll. For his grandmother and father, Charlie, as we were calling him, would dance up a storm.

Charlie made a huge roll, and I groaned as his foot became lodged underneath a rib. I honestly believed if he got any bigger, he was going to split me in two.

"Why do these things have to look like mu mus anyway?" I sighed and pulled the clinging material away from me. Mike came from out adjoining bathroom and put his arms around my waist. He and his mother both laughed and I cringed as Charlie began rolling again.

"How are you feeling?" Mike nuzzled my neck and my eyes met his in the mirror.

"How do I look?" I scowled at him, and he chuckled.

"Ravishing. You are not only the most beautiful woman in Forks, but in the world." Rebecca laughed at her son's antics and left the room, closing the door behind her.

Playfully I batted his hands away and unzipped the graduation gown. Hard to believe it was only a few days away. It was not the biggest occasion for the weekend. That spot was reserved for our wedding. The day before graduation, I would become Mrs. Mike Newton. Actual excitement flowed through me and I smiled. Hanging the gown I turned and looked at Mike. He was leaning against the post of the bed, his face lit with a huge smile.

"Have I told you today how much I love you?" Reaching out, Mike pulled me flush against him. I knew he was anticipating our wedding night. When I had moved in, we both promised his parents that there would be no fooling around until after we were married, not that we'd fooled around much. Between school, work, and the baby, we were both usually falling into our separate beds, exhausted

"Not yet. I'm always ready to hear it." Rasing up on my tiptoes, I began kissing down his jaw to his collar bone. He was still wet from his shower and smelled so good that I wanted to wrap myself up in him. Before he'd come into the room he had thrown on low slung jeans, and that was it. His chest was warm and wet beneath my hand as I began exploring his chest. "So how many days do we have again before we're married?" I couldn't deny my feelings for Mike anymore. Not only did I want him, but I was falling in love with him, something that after Edward, I thought would be impossible.

"One, after tonight, tomorrow, you're mine." His voice was low and his breath was catching in his chest as I ran my hands along the waist band of his jeans, then down inside them. I could feel how hard he was against me and I groaned.

"You know. Two can play this game, my almost bride." Mike didn't even groan as he picked me up and laid me on the bed. Letting his hand flow from my waist down my leg he lifted it up and around him. Pulling up my shirt to just past my belly, he began kissing it all over, chuckling when Charlie gave a mighty kick. Slowly he began lifting my shirt up higher until they were up over my engorged breasts. Two of his fingers found their way under my bra and to my ultra-sensitive nipples. I groaned and arched into him. Charlie chose that moment to give a particularly hard kick and I cried out in pain. It was enough to sour the mood.

We sat up and Mike stared at my chest wear a bruise was becoming visible through the skin on my abdomen. This had happened before, and always concerned Mike. It always led to the question that he'd been asking for the past two months.

"You're going to have to tell him soon, Bella. He has a right to know. I would want to." Mike's hand formed around the swell of my belly and laid his head on my breast. "Don't get me wrong, Charlie is my son, but you should at least let him know."

I did the only thing I could do. I lied. "I tried today Mike, after school. The number I have for him is no longer in service." I hated lying to him, hated deceiving him. I didn't want to take the chance that the Cullens or Edward would find a way to take Charlie away from me. They had the means to, and not just because they were vampires. Charlie was mine and Mike's son, Edward gave up any right to him the day he walked out of my life.

When I got cold, I put back on my shirt. Eventually Mike and I both fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms. Rebecca woke us up later when it was time for the wedding rehearsal. Because of our situation, we were both forgoing the traditional bachelor and bridal showers. We were too tired for them anyway. By the time the rehearsal and dinner were over. All either of us wanted to do was sleep. Mike was staying at Ben's house for the night. After living with him so close for the last few months, even the one night away seemed too much. By the time my head hit the pillow I was missing Mike terribly.

The next day dawned a bright, beautiful morning. Angela and Rebecca helped me get ready and soon we were on our way to the church. I was glad when Billy and Jacob arrived. I hadn't seen them since Charlie's funeral, and the changes in Jacob amazed me. He seemed to have grown a foot in all directions. Before the funeral we had tried to stay friends and even afterward we would call each other every few days. Mike understood that I had grown up with Jake and that he was as close to me as a brother could get. Jake didn't know that Charlie was Edward's son, and I hoped I would never have to tell him. I honestly didn't know how he would take it and it was too good a friend to let go. Jake as my only quasi family member would be walking me down the aisle at my request.

I took Jake's arm as the music began to play and the doors to the inner church were opened. Nerves threatened to buckle my legs as I walked down the aisle. Keeping my face on Mike, I could make it, just barely.

Mike's hand was shaking as he took mine and his whispered "I love you, you look so beautiful." The words made my heart clench tightly.

No one rose in objections to the marriage, and the last piece of my heart that had secretly been holding out for Edward died. It was the last piece I needed to be able to fully love Mike. In that moment, I realized I did. I loved Mike, more than I'd loved Edward. Mike made what once, I thought was impossible, real. As I said my vows my voice was clear and I was sure my eyes shone as brightly as my heart felt inside. Tears were running down Mike's face as I said my vows to him. When it came time for the kiss, I kissed Mike with everything I had. Holding his head in my hands, I looked into his eyes. Telling him how much I loved him, and how I would love him forever was easy.

That night, I gave not only my body, but my soul to Mike. Where Edward had been rough and impatient, Mike was gentle and took so much time that I was spent before he really began. When he entered me for the first time, I had been ready for an onslaught of pain and discomfort. Instead, I felt nothing but sensation as I flew.

The next day I graduated high school as Bella Newton and couldn't have been happier. At least I thought I couldn't be. Later that day, once everyone had left from the joint, Graduation Party/Baby Shower, Mike pulled me aside as I was saying goodbye to our guests.

"Go for a ride with me?" With my feet swollen and my back hurting all I really wanted to do was take a nap. I couldn't say, "No" to Mike when he looked so eager and happy.

"Can we take my truck? I can't get up into your parents Suburban anymore?" I laughed and rubbed the belly that was even bigger today that it had been yesterday.

Mike helped me in the truck and began driving. The way he was taking was close to the store so I wandered if he needed to stop in for something. He kept driving past the store for another mile. I looked at him questioningly when he pulled off onto a stone drive that was all but hidden by the trees.

The stone drive stopped at a picturesque cottage. It seemed to have come right from a fairy tale. A fire in the chimney sent puffs of smoke into the air, though it was close to eighty degrees outside. Plants hung from hooks on the small porch and in boxes underneath mullioned windows. A stone pathway wound around to the front door and another one around to the back of the house. The little house was picture perfect, and it made me wonder why Mike had brought me here.

"Do you like the place?" Mike got out and came around behind me, pulling me into his arms.

"It's lovely, but what are we doing here?" I raised my head under his chin, but I couldn't see his eyes.

"Let's go inside and look around." Mike tugged at my hand and within a few feet had me at the front door.

"We can't just walk into strangers' homes." I tried to tug my hand out of his, by Mike held firm.

"Trust me. They won't mind." With his right hand, Mike opened the door. The warm smells of apples and cinnamon hit my nose. It was so inviting. I could see the fire crackling in the stone fireplace. A sofa and coordinating chairs were placed around the fireplace. They painted the walls a soft green and the floors were old original oak. Little things, like pictures on the walls seemed familiar.

"Come on, Mrs. Newton. Let's take a tour." Coming behind me again, Mike scooped me up in his arms.

"Mike, what are you doing? Put me down." I slapped at him as he walked into the room.

"Would you like to know what I'm doing, Mrs. Newton?" He spun me slightly in his arms.

"Yes, I would." I batted at his arms to put me down. He took a few steps outside, then walked back in.

"I'm carrying my bride over our threshold." My mouth gaped open and I just stared at him as he walked out, then in again.

"What? What's going on, Mike?" Finally he put me down inside the door then shut it behind him.

"Go look around. Look on the wall over here and tell me what you see." Mike pointed to framed pictures that hung on the wall and I hesitantly walked toward them. Hanging on the wall, were pictures of us, pictures of Charlie in his uniform and of all of us as a family the Christmas as Mike proposed. Tears welled in my eyes, and the more I tried to wipe them away, the more they fell.

Looking around I noticed so many things from Charlie's house and Mike's parents. Some things were old, some were new, but somehow it all seemed to work together. It was beautiful and it felt, like home. A sob caught in my chest as I saw the framed flag and Charlie's badge hanging on one wall with a picture of him and me under it. Charlie's large flat screen tv also hung on a wall across from the couch. , He would have been happy to know that it would still be playing a plethora of sports and fishing shows.

"How? How did you do this?" Turning around I ran into Mike's arms. He was always there, so staunch and unmovable. I loved him so much.

"All those basketball games with the guys, well they weren't basketball games. I got a bunch of them together along with Dad. We've been working on it for months. I'll have to show you the before pictures. The place was falling apart. I wanted us to have a home of our own, something that's just for us. I talked to Mom and Dad and they agreed to let me use my college fund. I didn't want to go anyway, and soon they want to open another store. I figured we could run the one here, while they run the other one. It's close to the store, and there's three bedrooms upstairs. We made the back kitchen bigger and added a laundry room and another bathroom. Angela and Mom helped with the decorating. I tried to tell them that you would want to do that, but with the baby coming soon, they didn't want to wear you out. Anything you don't like, we can change."

Once he was finished, I just looked at him for the longest time. He had done all of this for me, for us. It was so hard to fathom. Mike's love amazed me more every day. Standing there, feeling the warmth of his skin and the dark blue of his eyes, I fell in love more than I ever thought possible. It wasn't the job that he had done, or that he had bought and redid our house, it was the love in his eyes and the love that poured out to me from every corner of the room. For the first time in my life, I felt whole, complete, and free.

Taking my hand Mike led me upstairs. The first one was just empty, but the second made me gasp. In yellow, orange and green, frogs danced out at me. They already put together and positioned a white crib and changing table. Everything that we had bought for the baby was ready to go. Mike was right, I had been so tired lately that I didn't even want to think about getting the nursery ready. The thought had exhausted me.

"This was my project. I wanted to do this for you, for us and Charlie." Mike leaned against the doorframe looking at me as I inspected every nook and cranny of the room. "You'd picked most everything out anyway, all I did was the finish." He looked down, trying hard not to show the emotion in his eyes.

I went to him, hugging him as hard as I could with Charlie between us. "Thank you. It's wonderful." I kissed his lips and took his hand in my own. "Show me our room, and if the owners don't mind, I really need the bathroom." Grinning I pulled him out of the room.

The room next to the nursery was our bedroom. Angela and Rebecca had decorated in creams and dark blues. The poster bed from Mike's house that had been in my room was perfect with its pillars almost touching the roof line. A dark blue quilt lay on top. The room was so soothing and inviting that I couldn't wait to lie down and take a nap, which would be soon. I yawned and found the bathroom across the hall not being able to hold any longer.

Everything Mike had done was so wonderful. I tried hard not to cry again, but lately that just was mute. I cried at the drop of a hat over anything lately.

"How are you feeling, honey?" Mike's voice had the door had me scrubbing at my eyes, tired.

"Tired, and sore. I swear I think Charlie has broken a rib." In truth, he had, two of them. I didn't tell Mike, I didn't want him to worry and start asking questions that I couldn't answer. Questions like, is your ex a vampire?

I opened the bathroom door. The bathroom had a huge Jacuzzi tub and shower, it was probably big enough for two, or at least one very pregnant lady. The room was done in a lighter blue and cream to coordinate with the master bedroom. Sighing I stepped out of the bathroom and rubbed my aching back. My whole body hurt. I was also so tired, I swore I could fall asleep on my feet.

"Why don't you lay down and take a nap, I get the rest of our things from Mom and Dad's then come back and fix you some dinner?" Mike's strong hands began rubbing the ache in my lower back as he moved me toward the bed. Peeling back the covers, he sat me down and pulled off my shoes. I crawled in and he tucked the quilt around me.

Mike for some reason was the only person I let take care of me. As he brushed the hair out of my face, then kissed my head, I knew I had to tell him how deeply I felt about him.

"Come down here for a moment." Grabbing his hand I pulled him toward me. Mike went onto his knees and we were face to face. "I want you to know something." Holding my hand, he kissed the back of my knuckles.

"What's that?" His eyes were soft and caring as he stared into mine.

"I want you to know that I love you. I love you so much. I wish I could say I loved you from the beginning, but I can't, and I'm sorry for that. When I said my vows to you yesterday, I wanted you to know that I meant every word. I love you and am in love with you Mike Newton. You are the other half of me that I never knew existed. I never want you to think or believe that I married you just because I was pregnant. I married you because you are my life and I want to spend forever with you. Hopefully someday we can give Charlie, a brother or a sister." Tears were welling in my eyes as I poured my soul out to him. He stared at me then rested his forehead against mine.

"Aw, sweetheart, I know you love me. I knew that day on the road that you wouldn't be ready or even willing to love me like I loved you. I was willing to wait until you did. I also know that you loved Edward, or we wouldn't be having Charlie. I'm okay with that Bella, just like I'm okay with Edward being a part of Charlie's life. He's still my son Bella, biologically or not.'

'I'm going to tell you something that no one else knows except my parents. My dad is not my real dad. My mother was in college, and like you were pregnant when she met my dad, my biological father ran off when he found out she was pregnant. It doesn't take biology to be a parent Bella, all it takes is love, and I love this little guy more than life itself. Someday, I would love nothing more than to give him a brother or a sister. However, I will never love him any less, or them any more.'

'I've known from the beginning that I was a rebound Bella. I'm just glad that in the end, I won the girl and that she loves me enough to marry me and to spend her life with me. That is enough to make me die someday a very happy old man. Thank you, Bella Newton, for letting me win your heart, I will cherish it always."

Mike kissed me lips and rubbed his head against mine. "Now go to sleep my wife. I love you." Again he kissed me then tucked the covers tightly around me. Turning off the light he left the room and I promptly fell asleep.

**June - Ten Days Later**

I threw the magazine across the livingroom in disgust. Two days ago Mike found out about the broken ribs and made me go to the hospital. They said it wasn't uncommon which to some extent relieved Mike, at least for that. The doctor found out that my blood pressure was too elevated and that I was in the middle stages of eclampsia. It was complete bed rest either at home, or in the hospital until the baby was born. I chose to be home, which meant waited on hand and foot and being completely miserable for a month.

Mike and his father were running the store while Angela and Rebecca stayed with me during the day. It wasn't their fault that I was a horrible patient. I just couldn't stand having people wait on me. In the last few days I had bitten Mike's head off so often that it was a wonder he still had it attached. Later in tears I would apologize and he would try to accept, but I knew during those times I had hurt him.

Everyplace on my body hurt, my back was the worst. It literally felt like Charlie was trying to rip his way from my womb. My back and stomach were black and blue from his kicks and punches.

Earlier I had sent Rebecca home. Mike was due in an hour and I would be fine on my own for that long. Looking at the clock I saw that Mike was due home any minute. Technically the only trips they that allowed me to make were to the bathroom and back, but the doctor didn't want me to make them unassisted. Knowing Mike was due home I took the chance. Going to, was fine, coming back, it hit me with excruciating pain in my lower body. My feet buckled underneath me. If it wouldn't have been for the sturdiness of a kitchen chair, I would have ended on the floor.

Hot sticky liquid began running down my legs. I smelled it before I saw it, blood. Woozy I clung to the chair, fighting not to black out. I knew in my heart I was losing the baby. I was losing Charlie. For the first time, I didn't want to lose Charlie. For the first time I felt the maternal love that so many talked about and I knew without a doubt that I loved my child. He was every bit as much, mine as he was Edward's and damn it, I wasn't going to see him die. I had survived the pain of James' torture. I could fight for my child's life.

On my hands and knees I found the urge to vomit as I crawled across the kitchen floor toward the phone. I was just reaching for it when I heard the front door, open and close. Take a huge breath. I screamed.

"Mike!" I was still on my hands and knees when he skidded on the hard wood floor of the living room.

"Oh, God!" Without a thought he grabbed his cell phone from his pocket and dialed 911.

I heard him talk to the operator and then start yelling. My head was swimming and I couldn't wrap myself around any of the words except Mike's cussing which very rarely happened. A few moments later I felt something being pressed between my legs then Mike lifting me into his arms.

"Hang on, Bella, please hang on, baby."

I was vaguely aware of him putting me in the truck and pealing out the drive. The rattling of the old vehicle as Mike pushed the engine to its maximum limits were foggy in my brain. A part of me knew that I was dying along with our son. A year ago death wouldn't have bothered me, but now I wanted to live. Forcing myself I opened my eyes and tried to calm down although pain was slicing me in two. The feeling like that of a hot knife seemed to stab at me from the inside out. I bit my lip to keep from screaming, so as not to scare Mike. Excruciating pain hunched me over, clutching at my middle when the door wrenched open and Mike was hauling me out and into his arms.

"Help me, please. My wife, she's bleeding and it won't stop." His cries tore at my heart and I prayed that Charlie and I would make it through this. I didn't want to leave Mike, especially after just finding him.

My mind started going blank when I felt them lay me on the gurney. The last thing I remembered was Mike's sobs of love and prayer as they wheeled me away.

**Present Day**

I knew the whole floor could hear my sobs as I wailed and I didn't care. Mike. My Mike was gone. It should have been me, or I should have saved him, better yet, we should have gone together.

The picture of my family that someone had placed beside my bed brought out anger and I threw it as hard as I could. It flew out the door and into the hallway wall where the glass shattered and the frame flew apart.

Knowing it was the only thing close I had of him right now, I regretted the decision. Pulling out the tubes and needle in my arm I fell out of the bed. I tried to stand, then crawled across the floor and into the hallway where the picture landed. My hands and knees began cutting and bleeding because of the glass. I didn't care.

"Why, why did you have to leave me, you shouldn't have pushed me out, we could have been together. How am I going to be able to do this without you? I need you. How am I going to tell Charlie you're gone? I'm sorry that I didn't save you. Please, God, please bring him back. Take me instead, please." I clutched the picture to my chest and pulled my unbroken leg up and sobbed, forget heartbroken, my heart was gone.

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**Author's Note**: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all! I know it's been two months since I have updated anything on this story. Hope this chapter makes up for it. This chapter was hard for me to write and I rewrote it a couple of times. Editing this large of a chapter was a pain as well. Hope everyone thinks the update was worth the wait. I am already editing the next chapter so the wait will not be as long. I am not giving up on this story even though the hiatus made it seem like I was. Sorry again for the delay.

Aerialla


	10. Angst

SM owns all...

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**Chapter Nine: Angst**

**Carlisle POV**

I watched at the end of the hall and held the nurses back that wanted to run to her. I was glad now that I had stuck Bella in the new wing alone, though I was sure they could hear her wails on the entire floor. More than one new mother was holding their children and husbands closer.

I smelled Edward before I saw him. He was just turning the corner when the picture flew from the room and into the hallway.I held the nurses and now Edward back as we heard the alert for the IV's beeping from the nurses station. In horror we watched as Bella crawled across the floor on her hands and knees. The smell of her blood became fresh in the air as the glass cut into her soft skin.

Her wails and words brought Edward to his knees. I put my hand on his shoulder when I felt him start to go to Bella. She was begging for God to bring her husband back and I felt my heart break for her. Bella didn't deserve this pain, no one did, but especially not Bella.

"Sarah, I want you to help Mrs. Newton back to her room, clean, and bandage her cuts. Get her hooked back up to her IV's, then I want you to give her a strong dose of sedative, she'll need to sleep through the night. The rest of you, back to work, there's nothing to see here."

Physically, I pulled Edward up off the floor.

"Come on Edward, we don't belong here. We'll figure out a way for you to see your son, but now is not the time. We could do more damage to her than what's already done. Meet me in my office." I said it in my mind so I wouldn't alert the nurses.

Ten minutes later I walked into my office. Edward was waiting impatiently. He was drumming his fingers on his leg as it bounced up and down.

"Edward, I fully understand your need for your son. Every person that I have I managed to glean information, has said the same, Bella and Mike Newton had an idyllic marriage and life together. You could see for you how much she loved him. I know it hurts, son, but this is the reason we left. You wanted Bella to have a happy, normal life. Mike Newton gave her that life and all the love he had to give, to begrudge her that because you still love her is cruel. There are right ways and wrong ways to go about this. Small steps are the only way to go about seeing your son."

The growl in Edward's chest told me he didn't care much for my thoughts. I tried hard not to think of the conversation between me, Jasper, and Alice. It wouldn't do any good for Edward to know that he stood little chance of every winning back Bella's love.

"What do you mean that I stand little chance?" Edward's angry outburst caused the chair he had been sitting in to slam against the wall and fall apart as he forced it backward.

"You weren't supposed to find out. We didn't want you getting angry and ruining your chances of having a relationship with Charlie. Go home and ask Alice, then decide, son. We have to live with the consequences of our actions." I hoped that Edward would think of the consequences of his actions five years ago and it would allow him to cool down. Sighing I watched as he slammed out the door. If Edward didn't get a hold of his temper, he was going to ruin whatever chances he had for a life with his son. I hope Alice would get him to see the light.

Picking up the phone, I dialed Alice. She answered quickly and started talking without me saying hello.

"Don't worry about it, Carlisle. He would have found out eventually. It's better this way. We can get everything out in the open. We've tried to protect him for too long. I love Edward, Carlisle, but its time for him to grow up and learn that he screwed up his chances with Bella when he walked out on her. I think he half-expected her to pine for him the rest of her life. I'm glad that Bella was happy and loved, what we did, the way we left her, were so wrong. I will never forgive myself for hurting her, and I don't ever expect her to forgive me."

"What should we do, Alice? Should we take this slow like we planned, or just come out to Bella that we're back. I'm sure you saw what happened to Bella today. I don't want to make her condition worse by our appearance in Forks." Leaning forward in the chair I rested my elbows on the desk. If I didn't know better, I would say I felt a headache.

"Either way she's going to hate us, I can see it both ways. It's going to hurt, but just use the band-aid methodology. Just do it and get it over with. Better for you to see her first than Edward, it is better if you see her first, marginally but better. She's not going to be nice, just to warn you. Go now, she's refused her sedative and pulled the IV out. She also just told the nurse that if she comes near her with it again the nurse is going to wear the bed pan. You'd better hurry. This new Bella is a lot more fiery, than the old Bella.**"**

Quickly I hung up the phone and ran as fast as I dared to back to the maternity ward. Luckily for everyone on the ward, Bella was due to be release in two days. Unfortunately, for Bella is being the same day that she would bury her family.

**Edward POV**

It was all I could do not to wring Alice's neck as I came through the front door. Jasper sensing my feelings stood in front of his deceitful wife.

"Just what in the hell is going on Alice?" I could feel my eyes blackening and again the urge to rip her head off her shoulders was immense.

"This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you. Damn it, Edward, grow up. Bella doesn't love you anymore, Edward, and possibly never will again. We destroyed that when we left. It's time that you face the consequences of your actions. If you don't stop, and amend what you've done, then you don't deserve your son. Bella was better off without us, Edward. He loved her Edward. Mike loved her enough to die for her. Every time Bella needed him. Mike was there. She almost died three times before the accident, Edward. The first time she was losing your son, she was hemorrhaging so badly that she died on the delivery room table, but they brought her back. Laurent and Victoria came back for her, and she was shot in the back during a robbery. Mike almost died saving her from Victoria, and the bullet only missed her heart by a hair."

Alice pushed Jasper aside and stood toe-to-toe with me though she had to crane her neck to do it. I didn't scare her.

"Why in the hell didn't you say something. I would have come back for something like that. I can't believe you saw her dying and never said anything." My hands went to grab Alice and on Jasper's growl I stopped.

"Someone told me not to look at her future remember. Since then I have not seen Bella's future, only what's about to happen right before it does. In every vision I saw that she was going to be okay, that she was going to live. She wouldn't have made it this time, if we wouldn't have gotten to her, she would have hemorrhaged, just like with Charlie and died. She and Mike knew there was a risk in having their little girl. They tried for two years Edward, and lost one to a miscarriage. They almost gave up because of scar tissue on her uterus, scar tissue caused by you the night of her birthday. Both times the scar caused her uterus to separate from her body. I've had glimpses of Bella's future. If the pregnancy had gone to term and there would have been no accident, Bella would have died giving birth to Alicia. Mike chose to save Bella and we lost them both. That's the vision I saw the night we came back. We were on the road when I saw the car crash as it happened. I don't know whether it was fate or divine intervention. We need to leave her alone, Edward, let her heal. Give her whatever time she needs."

"What if that time never comes, Alice? What happens if I just sit back and wait for Bella?" I could feel the venom in my veins boiling. I saw a flicker between her and Jasper and plucked it from their brains, before they could block it. "She doesn't ever plan to telling me, does she? She never plans on telling me that Charlie is my son? If she had died, I never would have known, would I, Would I!" I screamed the words at her.

When she wouldn't answer me, I picked up the vase of flowers beside me and threw it at the wall by her head, watching as it shattered into a billion pieces of glass and water around her.

"No, she never would have told you. The only person she ever told was Mike and he went to his grave knowing. Jacob figured it out on his own. If Bella and Mike died, Charlie would go to Jacob who was to take him away, someplace only Jacob knows."

Growling I bolted for the door, angry and hurt that she had deliberately kept my son from me, and worse had no intention of telling me. Well she was damned well going to tell me now. I could hear Alice shouting and running after me to stop. Her words that I'd ruin everything kept ringing in my ears didn't stop me. I had to know the truth.

**Bella POV**

How was I going to tell Charlie that they were gone? His daddy would never tuck him in again, or snuggle him on the couch while watching Disney movies. He'd never get to bake cookies with Grandma again, and Grandpa would not be taking him fishing camping next month before school started.

How could I tell my child the family that loved and adored him was gone? I'd have to tell him soon. The funeral was two days away.

The tissue box beside me was empty, so I wiped my face on the blanket, not caring if some snot got on it or not. I looked up when the door handle to my room began to turn.

It was either Dr. Cooper, or someone to give condolences. My hope was on the doctor. Dr. Cooper had been trying everything to get me to smile and laugh. Nothing worked. My heart was too full of grief for his lackadaisical charm. I prepared myself for a smile, but not the smile that walked through the door.

"How are you feeling today?" The voice was the same as I recalled from six years ago. Pulling out a penlight he followed the same motions as he did the first time I met him. He checked my eyes, then my pulse.

Anger licked at the frozen parts of my heart. They had no right to be here. Why did they come back now, when it was five years ago that I needed them? Did they come back to rub it in my face that my wonderful husband was dead, yet they would live forever? Where were they when flames were burning Mike alive because he saved my life?

"So how are you feeling physically? I'm sorry for what's happened, we are." Carlisle was writing in a blur on my chart, unafraid to use his vampire abilities around me. That just pissed me off even more.

"Get out!" My voice, my control, surprised me. My tone was low, dangerous, and with purpose. Carlisle turned, looking me in the eye. I could feel my hands bunching in the blanket. The urge for violence was rising. "I said, Get Out! I don't need you here, more importantly, I don't want you here." Looking into his amber eyes, I felt my voice almost growling.

"Bella, I'm your doctor, you can't refuse treatment." His hands reached for mine. Either Carlisle didn't want to believe my words, or he thought I was delusional. It was a combination of both. I quickly pulled my hand back and away.

"I understand that, Dr. Cullen. What I'm saying is that I don't want you for my doctor. Anything that I have to discuss will be with Dr. Cooper. Now you can either, leave my room, or I can call for security." Tightly I folded my hands in front of me, experience had taught me well. It was no use hitting him.

"Bella, we're the ones that found you. You almost died. We came back to save you." His face was a mask of concern. Did he believe I would welcome them back with open arms? Now who was the delusional one?

"You came back to save me, that's rich. Where were you when I almost bled to death five years ago? What about two years ago, when high, idiot teenagers tried to rob Newton's. I still have the scar on my back from the shotgun blast if you'd like to see it. Better yet, how about four years ago when Victoria and Laurent came back to Forks for a little revenge. So forgive me if I find it funny that you came back to save me. I didn't need any of you then, and I surely as hell don't need the mighty Cullens now. Go back to Alaska or wherever the hell you guys came from and leave me the fuck alone."

Laying my head back on the bed, I closed my eyes. I was exhausted, and feeling justified. All the times of hanging out with Mike's guy friends had taught me a more colorful language for times such as these.

"Get out, Carlisle. Tell the rest of them to stay away as well. I have no room, no wish, and no want for your family in my life anymore. You left me once, I'm sure doing it again will be just as easy."

"You're wrong, Bella. Leaving you then wasn't easy for us, not for any of us. We were wrong, Bella and had we known about the other incidents we would have been here immediately. For what it's worth, I'm glad that you were happy, loved, and that you loved your husband.'

'Think about it this way, if we wouldn't have left, would you have had Mike and your children, or would you be doomed to the mediocrity of our existence? Honestly, even though you hurt then and more so now, you got the better deal. There are many of my kind who mourn and long to have what you were given, myself included.'

'I'm sorry our leaving hurt you, but I'm not sorry for the wonderful gift, it let you to have. If you need us for anything, don't hesitate, you know where we are." Carlisle stood regally and leaned forward kissing me on my head, even as I tried to flinch away.

I closed my eyes and waited until I heard the sound of the door clicking shut. Carlisle was gone. I just hoped he would relay the message and the rest would stay away. His words and their meaning were not lost on me. I would never have had Mike, his parents, or Alicia Rose if they had stayed. I was better-off without them, and it no longer hurt anymore, at least not the way it did. Their return now was too late, they couldn't bring back Mike and he was the only thing I wanted most in the world. For that I hated them. If they arrived but moments sooner, they could have changed Mike and still alive. I hated them for their immortality when my husband was gone and while I didn't hate my son, I hated that Charlie was a part of them.

Pressing a button beside the bed, I called for a nurse.

"What can I get for you, honey, are you in pain?" The voice sounded in the speakers on the bed.

"No pain. I'd like to see my daughter." I had not yet held my daughter in my arms. They felt empty somehow. I needed to hold her and make sure she was all right.

"She's a little thing. Right now she's in the NICU. Moving you to her will be easier. I'll be right there." She came in and began checking the machines then pulled up my chart. "It says here that you have requested Dr. Cullen off your case. He's the best doctor we've ever had. May I ask why?" The nurse, Jackie, by her name tag, looked at me. Her eyes shone only slight bewilderment, everything else read, full control. Hopefully if I had anymore experiences with other Cullen family members, I could be as controlled as she was.

"I prefer Dr. Cooper. I'm sure he's more than adequate. I also prefer his manner." I smiled at her, trying to portray nonchalance.

"Just don't make him nervous, and don't let him talk your ear off. He babbles." Jackie smiled at me then patted my leg.

"Why shouldn't he get nervous?" I had never seen a nervous doctor and with as many as I had seen in my life that was saying a lot.

"Trust me. You don't want to know. Let Dr. Cooper look you over and we'll get you in to see your baby." Jackie wrote something on my chart the left the room, leaving the door open.

A few minutes later I heard Dr. Cooper's voice walking toward the room. He was laughing and talking fast. I realized the connection. He reminded me of Mike. Both have the same jovial manner, the persistence and the urge to make me smile.

Fresh tears formed in my eyes. I would never again see Mike's smile, hear his gentle teasing, or his words of love ever again. No longer would his arms hold me when I hurt. Would I forever have this feeling of emptiness, without him.

My favorite times had always been cuddling on the couch with popcorn and a movie in our little cottage. More often than not we would wind up falling to the floor to make love in front of a fire. At night I couldn't fall asleep unless my head was on his chest and his arms wrapped around me. The nights when we were alone we would make love until dawn and still not be satisfied. I was so lost in tears and memories that I never heard Dr. Cooper enter the room. It was the sound of running water that alerted me to his presence.

"Here this is better." He handed me a warm wash cloth. His light grey eyes held an unfathomable amount of compassion.

I took the cloth and began wiping my face, wincing in pain when I would rub too hard on a tender spot.

"Allow me." He took the cloth from my hand and began gently wiping my face. "That's better. We can't have you all puffy to meet your daughter."

"When can I see her?" My excitement, the only emotions other than tears I'd been able to show must have seemed bright on my face, because he laughed.

"Finally I get you to smile a little. Let me check your charts, but you should be fine." He pulled up the chart and his eyebrows went up when he saw the request for Carlisle off my case, but he didn't say anything. "There is a couple of tests that I'd like to run tomorrow morning. Pending the results we should discharge you tomorrow afternoon. Your daughter, unfortunately needs to stay here for a little while longer. I scanned her chart for you before I came in here. She's gaining weight but still underdeveloped. It could be a few weeks, but more likely a month before she can go home."

Knowing that my little girl lay helpless, caused a fresh wave of tears. If I had died, then she would have died as well. If for nothing else, I would seek out Carlisle, to thank him for saving her life. I owed him that much. Bending I reached for the tissue box and remembered it empty. handed me the wet rag and I patted at my face.

"Hey, don't worry. She's doing great. She just has a little more growing to do. The hospital doesn't let any premature babies go home until they are at least five pounds. It won't be long until she's home with you. His hands grabbed and squeezed mine.

"I need to see her." I dried my face again and squeezed his hand in return, respecting his kindness.

Fifteen minutes later I was in a wheelchair holding my tiny daughter. I tried not to think of Mike. He would miss, had already missed so much. I stayed until she fell asleep and feeling tired myself asked to return to my room.

It wasn't until the nurse helped me back in bed, turned off the night-light, then left, closing the door behind her, that I noticed the figured standing in the dark shadowed corner. He was silent, as still as a statue.

"I told Carlisle that I didn't want to see anyone." I was angry and flipped on the bright overhead light in my annoyance.

"Even me, Bella." The light left him no shadow to hide in and he stepped forward.

"Especially you, Edward." With the remote I turned on the TV and raised the volume, ignoring him.

"We have to talk Bella, about us." Sighing, Edward walked to the wall and unplugged the TV, the removed the nurse call button from the bed so I couldn't call for them.

"There is no us, Edward. We are nothing but an old high school memory. The memory that you look back on, glad that they're over."


	11. Anger

SM owns Twilight

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**Chapter Ten: Anger**

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**Edward POV**

Bella slightly took me aback. The woman sitting propped up with pillows in a hospital bed could spew venom as well as Rosalie. A hardness and, a fire laying in her eyes that had not been there years ago. There was little to this older Bella that I recognized.

If this was the way she wanted it, then, fine. I was tired of the pretense and the playing around the truth and the lies. By the second I was becoming angry, livid even at the woman I still very much loved even if she was killing me inside.

"How long did you plan on keeping him from me?" I stood. My long legs prowling the small room like a caged tiger.

"Keep whom from you Edward. I'm really not in the mood for your endless riddles and games, they got on my nerves years ago, now they're just pissing me off." Bella smoothed her blanket and the coolness and control in her voice almost made me falter. I didn't stop, but I did wonder how she had changed.

I was not used to her being coy and bitchy. It truly was better suited for Rosalie, not Bella, though she was pulling it off with aplomb. My anger was beginning to walk a very thin line.

"Fine, let's not play games then Bella. When were you going to tell me that I have a five-year-old son?"

"You don't have a son, Edward." Bella said the blatant lie directly to my face, her eyes flashed with such anger, and hatred that I almost bent to her will. Almost.

"Now who's playing games. Carlisle saw your charts Bella. Charlie's my son."

"Charles Edward Newton, is mine and Mike's son. Don't let the middle name fool you, Edward. His name comes from my father and Mike's grandfather. End of story. You don't get to walk in here and make demands on my life, especially on the life of my son. You left me, remember, in doing that, you severed any ties we could ever have." Bella's hands balled into fists. I think she would have hit me if she could.

My anger raged and bubbled over.

"I left to protect you. You have kept him from me deliberately. That's low Bella." I turned my back to her and stared out the window.

"You think you know so much, don't you Edward and want the truth, fine, here it is. The day after you left, I was distraught and ran into Mike. In my anger and hurt to get back with you, I slept with Mike.

We found out twelve weeks later that I was pregnant. Mike loved me, Edward, and proposed on Christmas in front of our family and friends. I agreed. I moved into the Newton's after my dad died, thanks for the condolences by the way, asshole. They were my family. The only real family I ever had. No, it didn't happen overnight, but on my wedding day, I married the man I loved. When we made love, he never hurt me or abused me, let alone leave me hurt and ashamed the morning after.

The day I married Mike was the best day of my life. He was my best friend, my soul mate, my husband, my lover, and the father of my children. Mike was an incredible father, whose son rose and set the sun by.

I almost died giving birth to our son because of the damage you did to me on my birthday, because of the same damage, we tried for two years to have another child. Charlie was not my only son, but we were blessed with Alicia and I gladly would have given mine and her life to save Mike.

Mike was the greatest man I've ever known and if I could do it again, I sacrifice myself just to have been with him the last moments of his life. You are nothing compared to him, and Edward Cullen and you never could be. Charles Edward Newton is not your son, and he never will be your son. His father was Michael Tyler Newton and I will take that to the grave."

I staggered with the blows that she kept sending my way. I didn't know which hurt more, the knife in my gut, or the one she slammed in my back. I also didn't know the truth to most of the story Bella so heartfelt told. I did know, one truth, Charlie was my son.

Digging into my back pocket, I took out my wallet. Inside I pulled out a copy of an ancient picture. Walking to Bella, I slammed the picture down on the bedside table just hard enough to demonstrate not only my anger, but my strength. A part of me relished in her flinch.

"I don't know what lies you have to tell yourself so that you can sleep at night, or which ones you've convinced yourself are real. Charlie is my son, Bella. Make no mistake. I will fight for my son."

"Then prove it with a DNA that I can take to a court of law, because I'll fight for him too, Edward. Charlie is not your son. I love how you'll fight for him, but you were too much of a coward to fight for me. One thing Mike never was, Edward, was a coward.'

'Did you know that Victoria almost killed him to get to me. Mike, a lowly human, was man enough to stand up to a vampire for me, yet you couldn't even fight for the woman you claimed to love. You ran with a tail between you legs, worse than any dog I've even seen on the reservation, and trust me they have some big dogs.'

'Charlie is not a toy or a pet to discard when you're done playing with him, Edward, he's a little boy who just lost his whole family. Think of someone else besides yourself for once in your life and leave my son alone. Think of what it will do to him when you walk away because you've grown tired of him. I will not see him destroyed like you destroyed me. I'll take him and Alicia away and you'll never find us. Don't fight a battle you won't win Edward. Get out of my life and leave me and my children the hell alone."

"You'd better think about what you say, Bella. If you run, I will find you, and heaven help any dogs that decide to follow. If you want DNA you've got it, but you already know the truth. Remember one thing, sweetheart. A court of law can work two ways, all it takes is one little accident for someone to be claimed as a bad mother, then who better to raise his son than a father. Don't play games and don't makes bets you can't win, Bella. I will not be shut out of my son's life. You're not the only one who has spent five years changing, don't think you know me anymore, Mrs. Newton." Softly I turned on my heel and closed the door gently behind me.

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**Author's Note: I know this was a short chapter. I'm trying to catch everyone up on this story as much as I can. For anyone out there reading who likes Jasper/Bella then head to my profile page and look up Second Chances. I will be updating that story as well in a few days. Take care and have a safe and wonderful New Year's Eve.**

**Aerialla**


	12. Rage

SM owns Twilight

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**Chapter Eleven: Rage**

**Edward POV**

Alice met me just as I was coming out of the door for the parking lot. We started walking toward her car. I heard my name and turned. Jubilation melting away any anger, I was feeling. Charlie, my son, was running across the parking lot toward me. Only a vampire would notice his speed was just a little faster than a normal human child. Alice stood beside me, bouncing up and down in her own joy.

"Run, catch him, he's going to trip and fall." Alice's words hung for a moment, calling after me. I had already started across the blacktop. Just as he tripped, I caught him. Scooping him up in my arms, I twirled, relishing feeling a warm little boy, so full of life and laughter.

My own laughter sounded foreign to my ears, especially after the fight I'd just had with Bella. I was certain I had never laughed or smiled so much in my life as tiny arms hooked around my neck and Charlie's wonderful voice sang in my head.

"I missed you, Edward." His face buried itself in my neck as his small sigh of contentment reached my ears.

"I missed you too, buddy." Communicating with him through our minds was miraculous. I didn't care about the why or how it was happening, I was just ecstatic that it was. Sharing this wonderful connection with my son meant more to me that anything on Earth.

"You remember Alice, don't you?" I said the words for the benefits of Alice and Jacob.

"Yeah." He seemed disappointed as I walked to the sidewalk then put him down.

"Could you keep her company for a few minutes while I talk with your Uncle Jacob?" Taking him by the hand, I walked him to the bench where Alice was sitting. "Be good for Alice."

Alice held out her small hand, and after a moment hesitation, Charlie took it. He climbed on the bench, sitting beside Alice who pulled a child's storybook out of her purse and began reading to Charlie. I walked toward Jacob. His face was a furious mask of barely self-contained rage.

"You're not supposed to be here, leech. Bella, doesn't want you here."

"I'll tell you what I told her. You will not keep me away from my son." I stood looking him in the eye and all but daring him to make a move.

"You run with him, I will find you and tear you apart." Jacob's eyes were flashing into his wolf's. Yet again I wondered just how much control Jacob had over his change.

"Same goes for you, furball. You move him so much as one foot from Forks and all bets are off. The treaty says nothing about the rest of the world, only this tiny corner. You may outnumber us, but how many are you willing to lose in the process. There are more than one way to skin a cat, or should I say a werewolf."

He growled and started to shift. "Down boy, don't worry, if Bella doesn't run, we'll do this the civilized way with lawyers and custody agreements, Jacob. I have the means to hire the best attorneys in the world, if that's what it takes to be near my son. It will require a DNA test which will blow holes in Bella's story about Charlie being Mike's son, and you know, things like that have a way of getting into the papers all the time. I don't even have to prove he's mine since I can rule out Mike's. Think about it Jacob, this is a small town, think of what a reputation like that would do for Bella."

"Edward, stop. You're going too far. Are you insane, or do you want Jacob Black phasing into a werewolf in a hospital parking lot? Shame on you, for even hinting that Bella has loose morals. You ought to be ashamed of yourself." Alice's voice chimed in my head and made me stop. She was right.

"I can't believe you'd do this to Bella. Mike's not even buried yet, and she just gave birth. You're going to come back here and kick her when she's down. I thought you were bad for a leech, but you'd even make a pretty shitty human being. Go back to your coffin, bloodsucker and let Bella, bury her family in peace. God, you are such a dick.'

'As of this moment you have no agreement of any kind, not with Bella and not with a court of law, so stay the fuck away from her. Come near her or her children again and I will take it personally as a sign of war. I'm head of the pack, so what I say, goes. Don't start something you're not prepared to finish Dickward.' Turning Jacob stalked over to Charlie.

'Charles Newton, inside now. You're not to go near them again, do you understand me." Jacob didn't wait for Charlie's hand just grabbed it and began walking away.

"But Uncle Jake, Edward's my friend." Charlie struggled in Jacob's grip to get away and I fought between helping my son or letting him go for now.

"Charles Edward Newton, I said move.' Jacob's growl was so low and dark that Charlie jumped and started to cry. 'I said now, Charlie."

I made a move to go for Jacob and found Alice holding me back."Don't do this, Edward, not in front of Charlie. Let it go."

"Alice!" I pleaded as she used her full strength to hold me back. It gave Jacob just enough chance to get Charlie inside.

When we got back to the house, everyone was waiting for us outside. Before we even go to the door, Alice laid into me in front of the family, using language that I had never heard her use before.

"Just what the fuck was that back there. Do you have to be such a fucking egomaniac or are you just trying to get us all killed for fun? To even suggest that you'd go to the papers with a shit story about Bella having lose morals. What in the hell is wrong with you?'

'You're going to start a war and then the Volturi are going to come and we're all going to die, and that includes, Bella and Charlie. Get your head out of your ass for once in your life, you son of a bitch, and realize what you are doing to the people around you. Go destroy yourself if you want to, but don't drag the rest of us to hell with you. I won't stick up for you again Edward, you go through with this with Bella and I'm done with you." Alice cocked back her fist and let it fly. My jaw snapped back and I flew into the a tree causing it to topple.

"That's enough! I will not have my children fighting one another." Carlisle's voice rang out. I stood up and saw Alice standing next to Jasper. It was now Carlisle facing me. "As for you, what the hell kind of scene was that with Bella at the hospital. When you disconnected her connection to the nurse's station, it began playing the whole conversation, quite loudly as well. If I wouldn't have been standing there to turn it down, the whole damn hospital would know what was going on. You've become reckless and it needs to stop now, especially if it involves the werewolves. I will not have you destroying this family because you have the patience of a two-year-old.'

'As Alice so aptly stated, get your head out of your ass or the next person who cleans your clock is not going to be your sister. You listen and you listen to me good, boy, or you'll be finding bits of your body for years. Leave Bella Newton alone, give her and her children time to heal.'

'I mean it Edward, you harass Bella again, especially out of spite and I'm done with you. You are not only messing with our lives, but with a woman I consider my daughter just as much as Rosalie and Alice. You go behind my back on this and you're on your own, no longer will you be a member of this family."

Carlisle was madder than I'd ever seen him before. I had pushed my father passed a point before which I had never crossed. His eyes were a color I had never in almost a hundred years seen on his face. Carlisle's eyes were jet-black with rage. "Everyone but Edward and Esme, go hunting. Now!" Carlisle looked at my siblings and they took off and into the setting sun. Once they were gone and out of an earshot, I sat back down on the ground, hard. Carlisle was still in his tirade.

"Just what in the hell has gotten into you, Edward, first fighting with Bella and Jacob Black and now Alice?"

I sat there and though ashamed of everything I'd just done, especially to Bella. Jacob would be telling her the things I said without a doubt. It had been obvious in her room that she hated me, now it was worse. "Seeing Bella and Charlie and holding, Alicia had filled my head with so many fantasies in the last few days. My head had begun to wrap itself around the notion that if Bella thought I was fighting for Charlie that I was fighting for her as well. For two nights I had sat for hours rocking her daughter and filling my head with one daydream after another, in all of them I had the family that Mike Newton stole from me." I didn't realize I spoke out loud until I heard Esme's voice of anger.

"When are you going to realize Edward that in leaving Bella, you let her go? Mike Newton didn't steal your family, if anything you're trying to steal his. You let Bella go, honey, yes to protect her from you, maybe we should just leave it at that.'

'Bella's not your possession, Edward. You should be happy that she fell in love and had a family that loved her in return. We are all happy for her, why can't you be as well. This is what you wanted for her. Yes, Charlie may well be your son, but Edward, being a parent means doing what is best for your child, and sometimes that means walking away.'

'You're not good for Charlie the way you are now. You're angry and hurt that your Bella fell in love with someone else, it's understandable. You loved her enough once to set her free, it's time to do it again, but this time you have to love your son enough, and realize that this will tear him apart.'

'Do you honestly think that if you hurt his mother that he's going to love you? You'll turn him against you, Edward, and when that happens you'll lose him forever. You have gone on now about how Bella didn't call you to tell you about Charlie, but in five years Edwards, did you once call her, write her a letter.'

'When we knew her father died, you should have come, could have sent a sympathy card or flowers. Nothing, you did nothing to ease her mind or her heart. One last question and then I'm done. How do you think Bella feels about you right now after you have threatened not only the safety and welfare of her son, but her daughter as well? Even if he is your son, Edward, that doesn't make him any less Bella's son."

Esme's words slowly sank into my thick skull and I damned myself for the pain I had just put Bella through on top of everything else. God, Jacob Black was right, a vampire or not I was shitty.

I needed to apologize to Bella and to assure her that I was not nor ever taking Charlie away from her. God, I was such an idiot. I didn't know if I could sneak in her room to talk to her, or if she'd have a werewolf bodyguard, but I had to try. All I wanted was to be a part of Charlie's life in any capacity, I was willing to do whatever Bella wanted just so long as I got to see him.

"I need to see her, to talk to her, and try to apologize. I know she won't accept it, but I have to anyway. I'm sorry for doing this, sorry to make you ashamed of me. Everything got so out of hand. I'm sorry Carlisle, sorry for putting our family through this mess."

"It's up to you to make it right, Edward, we'll support you as we always have, but you can't involve us in your battles anymore unless it's a matter of life or death." Carlisle helped me up off the ground and pulled me in for a hug then handed me to Esme.

"I know it's not one of your strengths, but you need to give this time Edward, you can't take back five years of pain in a few days, life doesn't work that way." Esme hugged me then she and Carlisle ran off into the night to hunt.

I headed back off towards the hospital.

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**AN: OMG this story is now over a hundred reviews. Thank you so much to everyone. Tell all of your friends that love Twilight fanfiction. I would love for this story to get as many as Second Chances. New Chapter up soon....**

**Aerialla**


	13. Forgive

SM owns Twilight

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**I am so sorry to everyone for the lack of updates on this story. Second Chances was taking over my life for awhile along with a twice household run of the flu. **

**This chapter is dedicated to the best muse a person could ask for...JaspersBella. Check out her and all of the girls at ..**

**Chapter Thirteen: Forgive**

**Song: Unbreak My Heart - by Toni Braxton**

**Bella POV**

I couldn't believe the things that Jacob told me Edward said, and I also couldn't pretend that they didn't hurt. It hurt like hell and made me wish for Mike even harder.

Holding the picture of Edward as a small boy, I could barely fathom the similarities. It was like looking at a photo of Charlie. My time was up. I couldn't pretend anymore that Charlie was Mike's son. If I forgave Edward, and told him the truth, it would be fulfilling a wish that Mike had wanted since even before Charlie was born. Mike had always been adamant about Charlie knowing his real father. For Mike, I could do this, I could fulfill his one wish. God, he was a better man that any girl deserved.

Putting Edward's picture aside, I fingered the picture from the frame I had thrown. Bits of it were cut by the glass, but it was still visible. I traced Mike's face and closed my eyes remembering how just a few nights ago we had lain awake in bed just staring into each other's eyes for what felt like hours. I couldn't stop the sob in my throat and I wondered why I would cry myself out of tears.

I heard the door open and I looked up. Great, just great. Edward was standing in the door. Holding back my sob, I laid the picture aside and shut the light off. I didn't want Edward to see me cry, even though he could see perfectly well in the dark.

"What do you want, Edward? Did you come to finish the job? I would like to say good-byes to my children, first if you don't mind. Just think Edward, with me gone, you could have everything that you want. Just make sure my daughter goes with Jacob, he's the only family she has and I don't want her raised alone"

More than one part of me hoped he was here to kill me so I could be with Mike again. Turning over on my left side, I positioned the hard cast on my leg underneath me. My breath caught as my broken ribs pulled. It hurt, but pain in my life was something I was way too comfortable with, at least pain was something that never went away.

"Better yet, just tell them that their mother loved them, but tell them never to fall in love, cause when it's gone, there is nothing but a big gaping hole and enough pain that you'd give anything just to die. Tell then that every second without their father was an eternity in hell. Do it, Edward, just do it, damn it, and get it over with." Without thinking I placed my hand on Mike's picture and began sobbing hard. The tears were still there. They didn't even hurt in the cuts anymore.

I felt the bed give under his iron frame and cool arms come around me. The chill of his skin was soothing and I didn't want it to be soothing. Having comfort in anyone's arms, but Mike's, hurt so damn much. All of my anguish and every secret that I had kept came pouring out of my mouth as I cried. At least I could fulfill Mike's wish before I died.

"He always wanted me to tell you, begged me even to call and let you know about Charlie. He thought it was important that you be a part of Charlie's life. Mike said that it didn't change the way he felt about Charlie, and that he was still his son.'

'He'd been adopted by Mike Newton Sr and wished and hunted for his father for years, he didn't want Charlie to go through that. He wanted you to be a part of Charlie's life because his real father hadn't been a part of his.'

'I lied to him. I told him that I tried to call and that your number was no longer in service, later I lied and told him that I hired a private investigator, but that he didn't find anything. He even started trying on his own, always saying that it was for Charlie and that no matter what happened we'd get through it together.'

'I know it would have been his last request, so yes, Edward, Charlie is your son. I don't know how it happened, or why, but he's your son. At first it hurt so much when you left, it felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest, but this is bad.'

'I can't live without him, please, Edward, just do it and get it over with. Please, it hurts so much.**" **I felt Edward hold me closer and begin to stroke my hair as I cried. For the first time I wish Edward could see Mike how I'd seen him and that his leaving had been the best thing to happen to me. Concentrating I tried to think about forcing my thoughts into this head.

**Edward POV**

Never had I thought when I came to apologize that I would be holding Bella in my arms as she cried. I was glad that I did not have Jasper's powers as Bella's pain was already excruciating. I knew by her words that she believed I had come to kill her to get Charlie, and I regretted my earlier actions.

As she told me about Mike, I began having better thoughts of him than I ever thought possible. That he wanted to find me so I could have a relationship with Charlie moved me in more ways than I knew how to express. As Bella begged me to end her life I felt a pull and garbled images coming into my head. Slowly they got clearer. They were images of Bella and Mike and I was seeing Mike through Bella's eyes.

How was this possible, I'd never been able to read Bella's thoughts before, but now she was projecting them to me like a movie reel? It started from the moment he found her on the road, then finding out Bella was pregnant with Charlie. Seeing through Bella's eyes the way Mike loved her and she him, made me realized that giving her up had been worth it.

The images I loved and hated the most was seeing Bella pregnant and Charlie moving under their hands. Her beauty on their wedding day took my breath away and my heart cried in jealousy as he carried her over the threshold of their home. Her thoughts on the day Charlie died and wondering why none of us came, tore at my gut. We should have been there for her. I held her close as Mike found her on the floor bleeding out and her last images as she died on the operating table for a brief second. She was right when she had said she lied about finding me, but with it I could see and feel her pain. She always was afraid that I would take Charlie away. She'd lived with fear of it for five years.

Anger filled me as I watched Mike try to fight off Victoria, right before the werewolves showed up. Images of a teenager with a gun shooting Bella in the back while Mike stared on helpless, holding an infant Charlie in his arms. The images turned to sorrow as they held each other and cried over the son they lost. Their doctor's insisted they not try for more children, and Bella's wanting to give Mike a child that was his, even though he doted on and loved Charlie more than any father I'd ever seen.

I saw why Bella loved Mike and I couldn't fault her for it. Their love had been so beautiful and strong. It reminded me of Carlisle and Esme's and how I'd always hoped for a love like that. The last memories she showed me, was of the accident and how she tried to get Mike free. With my knowledge and her sight I could see why Mike pushed her out of the car. He never would have walked away from the accident whole. He was bleeding out and probably only had seconds to live himself. He'd used the last of his strength to push Bella backwards out of the car and to safety. His words of love to her would be forever ingrained on my soul.

Slowly the memories faded and I could feel Bella pulling away from me. I was glad that Mike had loved her the way I couldn't and I was forever in his debt for loving my son as his own, even when he knew I was the father.

Looking down I noticed that Bella while not sleeping, wasn't crying anymore.

"I'm not sorry for loving him so much, Edward." Her voice was small and husky from the tears.

"You shouldn't be. I'm glad that you did, I mistook him, he was a wonderful man, Bella, and I'm grateful that he loved Charlie so much. I wish I had known him better. Who knows, we may have even of wound up friends." I was still stroking her hair, it felt like I'd been doing it for years.

"He wanted that for Charlie, wanted all of us to be a family. I didn't because in so many ways I hated you, hated all of you. I've always had to look over my shoulder to make sure no one was noticing the odd little things about Charlie, or that Charlie wasn't going to decide to hunt a child at the playground. I know now, why you left. I would have done the same thing to protect Mike. I'm sorry for the ultimatum I gave you, though it hurt when Dad died, I always expected at least a card with no return address. As long as I felt you were coming back, I didn't feel free to give my heart to Mike. It wasn't until our wedding day that I realized how much I wanted to love him and couldn't. It wasn't until the part where someone objects, and no one objected, for me finally to feel free. I loved him so much Edward. Thank you for leaving me so I could find him." She didn't say anything and didn't move.

"For you happiness Bella, it was worth it. I'm sorry for all the pain you've been through the past five years. You are a danger magnet aren't you." I tried hard not to chuckle, but it happened anyway. Man this was a mess. I was holding the woman I loved in my arms while she told me all about the husband she loved more than me. Unlife wasn't fair.

"I won't stop you from seeing Charlie, Edward, but there have to be rules. I've told him about your family like fairy tales, just in case I ever gave into Mike and you wound up a part of our lives. I didn't want Charlie to start asking too many questions. He's special, Edward, like you, but different. Charlie can read thoughts, but he can also project them. He taught me how to do it. We never told Mike, because it again would ask too many questions."

"I know Bella." I was waiting for her to tense up, and I didn't have to wait for long.

"How do you know Edward? Please be honest with me. I'm tired of all the lies." Bella didn't move to get out of my arms and for that I was glad.

"I was here. Alice had a vision that he would be here. Jacob was talking to your doctor and about arranging. Jacob let Alice take Charlie to the waiting room at the end of the hall. I spent time with him, Bella. He's wonderful, and bright. He fell asleep in my arms and after a few terse words with Jacob, he let me carry him to the car. I thought about how I enjoyed spending time with him, and he heard me and said he liked me as well. We were having a conversation with our mind's Bella. I'll be honest and say it was wonderful. I've never had someone else who could do what I do, and I loved talking to Charlie that way. I love him, Bella. As soon as I held him in my arms, I loved him. I'll do whatever you want so I can be in his life. Please don't shut me out anymore. I would like for us to be friends, Bella. We've never tried that before, but I would like to."

"I'd like that to. I'll be honest Edward. It won't be easy for me. There will always be part of me wondering if you're going to take off again, and this time devastating Charlie. If you want this Edward, if you want Charlie in your life, then it's got to be all the way. I won't have you hurting him, it's going to be hard enough telling him the person he knows as a father is gone. I also have a daughter to think about, one who needs me. I can't be worried about all the what ifs with you anymore."

"I know that too, Bella, and she is beautiful. She looks just like you." I opened my mouth and closed it just as quickly.

"Talk, Edward, and human fast." She tried to sit up but I caged my arms around her just a little tighter. This new Bella had a short temper on her.

"I've been in to see her. At first it was just to look, then one of the nurses got a hold of me. I wound up holding her all night long, the first night, even changed her diapers. Emmett and Jasper had a field day by the way. The nurse said that contact helped her, because you were laid up and no one else had been holding except for the nurses when they changed her. I'm sorry, I know I overstepped big boundaries, but she's wonderful Bella. If you let me, I'd like to be there for her the way Mike was for Charlie, it's the least I can do for him taking care and loving you both." The words stuck in my throat and I stuttered, afraid of what Bella would say.

"Mike would have liked that. Who knows may be it was Mike, in heaven that send Alice the vision to find me. I would like to think so. I'm sorry, I just miss him so much already."

I could feel her hot tears on my arms and I rocked her back and forth. "I'm sorry for all the horrible things I said to you earlier. You didn't deserve them. I've carried some baggage around with me for way too long now." Bella turned awkwardly in my arms and stared into my eyes.

"I'm sorry too, Bella, I was so hurt to find out about Charlie that I wasn't thinking clearly. It took Alice punching me and Carlisle threatening to kick me out of the family to see the hell that I was putting everyone through the past few years. I set out to do this the right way and to give you time, but Alice got me all worked up because she saw you never telling me. I flew off the handle and you took the full force of it. Would you have told me if I hadn't come gunning for a fight?" I knew the answer to my question as she closed her eyes and sought courage.

"No, I never would have told you. Alice is right. I would have gone to my grave never telling a soul, even Charlie. It was wrong of me Edward, and I admit it, it wasn't so much done out of fear as petty. You hurt me so I wanted to make sure that you hurt. I was wrong Edward and I hope you can forgive me." Her face was so close to my neck that I had to fight back the feelings of love that stirred inside me.

"I promise to try to forgive you, if you can promise to try to forgive me leaving you. I know you still don't or your actions would have been otherwise. We'll take this slow like I wanted to Bella, become the friends we should have years ago." I kissed her on the forehead the slid out of the bed. I pulled the covers up on her.

"One more thing Edward, you should know, now that your back in Forks, if you see anyone from high school, they might ask questions. Rumors were bad back then as Mike and I got engaged and my pregnancy began showing more.'

'There were rumors that Charlie was yours, Mike and I were the only ones who knew so Mike said we were sneaking around behind your back and that's why you guys left Forks. At the time the explanation stopped the rumors, and Angela punching the rumor starter, you remember Lauren, and breaking her nose. They're bound to resurface now that you're back and people see you with Charlie. You can say whatever you want. I don't care. If Lauren starts something this time, I'm going to pop her in the nose myself. She needs another nose job anyway. Do you think I can get away with pleading insanity when they charge me with assault?" I stopped speaking enough to smile at him and receive one of his dazzling ones in return.

"I'm sure something can be done about Lauren without you resorting to punching her, I'll let Alice do it, she packs a hell of a one. If you'd like, I would like to accompany you to the funeral the day after tomorrow. I want to pay my respects to Mike, if that's okay with you." I watched as Bella looked out the window at the lighting day, we had talked all night long. At the mention of the funeral, her eyes clouded over, but this time her tears didn't fall. I kicked myself for mentioning it.

"That would be nice Edward, thank you. To be honest I'm going to need a solid shoulder to lean on tomorrow and you have the most solid one I know. Thanks Edward, for being here and coming back to apologize. It meant a lot to me. Thank you also for not killing me. I would like to watch my children grow." Her eyes were dropping quickly and I stood watching as she talked herself to sleep.

Checking my watch I was glad the hour was still early enough to run home without anyone seeing me. Saying a silent prayer to Mike in heaven, I hope I could get Bella through his leaving just how he'd gotten her though mine.


	14. Understanding

SM owns Twilight

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**This chapter is dedicated to the lovely and wonderful TazzsObsession. She kicked me in the behind and scolded me for taking too much time in updating this story. This one is for you sweetheart, thanks for the kick in the rear.**

**Chapter Thirteen: Understanding**

**Edward POV**

Everyone was waiting for me when I got home. I called a family meeting for the dining room and they all followed me there.

"Before you fill everyone in Alice, I would like to." I held up my hand to Alice as she began speaking. She stopped and smiled at me, nodding her agreement.

"This past night, I've spent talking with Bella. We have agreed to try to be friends, and she has agreed to let me see Charlie."

"Oh, Edward, that's wonderful. Oh, honey, I'm so happy for you." Esme wrapped her arms around me and squeezed.

"I'm proud of you, son. Did Bella tell you why she never told you?" Carlisle gently pried his wife off me grinning at her rare exuberance.

"She wanted to hurt me, like I hurt her. I can understand that. Bella also told me that for years, Mike had been trying to get her to find me so she could tell me. He wanted us to be a family and for me to be a part of Charlie's life.'

'Bella lied to him several times because she was afraid that if I came back, I would take Charlie from her. Mike loved Charlie, even though he knew that Charlie was my son. He was a wonderful father. I told Bella that I would like to be there for Mike's daughter, the way he was there for my son'.

'Bella said that Mike would have liked that, and that she believes that it was Mike's angel in heaven that sent Alice the vison of the accident." Looking at my family, I didn't need Jasper's powers to see their excitement. Jasper was bouncing because of it. Rosalie was even wearing a smile for a change instead of her perpetual scowl. It was wonderful to see them happy. Happy had not been an emotion with this family for five years, since the day we left Forks and Bella behind.

"Think of all that we need to get Esme. We could add on a couple of rooms to the house and make one a nursery. Oh, my goodness, there is so much to do." Alice was making a mental list in her head of all the things she wanted to buy.

"Alice, stop. We are not going to do this. I told Bella we'd take it slow. No building rooms, or buying out stores. If Bella comes here then let her bring her own items for the children. You are not to pester her with ways you know, make her uncomfortable. I don't know when or if she'll even want to see the rest of you, yet. We keep saying that we are going to give her time, but we have to stick by that, me more so any of you. If Bella is a part of this family, then it's because she wants to be here and not because she feels coerced. Right now, we can expect nothing more than a growing friendship. The day after tomorrow I will escort her to the funeral, alone. She knows the rest of you are here, wait and let her make the first move."

**Bella POV**

I awoke the next morning with a fierce headache and the urge to see my children. Today when Jacob brought Charlie, I would have to tell him the deal I made with Edward. Jacob would believe that it was the deal with the devil. In someways he was right. If being friends with Edward and letting him in Charlie's life kept him from taking Charlie from me, then I was willing to do whatever it took.

Finding out that he had been in to see Alicia, surprised me. I never thought Edward would feel something voluntarily for a child, especially one that wasn't his own. Perhaps, Edward had as many layers as Mike did.

It was without a doubt that Jake was going to be angry with me, probably as angry as when he found out that Charlie was Edward's son. Then he asked why I hadn't gotten rid of the child when I'd found that I was pregnant by a leech. I told him that was a hell of a way to think about his godchild. Jacob had shut up after that.

Hitting the reattached nurses button. I called to the station. I wanted to see Alicia and clean up before Jake and Charlie I was clean and holding my daughter in my arms. The nurse, Stella told me she had been fussing all night.

"Your friend that's been here at night. She's taken with him. The night before last, nothing would quiet her. He came in and as soon as she was in his arms she stopped. It's not often that we see the babies do that with a might want to keep that one around if she ever gets colic. He might be the only way you get some sleep. He's also become first-rate at changing diapers. When he was here, he took care of everything for her. Yep, you want to keep that one around."Stella left the room, giving me and Alicia some bonding time.

I smiled the first real smile in days at the thought of Edward sitting in this chair and rocking my tiny daughter. He must have been a sight to see, considering how long his legs were and how small the chair was a sight that I found myself wanting to see, especially to see Edward changing a diaper of all things.

I had been there for over an hour, relaxed for the first time in days when there was a knock at the nursery door.

"They said I'd find you here. Are you ready for those tests so you can get your walking papers?" The words whispered just loud enough for me to hear. I glanced over at the doorway and saw Dr. Cooper leaning against the doorframe, his hands buried casually in his pockets. He reminded me so much of Mike that it hurt.

Was I ready to be out of the hospital? Yes. Was I ready to go home? No. The thought of going back to the home I shared with Mike almost made me double over in pain. I knew without a doubt that just walking across the threshold would be more than I could bear. Staying with Jake was out of the question. Their house was too small for me and two children. I could stay in the back of the store. During Christmas we were there so much that we had furnished the back like a small apartment. For now it would be perfect for Charlie and me, and it was a location that he was used to. I could have Jake bring Charlie's bed over with his toys. I would be fine with one of the air mattresses. Anything was better than going home and having to sleep in the bed that I shared with Mike.

"Yeah, I guess. Let me get them so they can take her." I kissed my daughters head and went to press the button. Dr. Cooper beat me to it. Gently he took Alicia out of my arms and expertly cradled her and make shushing sounds when she started to fuss. I watched fascinated as he laid her in the special bassinet then arranged her cords and adjusted the heater.

"I'm sorry I didn't think to bring a wheelchair. Just hang on for one moment and I'll be back." He looked a little embarrassed and took off like a shot. It was only a couple of minutes and he was back. "Your chariot awaits, my lady." Pressing the brake, he came over to my chair. I tried to fight the gasp as it came from my mouth, but couldn't. Dr. Cooper scooped his arms under my legs and lifted me out of the chair. I knew my eyes were as big as saucers when they looked up at him.

"Sorry, my mothers taught me to always be gallant**. **I think for a while they were reading too many historical romances."

He set me in the chair and I couldn't help my question. "Two mothers?"

"Yep, my mother's are lesbians. Sometimes it's like they are the polar opposites of each other, then other times it's like ying and yang. I don't think I would have wanted to grow up any other way. They are wonderful. I try to fly home as often as I can to see them, but they'll be here for Christmas this year. They want to have an old-fashioned Christmas, though their old fashioned can be anything from medieval to the roaring twenties. Old fashioned for them just means that we have a tree, stuff ourselves on homemade food and watch the twenty-four-hour marathon of "A Christmas Story." If you're not doing anything by Christmas, we'd love to have you."

I couldn't help it. I stared up at Dr. Cooper, looking as if he'd just lost his mind. He stopped quickly, his hands now almost visibly twitching as they gripped the wheelchair tight.

"Shit. I'm sorry. My mouth has a bad way of running away with me." His voice was stuttering slightly and he looked incredibly embarrassed, "I just meant that I know that you don't have any other family, and no one should be alone on the holidays, and oh crap, here she comes." Dr. Cooper shut up immediately and looked forward. The stern nurse that I met on my first day was heading this way.

"Dr. Cooper, we've been waiting for Mrs. Newton for the last ten minutes. Honey, if he's talking your ear off, just tell him to stuff it, we do." She went to take the wheelchair away from him and he let her. I turned and looked up at him. His face was full of embarrassment and the self-confident doctor I'd come to know looked like a chastised five-year-old boy.

"I'm sorry we're late. It's my fault. I started asking Dr. Cooper about his family, which lead to us talking about the holidays. It's my fault honestly." For a moment, Nurse Jackie looked like she didn't believe me, so I sent a comment to him for her benefit. "I still can't believe your family doesn't like a Christmas ham, isn't that un-American?"

With Jackie now pushing me, and her back to Dr. Cooper, I saw him mouth the words thank you and saw his self-confidence return. I mouthed back. You're welcome. The rest of the ride was silent.

I let them run all of their tests while I froze in rooms that seemed too cold for normal people. Nurse Jackie brought me a couple of blankets when she saw my teeth chattering. They fitted me with a walking cast then. The nurse escorted me back to my room to wait for the results.

Jake and Charlie were waiting when we got there. A few minutes later Edward walked into the room. To say the mood intensified would have been an extreme understatement. Physically I held up my hands, shutting both of them up before the yelling would begin. Charlie didn't need to hear what I had to say to Jake, so for the first time in years I was glad Edward was there.

"Edward, could you please take Charlie to the waiting room. I need to have a few minutes with Jake." Edward didn't say a word and held out his hand to Charlie who smiled. I could tell they were talking to each other just by the expression on my son's face. He was over the moon.

"What in the hell is going on, Bella?" Jacob's knuckles were so tight I could hear the grinding.

"Last night, I told Edward the truth, Jake." Jake went to yell, and I held up my hand. "It's what Mike would have wanted. You know that. Mike wanted Edward to be a part of Charlie's life since the beginning. I am granting my husband what I know would be his last wish. The fighting has to stop Jake. I don't want Charlie growing up like that, neither do you, if you think about it. I have to do what is best for Charlie, and this is the best. Edward and I are going to take this one step at a time, one day at a time. We are going to try to be friends for Charlie's sake. I know you're upset Jake, but this is for the best."

"So you're just going to give him the opportunity to run off with him. I knew you were thick headed sometimes, Bella, but this is ridiculous." Jake threw a barb at me that he knew would hurt. It was something I had anticipated.

"Why would he need to run Jake, when I've let Edward know he can see Charlie whenever he wants? This is not about me or you. It's not about old wounds and wars that will never be won. This is about Charlie, what is best for him, and what Mike, his father wanted for him. From the beginning Mike was adamant about Edward knowing Charlie. I am making that happen for him, and not even for you will I go against that. If you don't like the decisions I make, Jacob Black, then don't be around me. I understand that you are his godfather, but I am his mother."

Jake stood to his full towering height and loomed over me. He was angrier than I had ever seen him, and his anger was pointed at me. "This about what you're doing, Bella. If you do this, I just might not be around to run after him when he kidnaps your son."

I knew Jake's threat and was expecting it. "If that's the way you feel about it, then fine. I can see this is not going to be a winning situation with you. If you care more about that stupid treaty, and feuds older than you are, then I'm not going to stop you. The way you're acting right now, I'm more worried about you running off with him, than Edward."

Jake stood back in shock, a mixture of hurt and disgust on his dark face. Setting Charlie's backpack down first, Jake strolled out of the room, slamming the door shut as he did. Instinctively I knew that it would be a long time before Jake would forgive me. It made me wonder if I were doing the right thing. Thinking of how happy Mike would be, knowing that Edward loved Charlie was enough of a reason to keep going forward, as Edward and I planned.

With that finished, I had one chore left for the day, telling my son that his family was gone. How in the hell was I supposed to do fingers curled in the blankets as I tried hard not to cry, again.

"I'm sorry, Bella, I tried to keep him away for as long as possible." Edward stood in the doorway with Charlie's hand wrapped tightly in his.

"Mommy, when do I get to see, Daddy? I miss him. I still haven't gotten to tell him about my fish."

I looked at Edward and whispered too low for Charlie to hear. "Edward, please help me, I can't do this alone." I knew my eyes were pleading.

Edward nodded his head at me then walked Charlie to the chair by my bedside. Sitting down first, Edward pulled Charlie into his lap. Now that I saw them together, it was amazing how much they looked alike. Rumors would be rampant after tomorrow's funeral.

"Charlie, this is going to be hard for you, but your mother has something important to tell you." Edward looked at me and nodded. His cold hand reached out and grabbed mine, Charlie did the same.

"Honey, you know how Uncle Jake told you that Mommy was in a bad car accident." I waited while his head shook yes. Just for an instant I saw the fear spread across his eyes, but he didn't say anything. "This is going to be hard for you to hear, and I want you to know that you don't have to be brave, okay." Again he just shook his head. Edward squeezed my hand. I knew in the gesture that he was trying to give me courage.

"Charlie, something bad happened in the accident. I know you're not going to understand and it's okay. I love you so much, Charlie. Grandma and Grandpa's car hit a deer and we crashed into the trees. Daddy saved my life Charlie, but I'm afraid, Sweetheart, that Daddy, Grandma, and Grandpa didn't make it. I'm so sorry, Charlie, but they died."

Tears were streaming down his little face and Edward lifted him up onto the bed to sit with me. I wrapped him in my arms as my own tears fell on his dark head.

"When are they coming back, mommy?" The question so innocent and pure, broke my heart. Deep breaths kept me from holding him too hard.

"They're not coming back, Charlie. Remember the story I told you about your Grandpa Charlie, and how we named you after him?" He shook his head yes at me. "Do you remember how I told you that Grandpa Charlie was in heaven, and while he wasn't here for you to see, he was watching you every day?" Again he shook his head yes.

I could see his mind beginning to wrap around what I was telling him. His eyes began to get wider and he started shaking his head. "I'm sorry Charlie, so sorry. Daddy, Grandma and Grandpa are in heaven with Grandpa Charlie now. They're not coming back."

Charlie began squirming in my arms and I let go. He looked at me as tears ran down his precious face. I knew this was too much for him and I wished some other way it could have happened.

"No! Mommy, Daddy promised me he would be back, and that he would go camping with me and Grandpa. He promised Mommy. Where's Daddy? I want to see my Daddy?" His cries became harsh and as I cried with him he squirmed off the bed and out of my arms. "You're wrong Mommy, I know Daddy is here somewhere and I'm going to find him." Charlie bolted from the room and out the door, faster than even Edward could grab him.

"Oh, God! Edward." I cried as Charlie footsteps ran down the hallway.

"I'll find him Bella. I'll talk to him and bring him back. Don't worry. We'll get him through this." His hand squeezed mine and like his son, Edward was out the door in a shot.

A few minutes later, a whistling Dr. Cooper, walked in the door while I was yet again crying. Stupid tear ducts.

"Hey what's wrong?" He pulled the chair up close to the bed and grabbed my hand. His fingers felt warm on mine and that comforted me more than Edward's cold ones.

"I just told my son about the accident. He ran off. A friend of mine went looking for him." The words came out choked.

"We'll find him. You just get ready to go and we'll have him back for you when you're ready." His hand shook slightly as he brushed a lock of hair away from my face. Again he was so much like Mike that I gave into the actions.

"We?" I knew Edward could find him with no problem, but that Dr. Cooper wanted to help, even with his busy schedule, touched me.

"Yeah, I just went on break, and I know many holes that a little boy would love. We'll have him back in a flash. You can count on it." Setting the papers aside he squeezed my hand and pressed the nurse's button. "Mrs. Newton will need help in getting ready to go." Once more he squeezed my hand then ran out the door.

**Edward POV**

My phone began vibrating against my leg as I retraced my steps. Charlie made so many twists and turns in his running that following his scent was a nightmare.

"Yeah. Don't worry, he's been found. Bella's doctor, Dr. Cooper, will find him in two minutes. Somehow he knew just where to look. You'll run into them if you keep walking the way you are going. Let him take Charlie to her Edward, I know you don't want to, but just do it." Alice hung up on her end and I did the same on mine. I knew not to bet on Alice, but Charlie wasn't this way. I'd already been through here.

Just as I rounded the corner, I saw Dr. Cooper, the one Carlisle couldn't stand, opening a small door that someone had pushed a cart in front of. I was down the hall, but could still hear his words, and then Charlie's

"Hey Charlie. I'm glad I found you. Your mommy is scared without you. Can I take you to her?" I watched as Bella's doctor held out his hand to my son. I wondered why Alice wanted him to take Charlie back to Bella and not me. It was a question that I was going to ask her as soon as I got home.

I watched tentatively as Charlie took the doctor's hand and together they began to walk down the hall. Charlie stopped midway and began searching through his backpack frantically.

"Count! I've lost Count. I've got to find him." Charlie's whine caught me. I couldn't stop my actions as I ran up to him.

"Hey, Buddy, what's wrong?" I bent down on my knees until I was eye level with him. The doctor stood by patiently, seemingly in no hurry to move from his spot.

"I've lost Count, Edward. I've got to find him. He was my daddy's. I can't lose him too. I just can't." Charlie's sobs as he threw himself in my arms, made my chest ache. His tears were wet against my shoulder. Looking up at the doctor I searched his mind. His heart was breaking for my son. He had to turn away to hide the emotions on his face. Devotions for his patients, including Bella, made me like him, and hate him. I could also see that he liked and felt sorry for Bella. He felt sorry that she didn't have any extended family, neither did he, but at least he had his mothers. Wait a minute did I just see him with two mothers? I crawled out of Dr. Cooper's mind as quickly as I had gotten in. Some thoughts were better left private.

"Edward, find Count for me please. He's my best friend." Charlie's eyes looked into mine and pleaded with me.

"Of course, let Dr. Cooper, take you back to your mother and I will find Count for you, I promise. Even if it takes me all day, I'll find him for you." I was hoping that Alice had a clue where the toy was so I could play the hero.

"If you mean a toy of Count from Sesame Street, I found one while I was looking for you. We can get him first, then go to your mother." Dr. Cooper held out his hand to Charlie. Charlie went willingly in the hopes of finding his most cherished possession.

Inside I fumed. Never in my life had I felt an encroachment on my territory as I was right now. The jealousy was burning at my gut. I didn't know if I were most angry for Dr. Cooper's apparent friendliness toward Bella, or my son. That it was innocent on his part made the burn all the more hot and painful.

I followed them back in silence as Charlie got his toy from the nearby nurse's station and proudly showed it to me while telling Dr. Cooper about it. In but a few moments Charlie had the doctor wrapped around his little finger, like he did with everyone else. It wasn't apparent whether it was a gift, or just the nature of Charlie's character.

I could hear and smell Bella's tears as they hit the floor, the closer we came to the room. She was sitting in a wheelchair with a packed cart at her side. Someone earlier had brought her a change of clothes, probably Jake, so she was in a pair of old sweat pants that were tight around her cast and a sweatshirt. She'd brushed her hair back and it hung in a long ponytail. Her face was devoid of makeup, probably because she knew that she would just cry it off anyway.

Charlie immediately went to his mother, climbing up into her arms as Bella held them out. They were so beautiful, so perfect together. It made my heart cry out for a future that was no longer meant to be. Looking at the two people I loved most in the world, my chest hurt knowing that I had given up whatever happiness we could have had, when I walked away. I had lived hell for five years and it was no one's fault, but my own. Leaving Bella, the way I did, meant I deserved whatever sentence fate played out. So far that sentence had been a life without both of them.

"Thank you both so much for finding him." Bella's hands were holding Charlie tight.

"Dr . . . " I didn't get to finish the sentence.

"He was in a small storage closet and it was no trouble." Dr. Cooper went around to the back of Bella's wheelchair. "Are you ready to go?"

At Bella's nod, he began wheeling her out of the room, I decided that I hated him and hated that I had no merit to my hate. It would have been easier to hate him if he wasn't so damn likable. I expected him to take full credit for finding Charlie it surprised me when he didn't. Most men would have been fighting for the chance to win Bella's affection. Who knows maybe he was and doing it in ways that were much smarter than I gave him credit for.

"Is your ride waiting for you, or do you need to call someone?" Dr. Cooper stopped the wheelchair at the front desk.

"Crap, Jake. My friend Jake was supposed to take me home. We had an argument and he left. If I can use the phone, I need to make a call." Bella's voice sounded worried and scared. Charlie sat in her lap silently and stared off into space, his mind was blank having had a little too much trauma for his young age. His fists clutched Count close to his chest as if afraid to let him go.

"I'll take you home Bella. You don't need to call anyone." I stared at her, saddened that she hadn't automatically asked me.

"Thank you, Edward. I would appreciate that."

"I'll be right back." Digging my keys out of my pocket, I jogged out to the Vanquish. It had been the only car that did not go to Alaska and was still in the garage when we pulled up to the house. The powerful engine roared to live, then settled into a purr. I did love this car.

Pulling up to the front, I went around and opened Bella's door for her. I hope Charlie would be okay in the backseat without a carseat, just until we got to Bella's.

"Charlie, would you like to ride in the back?" I moved the front seat forward and reluctantly Charlie got off his mother's lap and climbed in. He didn't say a word as I buckled him in, making sure it was tight enough for him not to slide through.

Turning around I saw Dr. Cooper, on his haunches in front of Bella. I listened and gritted my teeth together. Looking into his mind I saw his concern for Bella and her children. It settled like a pit in my stomach, mostly because there was nothing behind them except for exactly what he was saying. He honestly wanted to be friends. It was disgusting.

"I meant what I said, if you need me for anything, call. Even if it's for something stupid, call. If I don't answer either number, they will go to voice mail, and I promise I'll call you as soon as I get a chance. I also meant what I said about Christmas. We would love to have all of you. Both of my moms would go nuts over the kids. I know what it's like to lose someone and I know that this is all a little unethical. I hope I can be there for you as a friend now instead of just your doctor, and call me Coop, everyone does." His hand squeezed Bella's and I saw the white card he pressed into it. Venom pooled into my mouth as I tried hard not to knock his teeth down his throat.

"Thank you, Coop. I call you if I need anything, and I promise to think about Christmas. It's going to be hard on Charlie this year and he might enjoy it, I will let you know. I appreciate your friendship, I know I'm going to need all the friends I can get." Bella looked up at him and I saw a softening in her eyes that stabbed at my heart. She squeezed his hand back and I wanted to punch him again for making her smile.

Standing in his way of any more platitudes I swooped in and lifted Bella out of her seat and had her in the car before Fitch Cooper could even blink. As I walked to the other side, he stood under the awning and watched us, his white coat flapping in the breeze. I watched and Bella laughed as we watched him turn the wheelchair around, give it a hard push and ride it through the automatic doors.

Yes, it was definite. I hated Dr. Fitch Cooper, and not only the light he brought to her eyes, but the way he made her smile and laugh. As I drove out of the parking lot, I calculated how many ways I could kill him without anyone finding the body.

Bella was quiet as I drove. I had peeked at Bella's medical file when she was sleeping the other day and found her address. I felt her tense beside me as she recognized the way we were going.

"Don't take me home, please. Take me to the store." Her face was pale, even more so than usual. Deftly I swung the care around and headed toward Newton's. It puzzled me. Why would she want to go there and not to her home? I was sure she would be more comfortable there.

In minutes we were pulling into the parking lot of the huge store. It was dark, its lights off and the doors firmly locked. In front of the huge front doors were rows of flowers from friends and neighbors offering their condolences.

"Pull around back."Bella dug into the bag in her lap and pulled out a set of keys.

"Mommy, why are we at the store? I wanna go home." Charlie was tired and wanted his own bed, and his home.

Bella turned in her seat to look at her child. "We're going to be staying at the store for a while sweetheart. Like we do when it's busy. I'll make sure to have someone bring your bed and toys later."

I stared at Bella. Her face was blank as if she was steeling herself for whatever emotions she was about to face. Getting out of the car I came around and opened her side. Swinging her feet out, she took her first gingerly step on her broken leg. She winced but didn't stop. I took the bag from her hands and helped Charlie out of the backseat while Bella went to open the back door. A beeping noise from the security system was loud in the quiet. Bella quickly punched in a code inside the door and to the right. It silenced the beeping.

"Mommy, I don't want to stay at the store. It's boring here." Charlie in his fatigue was starting to get cranky.

"I know, but I'll make it fun for you. I promise. Mommy will look for a new place soon. This will make it easier for mommy to run the store and look after you and your sister. Remember how we stayed here this summer with . . . " Bella trailed off not finishing her sentence and began turning on lights.

The back of the store looked like a small studio apartment. It was slightly cramped and I couldn't see a bedroom. I wondered what Bella was doing, but didn't ask. She had her reasons for not wanting to return to her home. We were friends enough yet for me to question her judgment.

Quickly Bella got Charlie lying down on the small sofa and within moments he was sleeping. Charlie's hands still clutced Count.

"Thank you for bringing us home, Edward. You don't have to stay. We'll be all right." Bella stood in the doorway looking a little bit paler and shell-shocked. I knew she was fighting every moment to be strong for Charlie.

"Do you need any groceries, or anything? I can get you whatever you need." My voice was low as I stared at her. I would do anything for her, if only she'd let me. How could I not when she still meant the world to me? My hand itched to reach out and touch her face. My body ached to hold her close, and my soul ached to be hers once again.

"No, we'll be okay. I'll just order a pizza or something for dinner. I had lunch at the hospital and Charlie had lunch with Jake. There is one thing you can do for me." Her own voice was hesitant, almost as if she hated asking anything of me.

"Whatever you need, Bella, all you need to do is ask." I had to clench my fists tightly together to keep from touching her. Even in my anger with her over Charlie, the urge to touch her had been incredible.

"Would you stay with Alicia at nights? The nurse says she takes to you. I would like to know someone is looking after her when I'm not there." Her beautiful brown eyes were downcast and I saw the two tears hit the floor. Quickly she scrubbed them away before Charlie could see, even though he was sleeping soundly.

"I would be honored, you know that Bella. When would you like me here tomorrow?" I didn't want to have to remind her what tomorrow was, but there was no choice.

"The viewing is from eight to ten with the funeral after at Memorial Cemetery. I can't put Charlie through the viewing and I don't want to be there, so nine forty five will be fine. I don't want to go to the funeral, but I know I have to." Bella's hand was clinging to the door for dear life, which was probably more than true.

She looked so frail, so breakable, more so now than five years ago. Five years ago there was a strength, a courage and determination in her eyes. That was gone. Her eyes were shadowed and through them, her soul looked so weary. I had only seen that look once before and it was on the vampires in Germany that had lived longer than any other.

"I'll see you tomorrow then. Try to get some sleep tonight. Did the doctor give you something to help you sleep?" I knew that if she was tired, tomorrow would feel a whole lot worse.

"Yeah, but with Charlie being with me, I'm not going to take it. I don't want to be asleep if he needs me. Even with it, I doubt I'll get much sleep. I'd better go. I'll see you tomorrow." Wearily she put her head against the door.

I knew it was my cue to leave, even though I wanted to spend the night like I had the last, holding her in my arms. Even when she had cried for Mike, having her in my arms was better than knowing she would be crying alone.

"Don't hesitate to call if you need me. I'll be at the hospital." I wanted to tell her that she would get through this, the Bella I knew could get through anything that life threw at her, even having a vampire for a boyfriend. The truth hurt, and it hurt deep. The Bella that I knew, no longer existed. The new Bella was grieving for a husband she loved more than anyone, even me.

I tried not to run to the car, even as the click of the door and the turn of its lock wounded me. In the car I sped toward home where my family would not keep me from Alicia for long.

* * *

**A/N More will be up soon for this story. Second Chances really got away with me and this story was pushed to the back burner. Fear not, I will finish it, it will just take time. Once you've read this check out my one shot "The Major." It is an off shoot of Second Chances for the Altered Lions and Sacrificial Lambs contest "We Don't Need No Stinkin' Coven." It is in Peter's POV and takes place during the southern wars. There is lots of lemony goodness.**

**Aerialla**


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